What Father should Looks for in a Suitor

Well, this evening we will examine what it is that a father is looking for in a potential suitor, and how it is that we know it when we see it in one that is not fully proven. Shall we say we talked earlier about the difficulties that we can sometimes encounter when we don't have a balanced view, how sometimes we end up looking for something that really doesn't exist. We have expectations that could not possibly be met by a potential suitor, and in fact, in many instances we have fathers with expectations that they themselves do not meet, that they are somehow hope being to be able to find in a young man who is about to enter into marriage. And so we want to make sure that we have a balance, that we do recognize that there are things that we must expect, that we must look for, and that we also recognize that what we're looking for in most instances is going to be the potential for those things, and evidences of those things in their early developmental stages. And so we want to talk to you about the four peace. Listen to this from George Whitfield in his sermon The Great Duty of Family Religion. Every governor of a family ought to look upon himself, is obliged to act in three capacities, as profit, to instruct, as priests to pray for and with, and as king to govern, direct and provide for them. And so from that we derive these four peace priest, profit, provider, protector. Those are the four areas priest, prophets, provided, protector. Now you notice prophet, priest, king. There's a reference there, and the reference there is of course, to the offices of Christ himself. Now, why would we have the audacity to refer to a man acting in that capacity when those are the offices of Christ himself. Well, because the love that a man has for his wife is that that Christ has for his church, he having given himself for his church. So it's modeled after Christ. But why for peace instead of private, priest and king. Well, because you know, for peace. It's for peace, that's why. But also again, keeping in mind our culture, we don't take too kindly to that word king, which I believe is problematic. It's problematic. Now I'm glad that we don't have a king. Hear me clearly on this, Okay, I'm glad that we don't have a king. However, having under one helps you understand who God is. It gives you a picture of sovereignty. When you live under a king who has and exercises sovereignty, you have no problem whatsoever going to the Bible and recognizing that in God as he presents himself in scripture. Okay, so what does a king do? He provides for and protects his people? Hence these four peace, priest, profit, provider, and protector. So our goal, here's what we want this evening. We want to answer these questions. One, what does the Bible say about this? On each one of these we want to answer that question, what does the Bible say about this? Is this something that we see in the scriptures? Two? What does this look like in practice? What does this look like in practice? And thirdly, how can we discern it in the life of a young man? Those are our three questions with each of these four areas. What does the Bible say about it? Is it look like in practice? And how can we discern it in the life of a young man. This is crucial, This is vitally important. First, the husband, as priests and I remember the same principle that we had before. I'll reiterate the principle is we look at the father and the father's roles and responsibilities, because when we do that, we kill multiple birds with one stone. Number One, I know my responsibility as a husband and father when I do this. Secondly, I have a job description now, so I know what I'm looking for in a potential suitor. Thirdly, I know what it is that I am to teach my sons to strive for and my daughters to look for in a potential mate. All of that derived from this one simple thing of understanding what the Bible says about the role and responsibility of the husband and father. So we start there, and that gives us all the rest of these benefits. Now, the priest is one who represents his people before God. The priest is one who represents his people before God. So to this First Peter chapter three, we've already alluded to this text before First Peter Chapter three, Verse seven. Likewise, husbands lived with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. We said earlier that this is a reference to this intercessory responsibility that a man has, and it ties it here very clearly to this picture of him in marriage, serving in this priestly function. Listen to this fatherly pastoral council. This is from Peter Jones, who's a professor at Westminster Seminary, was at the wedding of his daughter and he says, in our radically egalitarian culture and a church that follows in hot pursuit, David and Awen, as the coach would say, keep your positions. You are not, according to Ephesians, interchangeable. David, be a faithful, self sacrificing priest, not a macho male. For your wife, see it as your great calling to nourish her and sanctify her with the Word of God, so that more and more she will come to represent or resemble rather her savior Christ. Awen, respect this spiritual role David has. Submit to him as you would to Christ. Be submissive to the Word of God as it teaches you with all gentleness the role of a wife and mother. Amen. Would that we would all say that to our daughters and our sons as they enter in the marriage. This is the responsibility that a man has in representing his family before God. And this is not new. Notice in Romans chapter five, we do not find these words because of the sin of one couple, Adam and Eve, death, end of the world. No, because one man Adam. Why she ate first? Did she not? Yet? But he's the head. He had the responsibility of priest in that relationship. He had the responsibility to communicate to her what God communicated to him. He had the responsibility to guard his family. That's the priestly responsibility. So what do we look for, and some of this we had already heard about earlier. We look for personal commitment to Christ. We look for personal commitment to Christ. You can see that. You can see whether or not a young man has a personal commitment to Christ, whether or not he walks with God. You can see whether or not he bears the marks of a follower of the One True and Living God. You can see whether or not he understands the Gospel, and not just understands the gospel in technical terms, but whether or not he passionately embraces those truths and communicates them as though they are his and not something that someone handed him to memorize. We can see that. Secondly, we look for Christian character. We live for Christian character. We look for a man whose life reflects what he says he believes. We look for a man whose life has been shaped by what he says he believes. We look for a man who is set apart the because of the fruit that is being borne in his life by Christ. I'm the vine, you're the branches. Is he abiding in the vine? If he is, he'll be bearing much fruit? You know? Or my favorite books in the Testament, And it wasn't so for a long time because I didn't get it. I just I really, I really didn't get it. But it's the Epistle of First John. You look at the Epistle of First John, and here you have these tests. And if you're not careful, you can go to the Book of First John and come up with some of the most awful theology imaginable. If you're not careful, if you don't understand the gospel, you can go to the book of First John and come out with worst righteousness. You can come out with you know, people's ability to lose their salvation. You can come out with perfectionism. You can come out with all sorts of things. But basically, if you understand the gospel, you understand and if you understand the difference between what the Gospel requires and what the gospel produces important distinction. What the Gospel requires is repentance in faith. What the Gospel produces is joyful obedience. The Gospel doesn't require obedience. Why well, until you get the gospel, you aren't capable of obeying. The Gospel requires repentance and faith. We repent and we believe, and we are changed, We are transformed. And as God changes us, he conforms us to the image of Christ. That's the work that God does, and it is evidence of the fact that we have been born again. You understand that distinction. In first John makes sense. John says there's four basic tests, three major tests, one minor tests. And I only say minor because it's not mentioned nearly as much as the other tests. But those three major tests are. Number one, do you believe the gospel as it was proclaimed by the apostles? That's test number one. Do you believe the Gospel as it was proclaimed by the apostles? Are you right on the gospel? Not right on the gospel? Wrong in everything? Secondly, do you walk into righteousness? Do you walk in righteousness? Now if you want to know whether, well, maybe that's too strong the way to say it. It's gonna say if you want to know where somebody is genuinely saved, but somebody could be genuinely saved and ignorance. So let me let me, let me, let me, let me phrase this another way. One of the telltale giveaways that a person has not been truly converted is you go to that requirement in First John and you say you must walk in righteousness, and the response is, well, nobody's perfect. That person doesn't understand the gospel. That person doesn't understand the gospel. If you understand the gospel, that goes without saying nobody's perfect. But God produces righteousness in those who are his. He produces fruit in those who belong to him. We walk in accordance with its commandments, and we do so joyfully. And when we find ourselves not walking in accordance with His commandments, we are crushed. We are broken over that, and we are repentant. The third test, do you love the brethren? Do you love the Church, the bride of Christ. It's amazing there are a lot of people out there nowadays who they love Jesus but not Christianity. They love christ but not Christians. When I hear that and again on these college campuses where I go frequently, yeah, I hear that sometimes, and you, well, you know, I'm just not into the organized religion thing. I said. Really, let me get this straight. You love Jesus but not the church. Yeah, I said, that's like you coming to me and saying vote. You know what. I love you, man, You and me, we just need to be aces. We need to be buds, just tight, you and me. So you need to give me your email, You need to give your phone number, need to give me a dress, all this stuff. You and I were gonna be buddies because I just love you. Man. Now, your wife, I can't stand her keep away from me. But you and I are going to be best friends. Now. See if I say that about me, we know to laugh because it's ridiculous. But we let people get away with saying that about Jesus all the time, that they love him but not his bride for whom he laid down his life. That's a non starter. If you are his, you love those who are his. If you are his, we are members of one family. I don't know how many of you ever had this experience. But this has never been so real to me as it has been in those times when I find myself overseas or in Houston. You don't even have to be overseas. Houston, Texas is the either second or third most ethnically diverse city in the United States. We have what some one hundred and twenty different language groups. There are sixty seven foreign consulates, so you can find people from all over the world. Well, of the amazing things that happen. You go to a church where they don't speak your language, and this is why I love the Hem's brother. You go to a church where they don't speak your language, and all of a sudden they start singing something like Holy, Holy, Holy. They don't have to speak your language. You just home, and you look into the faces of your brothers and sisters, and you just home. God does that. Only God does that. Only God can do that. By this, all men shall know that you're my disciples, that you have love one for another. Just think about all the things that Jesus. By this, all men will know that you're my disciples, because you wear your tunic like this. By this, all men will know that you're my disciple les because you fast on this day, because you thousands of different things that he could have said, but what he said was your love for one another will set you apart. And then there's that fourth test. And I only say it's a minor test because it's only mentioned a couple of times, whereas these others are interwoven throughout the entire book. But that is you overcome the world? You overcome the world? Do you persevere? Do you endure? And so we're looking for personal commitment to Christ. We're looking to Christian character, the likes of which we find in the Book of First John. We're also looking for selflessness, selflessness, selfish priest, that just doesn't work. We're looking for selflessness. If he is going to represent his family before God, he has to be a selfless man. Finally, a life of prayer? Is this a man of prayer? As a priest, it's his responsibility to intercede for his family, feel and pray for himself. What makes you think he's going to intercede for his family. We can see those things in the life of a young man. We can see we can see those evidences clearly in the life of a young man and we must look for them, because they are none negotiable. Secondly, the husband is prophet. Whereas the priest represents his people before God, the prophet represents God before his people. Listen to this in Ephesians chapter five, verses twenty five to twenty seven. Husbands love your wives as Christ love the Church, and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Here is a picture of the Word of God. Here is a picture of this sanctifying work that the husband has not. I have absolutely nothing with which to sanctify my wife in and of myself, nothing with which to now I can ruin her. Amen. I've got plenty that could do that. But there is nothing inherent in me that would have a sanctifying impact on my wife other than the fact that her learning how to live with me is what God uses to sanctify her. Amen. But the word of God, the Word of God is a tool that God has given to be used in the life of my wife and of my children in order to bring about that sanctifying work through those ordinary means. Fesian six one through four. Very next chapter, children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment, with the promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This is a picture of the prophet representing God before it's people. This is especially true in the lives of our children. Again, they call us father. We represent God in the lives of our children. I still don't like saying that. It makes me uncomfortable for those words to even come out of my mouth. But God, in his infinite wisdom, has determined that it be so that as a father, I represent His authority in the lives of my children who do not yet know Him. So I ask, young women, is this a man that you want to shape, discipline, disciple, teach, and instruct your children in the ways of God. That's the question to ask. See, if you watch Cinderella, you don't get this. You get the princess in the front. You don't get this, okay, tangled you know whatever the new one is about proposal or whatever. You don't get this, Okay, you don't get this picture. The picture that you get is a picture of the romanticism of our age. And when I say our age again, this is over one hundred years old that we've been sort of moving in this direction, even in Jane Austen and Jane Austen. What you have and Jane Austen f you know, we got Jane Austen fans all over here. My daughter loves Jane Austen. She's made me a Jane Austen wonderful writer. But here's the beauty if you pay attention to what Jane Austen is doing. What Jane Austen is doing is she is sort of shaking off the fetters of her day. And there is this picture of romanticism that is burgeoning in the midst of a culture that is cold and unromantic. In other words, we're moving away from marriage as something that we come into sober minded, and we're moving toward marriage as something that you go into with this blind, feverish passion. You have vexed me body and soul. Now, trust me, I use Jane Austen lines on my wife, but my son doesn't need to use them to get awt all right, remember inside the fireplace, outside the fireplace. All right. But the idea here, here's my point. We have young women who are looking for a man who's the right height, who's the right hue, who has the right colored eyes, who has the right accident, who has the right all of these things that we put together in our minds, and amazingly, amazingly, when you ask a young woman about a young man, and when she talks about this sort of idealized picture, it is usually an idealized picture of what that man looks like in a tuxedo on wedding day. You can't say amen, You ought to say ouch, okay, that's usually the picture. And so there is this picture of this. We've reduced the whole thing to what the man looks like on his most handsome day in his life. Oh, it is this wedding day. It's most handsome day's life, her wedding day, of beautiful day in her life. Have you noticed it's really difficult for a woman to look anything but amazing in a wedding gown. What are we asking this question? Is this man, no matter how tall, no matter what color his eyes are, no matter how strong and powerful his frame is, no matter how articulate he is and witty he is, it's this man the man to disciple, discipline, and to shape the spiritual lives of my children and my grandchildren. Is this demand to set the tone for how I operate as a mother in my home raising those children. Is this the man that I want to set those parameters because that's just responsibility. Is this the man that I want to set those parameters? Is it because that's profit, That's going to be his job? So what do you look for? Number One? The clear understanding of the Word of God, A clear understanding of the Word of God. And when I talk about a clear understanding of the Word of God, here's what I mean. Do you know the Bible's basic storyline. Do you know the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament? Do you know the different type of literature in the Bible and how you interpret the different types of literature in the Bible. Do you understand basically basically what your theology is. Now, again, I've talked to some folks. Again, I've seen some questionnaires that fathers have had that elders in most of the churches that I've been in would not live up to. Amen. I've seen some fathers with questionnaires that make elder questionnaires pale in comparison. Okay, do we need to know if this man has a grasp on the word of God, Yes, we do need to know that. But does he have to be prepared for an ordination exam in order to move forward? I hope not. I mean, I really hope not. Were you at twenty one twenty five? In fact, here's the question that I ask when I get a questionnaire like that from the man. How much of these would you have gotten right before you started putting them together for him to answer? Think about that one for a moment. In fact, many of them still wouldn't get most of it right because they found the questions somewhere else and only think they know the answer. How much of those questions are issues that are debatable? How many? I mean, You've got great theologians down the corridors of time who were able to disagree agreeably on some of these issues, but you're saying you know them more securely and solidly than they do, because you won't even allow there to be disagreement on these issues. Really, really, you're going to press the young man that hard on his eschatology when you just learn how to spell the word last month. Secondly, he needs to have a theology. Let me rephrase that he has a theology. He needs to be able to communicate that he has it on purpose, because we've all got a theology. He just needs to be able to communicate that he has one on purpose. Okay. He needs to be able to communicate that he has one on purpose. Right. He needs to be able to communicate and defend what it is that he believes, cause if he can't communicate it and defend it, he doesn't own it. He needs to be able to communicate it and defend it. Okay. Fourthly, he needs to have conviction without arrogance. He needs to have conviction without arrogance. Here's where I stand. I recognize I don't know everything, but this is my position. I'm willing to be taught from the scriptures, but this is my position. He needs to have conviction without arrogance. And finally, which goes along with that, he needs to have a teachable spirit. Cause on the other side of the coin, if he's twenty one years old and has decided that he can't be taught anything theologically, then you tell him go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars bye bye. Needs to be teachable, needs to be teachable. Pause. Didn't know everything. Thirdly, provider, the husband is provider. The provider makes sure his people have what they need. The provider makes sure his people have what they need. Please hear this one carefully. Provider makes sure his people have what they need. This goes back to what we talked about earlier, because we've gotten some there's some ideas out there about what provider means that goes far beyond the ability to make sure your people have what they need. Okay, we'll talk about that more in a moment again one tiventy five to eight. But if anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially members of his household, he has denied the faith and just worse than an unbeliever. And as we said earlier, this is a reference to his man, to a man and his mother, in particular her when she is widowed. This is not just a reference to a man within the context of his household. That part is understood, but let's just put some meat on it here. If this is what the scriptures say about a man taking care of his widowed mother later on, and that he has that kind of commitment that would take care of his widowed mother later on, we need to know what kind of commitment he has today for taking care of his wife. And there are a lot of young men today who see marriage as a merger. Well, I have these skills and abilities and can give this kind of job, and I think she has those skills and abilities and can get that kind of job, and together we could afford this kind of lifestyle. That's common. That's extremely common. It's not biblical, but it's common. Had a couple come up to me not long ago, and this couple is engaged in anything about giving married, and you know, the young woman has they're in older couple to be getting married. They're like early thirties, maybe yourself, but they're just getting around and get married. And so she has a lot of skills and career and this and that and the other. But they're learning, you know, scripture and they're becoming committed to and convinced about some of these things. And so they're asking about, well, what do we do about this? What do we do about that? And she just asked me straight out, is it just wrong for me ever to work? Not necessarily? Oh, not necessarily. But here's the question. Is your heart at home? If your heart is at home and circumstances arise where you have to do certain that happens, But is your heart at home? The young man was saying, again, here's what I'm reading as I listen to this couple. She has these skills, ready to lay them down to go be a wife and a mother. He's not all that convinced that she needs to la him down because her earning potential is probably a little bit higher than his earning potential. So he's going, you know, I'm glad she's got these convictions and everything, but can you provide us with a loophole maybe, you know? And so eventually we talk about this for a little while, and I, you know, I kind of I'm kind, I'm gentle. I don't know them all that, I don't know them at all, you know. Then they come and they ask me, I'm kind, I'm gentle, I'm directing. I'm trying to help him sort of find the answers himself and point him in the right direction. And he's getting some other hints, he's not getting others of the hints. And eventually, here's what I just had to do. There's this guy. I again, you guys might not know me that well. This guy his name is Bad Vote. He lives on the inside of me, and I try to let him out once a week late at night when nobody's around. Try to take him to the gun range regularly, cause that helps him a whole lot. But you know, sometimes he gets loose, and when Bad Vote he gets loose in a circumstance like this, I already know what he's gonna say, which is why I try not to let him get engaged in these kind of conversations, because bad Vote is going to do just what he did with this guy. After seven eight nine hints, Bad Vote just caught. He didn't even ask, can I take this one? He just said, can I ask you a question? Why is it that you are so dead set on her sharing and your part of the curse when it's not even possible for you to share in hers? And it took by eleven twelve seconds for that to sink in, and then they kind of looked at each other and she did one of these. But in that moment he kind of got it. It's your job and they ought to be your delight to take care of her. You're asking the wrong question. Is there a loophole here? Is there a loophole there? Can I get this out of her? Can I get that out of her? You're asking the wrong question. You are the provider. You get that. The rest of that stuff will take care of itself. You are the provider. Does that mean that your wife can never bring anything into your home? Nobody ever said that. But there's a difference between a provider who is providing for a wife who happens to be able for whatever reason, to bring something into their home, tutoring, teaching, piano, teach whatever. There's a difference between a provider who has that just gracious gift from God in his home and a man who looks at his wife and says, what can I squeeze out of you? First seventy five to eight, as the former, not the latter. First Timity five eleven fourteen refuse to enroll younger widows for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incurr condemnation, having abandoned their former faith. Besides that, they learned to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers but also gossips and busy bodies saying what they should not. So I would have younger widows marry, bare children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. Why do I pick this particular passage or this continuation of that passage, Because here's what's interesting. This goes back to something we talked about earlier. There is this argument out there that because of Paul's statements about singleness and the great benefit that it can be to the body for that single person to have that undivided devotion to the Lord, what he does not teach is that singleness is the preferred state. If he believed that singleness was the preferred state, and his sponsor is, hey, if you're a widow, guess what you just got promoted. No, he says, what I really want for younger widows is for them to get married and have children he provided for by a husband. He does not say they've just been promoted to the superior state. The preferred state is marriage. Here's what he also doesn't say, you're widowed. Now it's your responsibility. You go out there, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and go take care of yourself and become an independent woman. No, he says, should God provide the opportunity, Mary, We've already learned earlier the principle that we have from the Old Testament, which is, your father is there to take care of you. As a widow, you may return to your father's house. Is that just clean and neat and easy? If it were, it would be the only thing in the Christian life that fit that category. I haven't found anything in the Christian life that's clean and neat and easy. So what is required? Number One, you must have a job. It's not just a book in the Bible, y'all. He needs to have a job. He must have a job. Beyond that, he must have a work ethic. You can have a job and not have a work ethic. He must have a job. He must have a work ethic. If you have a man with a work ethic, you have a man who basically says I will do whatever it takes to meet my responsibility. Get a man with a job who doesn't have a work ethic, you probably end up with that guy whose wife is always frustrated because no job is ever right for him, and there's always something that they do to mess up what could have been his perfect opportunity. In the words of that theologian Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that one, Timothy, or first Thessalonians four ten to twelve. But we urge you, brothers, to excel still more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, and to tend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you, so that you will behave properly toward outsiders and not be in any need. That's a far cry from to have six months if it comes, Do you have a work ethic? Proverbs six six through eleven. Go to the ant, oh sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which, having no chief officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer, and gathers her provision in the harvest. How long will you lie down, oh sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest. Your poverty will come in like a vagabond, and your need like an armed man. Listen, a man with an inheritance who's lazy can have all the trappings today of a good provider, but it will only be a matter of time. Before it's all gone. So if all we look at is what's been accumulated and not how we miss this, we miss this Colossians three twenty two to twenty four. Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. There's our attitude toward our work. It is to bring glory and honor to the Lord Jesus Christ. That's the gold in our work. Again, we've missed this, and we communicate this to our children as well. Now what you have to do is you have to find that thing that will make you so happy that it really won't be work. There's a couple of problems with that. Number One, it is completely and utterly self indulgent. Number Two, it's a lie because I don't care how much you love that thing. Some days it's just going to be a job. A man. There are people around here, and again, talk to a fighter pilot. Now most of us think, oh, man, fighter pilot, that's just awesome, fighter pilot. I wish I could be a fighter pilot. I bet that's never like going to work. Really, talk to one, talk to one. It's not glamorous every day. Some days you just don't feel like doing it. Oh, musician, Oh if I could just be a musician. Oh I love music. I bet that's not like going to work. Yuh, Actually it is an artist. Oh if I could just be an artist? Or bet that's not like going to work. Yeah, man, go cut his ear off whatever it is that you do. Here's the problem. Here's what we're communicating. Now. What God has said in the curse is that you are going to work and you're going to eat your bread by the sweat of your brow. That it's going to be difficult for you as a result of the fall. However, I've found a loophole, and if you just find the right job, you can overcome the curse by putting yoursel Do you hear that? And then we wonder why two things happen? Number One, We've got young men who are twenty five, thirty, thirty five years old still living in their mama's basement because they just can't find not a job but the job. And number two, why there are so many men who bounce around from not just job to job to job, but first major to major to major, and then career to career to career, all trying to find something that the Bible clearly says does not exist. There is no work that is not work. The funny thing is people say that sometimes about being a pastor. Well, it must be great being a pastor. You just get to help people all the time. You never feel like you're going to work. It's really don't go to church much, do you. It's work. It's work, but we do it as unto the Lord. So what do we look for again? We look for a job, We look for a work ethic, and we look for a readiness and a willingness to accept the responsibility of marriage and parenting. Notice I had and parenting. If you're not ready to be a parent, you're not ready to be married. Let me say that again. If you're not ready to be a parent, you're not ready to be married. We get this all the time. So here's what happens. You get these couples, and these couples come together and usually they sort of they do not go through proper biblical channels. Now these couples have come together and they're Christians, so they want to get married. They want to do the right thing, and you sit out and you ask them, Okay, great, tell me about your plan for when children come along, because you can have kids next year. Oh no, Actually, we read in a Christian family book that you should actually be married to one another for two or three years before you start having kids. Really, what texts did they cite? It was? They didn't. You don't find that in the scriptures. We make love, God makes life. Amen. See I told you guys earlier that Bridges and I got married this summer between my sophomore and junior year in college. What I did not tell you is that our daughter, Jasmine, was born ten months later. Because we were what you call efficient, and so all those people who were just so worried that I was going to be a husband in my junior year, I went one better. I was a husband and a father. If you're not ready to be a parent, you're not ready to be married. And if your attitude is no, no, no, I want the benefits of marriage, but not the responsibilities. You got the wrong attitud about marriage and you're not ready to be a provider. It gets even worse. There are young people who come in from marital counseling who say things like, not sure if we really even want to have kids, because we just completely miss the big picture. A young man is a provider. He's got a plan. He's got a plan to take care of his wife, and he's got a plan to take care of his children when they come. Finally, the husband's protector. The protector places himself between his people and those who would do them harm. The protector places himself between his people and those who would do them harm. So that this is neemia four or fourteen. And I looked and arose and said to the nobles, and to the officials, and to the rest of the people, do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes. Notice anything missing there, your husbands? Why? Because women are to be protected, They are not our protect ours. I don't care how many women we put in combat is wrong, and not only is it wrong, but it has a degrading impact on the culture because no longer do we look to women as those to be protected, but we look to women as those to be competed with. We look to women not as the weaker sex, but just as a mirror image of ourselves, who, by the way, can gratify us from time to time. That is a horrible, horrible reality with which we live and unfortunately, for most of us, our response is to kind of put our heads in the sand and not say anything about it. Let me ask you something. If you are raising little boys and little girls in a culture that sends its women off to fight its battles in combat, and you don't say anything about it, do you really think you haven't said anything about it? You've communicated clearly because you've said nothing, when in fact, what ought to be said is you know, son, you know daughter, I know you see a lot of pictures of women out there doing this whole soldier thing, of women out there doing this whole battle thing. I want you to understand something. Men protect women. That's not right. You were always to be the protector. Now does that mean that women are doormats. Let me answer this way, see if I can communicate to you what our belief system is in our family. A couple of weeks ago, Trey and I are in the Middle East. We're doing a couple of conferences in Dubai and over in cutter and we're gone for a little over a week. And while we were gone, Bridget had to go out and run some errands. And while Bridget is out running errands, and again, they're always sort of a little on edge, especially when we're gone so far away, which we don't do often, one or two times a year maybe. And so we're gone far away, and she calls back to the house. Jasmine doesn't answer the phone. She calls Jasmine's cell phone. Jasmine doesn't answer her cell phone. She calls the house again, Jasmine doesn't answer the phone. She calls Jasmine's cell phone again, Jasmine doesn't answer the cell phone. Now that's the story from Bridget's perspective. Here's the story from Jasmine's perspective. Dad, I'm laying there and I don't know. Something just came over me. I was just tired and I fell asleep. I'm sleeping on the couch. I'm hanging off the couch. I'm just I don't even know what's going on. The boys are taking a nap, the baby's with mom, and I'm just laying down. And all of a sudden, I hear Jasmine, she knows the sound that was her mom coming in the house, locked and loaded. Jasmine jumps up off the couch. What what looking at this image of her beautiful, dainty mother and her nine millimeter doing exactly what her husband taught her. Not maybe you need to be a door mat. No, not at all. That's not the point that I'm making here. I'm not saying that women don't need to know how to protect themselves, but it is our responsibility to be their protectors. So what do we look for? Does this mean that a man, you know it, has to have a gun, He has to know martial arts so that he has to be able to you know, I just listen, listen. There's a man who can walk into a dark alley with some shady characters and be the one who walks back out. There's another man who would never walk my daughter down that dark alley. Which one do I want? I'll take both? Why not? But if I can only have one. I want the guy who's never going to walk down there. First thing, boxers learn best way not to get hit, don't be there. Number one. He must be a man of personal strength. He must be a man of personal strength, sound in mind, sounding body, a man of personal strength. Secondly, he must be a man of wisdom and not a fool. This is the guy who doesn't go down to the dark alley. Amen. He must be a man of wisdom and not a fool. There are some men whom trouble follows. They usually have very large mouths. Amen. He must be a man of wisdom and not a fool. Thirdly, he must be a man of courage. He must be a man of courage. If he's a man of personal strength, a man of wisdom and a man of courage, he's got. But he needs to be a protector. He's got what he needs to put himself between his people and anything that would do them harm. Is he a protector? Now? How can I know that he's a protector. There are a number of ways to know whether or not a man is a protector, But let me give you this. One way that you know that a man is a protector is that he comes to you first and not to your daughter. That's one of the ways that you know that a man is a protector. I talked to my sons about this. Younger ones. They really don't even get it. But here's the I talked to him about it. Anyway, I'll let him listen in while I talk to their older brother and see. Here's what ought to be a man's introduction to you. If you're interested in his daughter. How do you do? Sir? My name is Freybachi Malaja, Baka Judebacum whatever, and I am here to talk with you about your daughter. I am very interested in her now. At this point, they'll probably come a response. Ninety nine out of one hundred fathers in America are going to then say, really does shield this you guys? Dating? Have you you know, to which you respond no, sir, I have done everything in my power to keep this from your daughter, at which point ninety nine fathers out of one hundred in America are going to say really, so, why, to which you respond I desire to protect your daughter's heart, even from me, and I want to make sure that you her protector, have an opportunity to vet me as a potential suitor, so that you, as her protector, determine that it is not wise for me to pursue your daughter. I leave this conversation. Your daughter is none the wiser and she is not hurt. That man has just proven himself to be a protector. That man says, I protect her even from me, until you say differently, man, Now like you say, oh, that's old fashioned. This is not about old or new. This is about right. This is about right because how often do we end up in a situation where young women get hurt because they're taking advantage of How often do we end up in a situation where relationships with families are fractured because by the time parents get involved in the situation, it's too late for them to say yay or nay. The die has already been cast, and now there is this war that goes on and there are at loggerheads between them and their child because it's some poacher Aya. Very early on, you have an opportunity to demonstrate your ability and your desire to be a protector. Now, after he's done that, you can take him to the gun range and make sure that he checks out and all that other stuff. But first, first, he makes sure that he's going to protect her heart. A man who will protect my daughter's heart I know, will protect the rest of her. A man who won't even protect her heart. I have great doubts about him being there when the gyps are down and she needs him. These are the four peace. A priest who represents his people before God, the prophet who represents God before his people, the provider who sees to it that his people have what they need. And the protector who places himself between his people and anyone or anything who would do them harm. And who again is our example in this but Christ himself, who is our priest, our prophet, our provider, and our protector. He is all of those things, He models all of those things, and he enables us to do and to be those things for his glory, for his honor and his namesake, Because after all, this covenant or relationship that we call marriage is merely a reflection of the relationship that he has with his bride. The church. Oh, let's pray, Father, thank you for our bridegroom, who is our priest in the order of Melchizedek, who is our prophet, who is indeed our provider, our shepherd who so meets our needs that we shall not want. Our protector, whose rod and staff comfort us, the one who is seated at your right hand forever making intercession for us, the one who is coming to redeem us and to unite us with himself, the one who has gone to prepare a place for us, and the one who gives human marital relationships their meaning. May we raise sons who reflect these truths, daughters who respect and seek after them. May we be fathers who exemplify them by your grace, for your glory and Krishna comment ahm