The Importance of Biblical Disciplining Children

Amen, you have your bibles, open them to Ephesians chapter six, verses one through four. Did I turn it? There we go Pesians chapter six, verses one through four. And here we're looking at this picture of discipline and the way that we raise our children and discipline our children. Fjians chapter six, verses one through four, very familiar passage of scripture. We read, children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment, with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And here, as we look at this passage of scripture, what I want to lift from this text is three phases I see in this discipleship and discipline process with our children. Three phases I believe that are outlined clearly here in this passage. And they are these. The first phase is the discipline in training phase. The second phase, well I like to call the catechism phase, and the third phase the discipleship phase. Now, again, these are not hard and fast phases. Here, they don't necessarily begin and end at particular times, nor do they open and close consecutively. These are things that we're doing all the time with our children. But for example, the discipline and training phase is incredibly important, crucial in those first few years of child's life, especially those first few years of which old's. Are we done with discipline and training after those first through three years, No, we're not, But it's most crucial and matters more than all else during those first three years the catechism phase. That catechism phase generally begins when children become verbal. That changes from child to child, the changes between it's different from boys to girls, but it's generally when children become verbal, and that discipleship phase is the one that begins later on in their lives. Becomes a little more clear cut, but I'll get to that momentarily. As we talk about this, the idea of the discipline of our children and the training of our children, you often get confusion, and sometimes you actually get objections within reform circles because it is as though some who perhaps don't unders and the doctrines of grace as thoroughly, Some perhaps who haven't been around reformed doctrine very long start to lean on and understand the sovereignty of God. And it's just it's blessed, this idea of the sovereignty of God. But as you well know, there are some people who embrace the idea of the sovereignty of God and then stop engaging in evangelism, or if they don't stop engaging in evangelism, they feel funny about it, as though somehow witnessing with passion is evidence that they don't really believe in the sovereignty of God. Some will apply that same thing to the way that we discipline and disciple our children, and as though we believe in the sovereignty of God. But it sounds like you're saying here that if we just do this, everything will turn out all right with our kids. I'm not saying that at all. This is not formulaic and there are no guarantees. Listen to this from Loreene Bettner talk about this kind of objection. This objection, however, like the one, the effact that this system discourages all motives to exertion, is completely answered by the great principle which we hold and teach, namely that the means as well as the ends are foreordained God's decree that the earth should be fruitful did not exclude but included the sunlight, the showers, the tillage of the husbandman, etc. If God has forordained a man to have a crop of corn, he has also foreordained him to plow and plant and cultivate, and to do all other necessary things to secure the crop, just as the purpose to build includes the ewing of stone, the squaring of timbers, and the preparation of all materials which enter into the structure, and as a declaration of war includes arms, ammunition, ships, and all other necessary equipment. Again, because we prepare and do those things that are necessary, does it mean that we don't trust in the sovereignty of God. This is the farmer who trust in the sovereignty of God. Stop planting, weeding, fertilizing. No, he does all those things because the God who we serve, has for ordained the ends as well as the means. Do I believe that God is sovereign in salvation? Absolutely, But I believe that He uses the foolishness of preaching to call out those who are His. And so I preach. Thank God for the doctrine of election. In the words of spurgeon, let's go elect some more. Amen. Not that you're going to add to the number that God elects. But the idea there is that we are passionate about those whom God has called to be his own, hearing the gospel, which is the means by which He calls them to himself. So we proclaim the gospel. And there are those who argue. You know, it's interesting you believe in the sovereignty of God's things. Seems like it would sort of eliminate your motivation to evangelism. Quite the contrary, It guarantees my success, am en. It guarantees my success and motivates me all the more. God uses the foolishness of preaching the same when it comes to our children. This is not about guaranteed outcomes, but this is about us obeying God and trusting him to bring forth fruit as he's promised you would. So in his first phase, the discipline and training phase, what are we saying to our children. We are saying, child, give me your attention. That's it. Those first few years of life. Nothing is more important to say to our children than give me your attention. Human babies are different than the other babies in the animal kingdom. Babies in the animal Kingdom come into this world, they PLoP down on the ground, and within minutes they're up walking around within minutes. Human baby's not so much. Can't make it on their own. They are utterly dependent. God has designed them that way because of that. When a human baby comes home, we spend we pay much more attention to that baby than that baby does to us. But at some point that must change, and we must communicate to that child as lovingly as we possibly can. You're gonna make it now. Your survival has been secured, and from this point on, you must pay a lot more attention to us than we do to you, because now that's what your survival depends on. Amen. If we don't do that, we raise egocentric, narcissistic, spoiled beasts, and that is not what we're after here. Listen to this. And the Lord came and stood calling as at at the time Samuel Samuel, and Samuel said, speak for your servants. And the Lord said to Samuel, behold, I am about to do a thing in Israel, at which the two ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house from beginning to end, and I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. Therefore, I swear to the House of Eli that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering for ever. That's just one of those passages in it. That's just one that you just read and it just pours over you. Listen to this. John Wesley commenting on this, he contented himself with a cold reproof and did not punish and effectually restrain them. They who can and do not restrain others from sin make themselves protect of the guilt. Those in authority will have a great deal to answer for if the sword they bear be not a terror to evildoers. Alexander MacLaren, commenting on the same passage, We may learn from Eli how cruel parenor laxity is, and how fatal mischief may be done by neglect of the plain duty of restraining children. He who tolerates evil, which it is his province to suppress is an accomplice, and the blood of the doers is read on his hands. Matthew Henry, commenting on the same passage, those who do not restrain the sins of others when it is in their power to do it, make themselves partakers of the guilt and will be charged as joining in it. Now we hear that, and when we hear that about parents, and I just read those. I wanted to read those. I wanted you to hear those comments, because here's our natural tendency in this day and age and in this culture. Our natural tendency in this day and age and in this culture is well, I mean, you know, come on, their kids, and they have their own minds and they're gonna do their own things. And certainly we're not accountable for that. Certainly were not. Here's what's interesting. If I take those same comments and apply them to a police officer, have no problem with it. For example, there's a woman outside and someone is taking her purse, ripping her purse from her arm as she screams for help. We all rush to the window to see a man punching and kicking this woman as he finally rips the purse from her arm. And then we look up and realize that there is a police officer not fifty feet away who watched the whole thing. Our immediate response is, you had the gun, you had the badge, you had the charge, and you did nothing. You're wrong. That's what God's saying to Eli. You had the charge and you did nothing. Does this mean that we can halt the sin of our children. Absolutely not, No more than a police officer can change the intent of the heart of a burglar. However, he does his job and restrains what he sees when he has occasion to do it. That's the call of a parent to restrain what we see when we have occasion to do it. The police officer is absolutely wrong if he just sort of wifes his hands and looks and says, huh, crooks, We're just as guilty when we wipe our hands and say toddlers teenagers. Some of this from Jonathan Edwards. Remember Edwards is writing this in the mid seventeen hundreds, the early to mid seventeen hundreds. Just keep that in mind. If you say you cannot restrain your children, this is no excuse. For it is a sign that you have brought up your children without government, that your children regard, not your authority. When parents lose their government over their children, their reproofs and counsels signified. But little How many parents are there who are exceedingly faulty on this account? How few are there who are thorough in maintaining order and government in their families? How is family government in a great measure vanished? And how many are as likely to bring a curse upon their families as eli? This is one principal ground of the corruptions which prevail in the land. This is the fountain of so much debauchery and of such corrupt practices among young people. You thought it just got bad since the fifties. Family government is in a great measure extinct by neglect, and this particular, parents bring the guilt of their children's sins upon their own souls, and the blood of their children will be required at their hands. Again, is it my fault that my child did this? No? But do not God's words to Ezekie, you ring in your ears His warning. If I say to the sinner and you don't say to the sinner, you're guilty not for what they did, but for standing idly by and not proclaiming what thus saith the Lord. That's the problem here with Eli. God is not saying your sons would not have been sinful had you done something. God is saying your sons are guilty, and oh, by the way God deals with them. Amen, But you're guilty because just like they are not walking in obedience to me, you did not walk in obedience to me in the way that you responded to the sinfulness of your children. It is not enough to simply say, oh, well, that's the way they are. So what do we do here. Here's what we're going for in that first phase. It's really simple Verses one through three. Children obey your parents and the Lord. So in that first phase, we want children to learn to do what they're told. It's really simple. If I tell my child to do something and they don't do what I told them, they did not obey. If they did not obey, that's altogether disobedience. Secondly, I want my children to learn to do what they're told when they're told. If I tell much how to do something and my child doesn't do what I tell much how to do when I told much how to do it, but instead waits until they feel like doing it, that's delayed obedience. And there is a very important Greek word for delayed obedience. It is disobedience. Our children must learn to do what they're told, when they're told, and to do it with a respectful attitude. Honor your father than your mother. It's the first command with a promise, honor your father than your mother. So if I tell my child to do something, and my child does what I tell them and when I tell them, but does it with the lagging of the head and the clecking of the tongue and the stumping of the feet and the slamming of the door, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, they have still violated the fifth commandment. That's wrong, it's unacceptable, and it has to be corrected. That's what we're shooting for in these first three years. We've got so many people out there, and there's programs out there, and they will tell you by this and your child will learn to read by age three. But much more important that your child learned to do what they're told when they're told, with a respectful latitude. Much more important you learn to read whenever. Okay, I know there are all these people out there that earlier they learn how to read, the better off they're gonna be. And there's plenty of people who learn how to read by age three who hate books today, plenty of other folks who learn how to read much later in life that just can't put them down. Am I saying that it's not important that we teach our children to read? Please don't. Okay, that is not my point. But what I am saying is if you put reading by age three on one side of the scale, and learning to do what you're told when you're told with a respectful latitude on the other, the scales tip and the side of obedience. We must teach our children to obey. Will they do this perfectly? Will they do anything perfectly? No? No, our children will not do this perfectly. But it is incredibly important that they do this. Why First because God commands it. Secondly, because we're going to move to the next phase. We're teaching our children something, and it is nigh unto impossible to teach a disobedient child. And we want our children to give us their hearts, and so we work toward disobedience, not to impress people. We work toward this because we have a greater goal in mind, we represent God's authority in their lives, and we want them to understand the importance of obedience, and so it's important that we communicate that to them during this phase. What do we avoid? Avoid inconsistency? Avoid inconsistency. What does inconsistentency look like? Oh, I'm glad you asked. Inconsistentcy looks like mom has one standard of obedience and dad has another, and instead of getting on the same page, they send mixed messages to the child. That's inconsistency. Or how about the inconsistency of when we're at home, we have one standard, but when we're out in front of people and don't want to be embarrassed, we have another that is inconsistency, and it confuses the child. So we want to avoid inconsistency. We want to be consistent. Secondly, we want to avoid anger. We want to avoid anger. Why well, according to James one nineteen, the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. We want to avoid anger. We want to avoid using anger as a tool against our children. That's wrong, because I don't want my children to obey me because they fear me. I want them to obey me because they honor me and the position that God has placed me in. So we avoid anger things like yelling. But you need to confess. I used to be a yeller. I was a yeller. I was It's just my thing. I yelled. My lovely wife one day s put me aside and she said, sweetheart, I love you. I just need to say something to you. You are a very large, scary, deep dark milk chocolate man with a scary voice. You don't have to yell at anybody. Here's the other thing I had to learn as a big, scary man with a big, scary voice who yelled at his children. I was teaching them to respond and fear to me. My wife's not big and scary. They didn't respect her the same way. That's what anger and yelling and all that stuff gets. We want to win our children's hearts. Anger doesn't do that, and the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. If we are using anger as a tool, we are not trusting God. We're not trusting God. Avoid contradiction. Contradiction like what contradiction Like you be kind to your brother? You can't say a man you ought to say ouch? Okay, that's contradiction. How about this contradiction. Johnny put down that toy touch one two, see women, that's contradiction. Yeah, that's contradiction. Because remember when I said earlier, there's a Greek word for delayed obedience, and it is called disobedience. If I tell Johnny to do something and then I count, I'm teaching Johnny. You don't have to do what I say when I say it, but somewhere between when I say it and when I count to three. In other words, here's what I'm doing. I'm saying, Johnny, Daddy wants to teach you something. Daddy wants to teach you this thing called delayed obedience. Or Johnny let that he just be honest. Daddy wants to teach you to sin. So Johnny put that down one. I'm coaching Johnny in sin. I'm flexing his sin muscle, and I'm teaching him delayed obedience by counting, or by repeating myself ninety seven times. I didn't say, never repeat yourself. Sometimes Johnny might not have heard me. By the way, there's a way to figure that out. You tell Johnny to do something, Johnny didn't do it. You start walking toward Johnny with the rod of correction. Johnny will either run immediately go and do what he heards you say, in which case he's busted, or Johnny will say what I do, then Johnny earns a repeat. What to employ? You know what employ encouragement with your children. There's this beautiful grace that God gives our children, and it is this desire that they have to please us. That thing in them that lights up when you put something on the refrigerator that they did, or that thing in them that smiles so big that you did. It looks like they're gonna break their face just because you said, yeay, there's something. And that's God's grace. That's God's grace. Use that I use that Enjoy that it's God's grace. Encourage your children. Secondly, instruct your children. Instruct your children. This is formative discipline. Instruct your children. Imagine if you will. You know, there's a coach who comes out and you know, you got a basketball team. And the coach comes out and he's got his players out there. It's the first day of practice, and he throws the ball out there and he says, Okay, guys, I want you guys to run our full court press. Guys, let's go. What's wrong? I can't imagine. Come on, everybody's doing laughs. What's the problem, oh coach, it's the first day of practice. You never taught us what our full court press was, and you're now punishing us for not doing something that you never taught us to do. By the way, don't get too hard on the coach, because the overwhelming majority of Christian parents who say Johnny share have never taken fifteen minutes to teach Johnny how to share. They've never sat down with Johnny and Susie and Mikey and said, Okay, Johnny, Susie and Mikey, we're gonna play the sharing gang. It's the sharing gang. We're gonna learn how to share. Daddy's gonna have the toy, and you're gonna look, and Daddy's gonna have the choy, and we rejoice with one another because we are members of one another. You rejoice when I rejoice, So you're happy because I had the toy. But now I also want to rejoice when you rejoice. So I'm gonna give it to Susie, and Susie's gonna have her turn and We're gonna delight in the fact that Susie's enjoying this because this is called sharing, Remember, because we're remembers of one another. I'll rejoice when you notice there's biblical principles being taught here, and I'm actually showing them exactly what I want them to do. You'd be surprised how many Christian parents have never once instructed their children in anything, never once sat down taking five, ten, fifteen minutes with their children to teach them to do those things that we expect them to do. Never once said, Okay, we're gonna practice greeting. When we greet, when do we do? When we greet, we stand up, we looked in the eye, we reach our hand, we shake firmly. None of the fish, you know what I mean. Come on, that's all we do. And we do it, and it's great. What do we encouragement? That's awesome, that's wonderful. That's great. Let's do it again. That's awesome. That's wonderful, that's great, Let's do it again. That's awesome. That's wonderful. That's great, Let's do it again. And all of a sudden, the shy kid who likes to hide behind your leg when he meets other people, comes to church the next day and looks at you and says, can we do it? It comes somebody and they may just get it backwards because they're thinking about it so hard. Okay, I'm gonna shake it. Oh, I'm gonna look at you. And you can see them going through the motions. But what are they doing? Calling what you taught them? And they're attempting to comply. Now, once you've encouraged your children and instructed your children, they are going to rebel against what you've instructed and encouraged them to do. So then what do you employ? Correction? Correction for those who are not used to that kind of archaic language, let me put the cookies on the bottom shelf. Please spank your children early. And often I've met people who said, you know, I'll tell you what that one right there, it's just a breeze raising him, or is it? No? Never a hymn? Never get that with him? Always with her, it was just a breeze raising her. I think maybe I spanked her once or twice, going, really, that doesn't get us out of the bed in the morning some days, Are you serious? In their whole life. That's not very active parenting. We're not raising Jesus Amen, We're raising rebellious children. But some will tell you I love this. This again is from Wesley. Some will tell you all this is lost labor. A child need not be spanked at all. Instruction, persuasion, and advice will be sufficient for any child without spanking, especially if general reproof be added. As occasion may require. I answer. There may be particular instances wherein this method may be successful. But you must not in any wise lay this down as an universal rule, unless you suppose yourself wiser than Solomon, order to speak more properly, wiser than God. Wh It is God himself who best knoweth his own creatures, that has told us expressly. He that spareth the rod hateth his son, But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. And upon this is grounded that plain commandment directed to all that fear God. Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Spank your children. And we don't like this. Here's why we don't like this. There's a number of reasons we don't like this. The number one reason we don't like this is because we mistakenly believe that our children will love us more if we don't spank them. That's just not true. You don't spank your children, they will grow to despise you. They will not grow to respect you. It is simply not true. Here's the other thing. We believe doctor Spock and doctor phil and doctor Oprah more than we believe doctor Solomon. Amen, because doctor Solomon says, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, folly is bound up in the heart of the child, and the rod of correction will drive it far from him. Imagine if you will, your child is bitten by a snake. We talked about this around Texas. We gotta gaging. You know, everybody knows what to do, especially out in West Texas. You just pull a random person over in West Texas and ask them. They know what to do. What do you do if you're bitten by a snake? Well, the first thing you do is you find a snake, you cut his head off. You take them back in, and the bitten person take him to the hospital. You want them both, why because you want the people at the hospital to know what kind of snake bit your baby. So you go, here's my baby. That's what bit him. Then they will come back with the anti venom. And then he come back with the anti venom, and they'll bring the needle and they will give the child a shot. And he answer, oh wait a minut. No no no, no, no, no, no, don't give my child that shot. Why because that needle will hurt my baby. Okay, but there's venom in your child, and I have to give your child a shot so your child will live. Yes, but I love my child and I do not want you to inflict pain on my child by sticking that needle in my child. So I simply cannot let you do it. Now. No parent would ever do that, Yes they would, because God says there's a venom in your child, and the anti venom is the right of correction. And your response, oh, but I love my child so much, I can never do that. It's poison. It's poison. Please correct your children. The other reason that we don't like this is because of all the talk of abuse. Are the people who are abused. Yes, there are people who are abused. Yes, absolutely, there are people who are abused. So don't abuse your children but spank them. Yes, but you know all these people who are abused and spanking and abused and this, and that. There are people who abuse the internet. You got that. There are people who abuse work. They're called workaholics. Got a job. There are people who abuse all manner of things. That doesn't mean that you abandon those things because somebody abuses them. Employ this please, by the way, you know what I found. People who abuse children usually are people who don't spank enough. Now, I know that sounds counterintuitive, but let me play this out for you. Mom's home, and Mom's got Johnny and Susie, and Mom's doing her thing, and she's going about her business, and Johnny's just particularly just rowdy today. And Johnny gets up in the morning, and Johnny's playing around and doing whatever and not being very obedient. Mom's frustration meter grows up a little bit, goes up to about one. But it's okay, Johnny's all right. Eventually she gets some wrangled, gets his clothes on, come down to the table. Now at the table, he's not being obedient, doesn't want this, he doesn't want that. He throws a tantrum, so on and so forth. Mommy's frustration meter grows up a little bit more, but that's okay. We get through breakfast. After that, Johnny's supposed to sit down and do whatever. Johnny doesn't want to be obedient. Johnny wants to do what Johnny wants to do. Eventually, Mormy sort of gives in. That frustration meter is going up higher and higher, and hire nap time comes. Johnny doesn't want to take a nap. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Mom's frustration meters off the charts. Now Susie decides that she wants to join in. Mom's frustration meter is off the charts. Now they finally get up. It's time for them to do something. After lunchtime, Johnny does one more thing and Mom goes off, and she wheels on the boy in anger and abuses the child, all because she refused to give him the ten or twelve spankings that he should have gotten earlier in the day where she was under control, where she could have brought the Scripture to bear, showed him his sin, reminded him of the God who loves him and therefore gave him parents who would correct him. Reminded him that Christ had to die because of sins like the one that he committed, and that ultimately he needs Jesus for forgiveness. She should have done that ten eleven, twelve times, lovingly and under control, but she didn't, so she got angry and she beat the child. Now he's confused, she feels guilty, and guess what, it'll be that much longer before she spanks him again. And when she does, you guessed it, she'll probably be out, probably be out of control. That's what happens with the abuse active parenting. Spanking her children on the regular, it becomes tiring. Some of them will go through phases where you've got a few days where you feel like one of y'all is not gonna make it Amen, And there will be those moments. We have those moments. We call them tag team moments. Okay, we call them tag team moments. And Mama will come in and she will say, will you please go spank your son? That have to go? Okay, which morning? Because you know? And why why do I need to go spank your son? Because I love him and I want him to live? Enough, said son, Daddy's here to spank you because mom loves you and wants you to live. And if she did this, I understand, dad, Do those moments come? Yes, those moments come. But here's what's interesting. The more committed we are to dealing with things regularly, the less likely we are to get to those kinds of moments. And so we employ correction, loving correction. By the way, in our home, correction of our children always ends with reconciliation, always ends with reconciliation. It never ends with additional punishment, especially the kind of punishment that says, I'm so mad at you, I just don't want to see your face. Wait a minute, I send justice was swift and it's been meted out. Now you're gonna punish me with the relationship too. Songs like you're holding onto something that you should have let go of. Again, he can't say a man, You say, ouch, that's a you problem. Now you need to go deal with God, deal with your child, reconcile with your child, and then move on so that your child recognizes that what he is hitting his head against is a rock called God's truth and God's word. This is not about my relationship with you. I love you, and it's because I love you that I'm obeying God in this area. It's not personal. I'm doing this because it's my duty as your parent and because I want the best for you. And once it's over, it's over. We need to reconcile and we just move on. Well, what happens if I spank my child and my child won't reconcile. I'm afraid you have to spank them again, because that's rebellion. What if I do that and I just get tired? Tag team, Some of you are looking at me like you know what I'm talking about because you had a session or two like that. It happens. It happens. But our children need to know that we're absolutely committed to them, and we're absolutely committed even more to God than what he says about the way we deal with them. They need to know that why is it important? Eventually we get to this next level. We even deal with it. We started even when they're smaller and they can't quite understand it. But eventually we formally get to the catechism phase. In the catechism phase, we say to our child, give me your mind. In the first phase, it's given me your attention. In this next phase is given me your mind. Now that I have your attention, hear me. There's some things that I want to teach you again, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That means we are to teach them what to believe and why to believe it. This happens when our children become verbal. You know, one of the greatest tragedies in recent days is this emphasis. You see, young people are going off and droves from their churches to universities and they're not lasting. And so a lot of people think that the problem is universities, or they think the problem is that the kids aren't quite ready and prepared to defend their faith when they get to universities. So what's happening is there's a new trend. And the new trend is you do intensive worldview and apologetics training with your children, you know, seventeen eighteen years old, so that when they go off to college, they've had a couple of weeks of intensive apologetics training so that everything's okay. So you teach them what to believe and why to believe, right before you send them off the slaughter. You teach them what to believe and why to believe when they become verbal. But we're not catechizing anymore. Here's the great irony. What's apologetics? Apologetics again based on First Peter Chapter three, Always be ready to give an answer to anyone who asks you the reason for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and with reverence. It is knowing what you believe, why you believe it, and being able to communicate that effectively to others. That's the definition of apologetics in a nutshell. Know what you believe, know why you believe it, and be able to communicate that effectively to others. So when people ask you the reason for the hope that is in you, you can respond and give the reason for the hope that is in you. So they ask you a question about what you believe, and you can answer the question that they ask about what you believe. Some of you are going, Okay, we get it. Why do you keep pressing that point? Catechism catechisms learning what you believe through a series of questions and answers. Apologetics being able to answer questions about what you believe. Apologetics training is not what you do for two weeks with a seventeen year old before you set them off to the university. It's what you do with two and three year olds for the whole time that you got them. Teach them what to believe and why to believe it. What do we employ? Scripture memory? Scripture memory. Our children need to memorize the scriptures. Get it in there. They need to memorize God's word, your word. Have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you? Do you believe that? If you believe that, you'll get the scripture into your child. Secondly, great hymns of the faith, great hymns of the faith. Why are they great hymns of the faith. They're great hymns of the faith because of their content. They stood the test of time because of their content. Teach your children the great hymns of the faith. Get it in there. Cram it in there, CDEs music around your house, play it, they'll learn it. You'll be amazed. And the catechism that fits your faith tradition. Okay, do these things. Get it in there. Now here are some objections that are here when I talk to people about these things. And again, I know this is part of the culture around here, but you know that there are these objections. Well, you know, I don't want to cram religion down my child's throat. I'd rather them develop a relationship with God, not just that sort of rope memorization religion stuff. Really, do you want them to love books? Of course I do, but you make them learn the ABC's by rope memorization. Do you want them to love education? Of course I do, but you force them to start school before they even know what school is, and you force them to go every day whether they feel like it or not. How come when it comes to God we're afraid, but when it comes to everything else we will not compromise. Why is that? No? Get it in there? They learn far more than we think they learnt. Micah is our sixteen month old, and this is several months ago. We're and our family worship one evening, and in our family worship time in the evening, we end all the time with the doxology. It's just what we do. And the boy, the little boys all get excited about that. They love to sing the doxology and they love to stand up and just felt it out. One day we're sitting in our family worship, was going a little bit longer, and then a little bit longer, a little bit longer. The older kids that just sort of relaxed onto something and it was just good, you know. Well, it was a little past Micah's bedtime. Micah can't talk, but Michael wanted to communicate to us that he was done. So all of a sudden, we hear, where's that. It's Michael singing the doxology. It's time to go. Have we taught him the doxology? Well, yes and no. They heard it every night and he knew that that's what we did. When we finished. They learn more than we think they learn. Last phase, the discipleship phase. Give me your hand, Give me your hand. This is what we're moving toward. This is where we get to the pidea where we walk together, teach them to live out well what they've come to believe, and teach them through life on life interaction. Again, this is where we're getting to. So many parents will either err on one side or the other. So many parents will work hard on the discipline and training phase because we want obedient children and we value that above all else. And we end up with children who are obedient outwardly and very impressive outwardly. Then there are others who are on the other side. I want knowledgeable children. I want your well informed children, and we don't deal with the discipline side of the equation. All of these things work together. So when we're disciplining our children and training our children, when we're catechizing our children, when we eventually get to this place where we're walking with our children and their adult lives, teaching them to walk out the things that they've learned. By the way, when I say their adult lives, I mean New Testament adult hood, not modern American adulthood. I mean twelve thirteen adulthood, not eighteen to thirty five somewhere in the middle of their depending on whether you go to graduate school or not adulthood. Okay, I mean Biblical adulthood. It's time when they reach that age in their life twelve thirteen years old where you begin to treat them like young adults and you say to them, give me your hand. You've given me your attention, and as an obedient child, you've learned from me, and I have taught you what to believe in, why to believe it. Now I want you to walk with me as I show you, through life on life interaction, how to walk out these things. This is when we maximize our time together. What do we avoid? Avoid shipping your kids off during this crucial time. You know one of the things that I just cannot comprehend. I just I don't get it, and I see it everywhere I go, and you see homeschool families who will say we're going to homeschool until junior high or high school. I'm going turn out. That's the most crucial phase. That's to give me your hand phase. That's the walk with me while I show you how to live out what I've taught you to believe. Phase. Why do you know the most common answer? Sports? Right, that's the answer. I want them in cheerleading, I want them in football, I want them in basketball or whatever. That is the most common answer, because we believe that that is the crucial life altering experience that all of our children need to have. No, don't shift your kids off during this time. Secondly, avoid discipleship by proxy. Avoid discipleship by proxy. What is discipleship by proxy? Well, the most common form of discipleship by proxy among Christians in our culture is youth ministry AMEN, where the youth pastor is the one who disciples get Youth pastors talk about teenagers as my kids, my students, my teenagers. They set the tone, they set the direction, they set the scope and the sequence for what these kids are going to experience while they're in that ministry. And then they have parents who come to them and sit down in the office of this youth pastor who in most instances have never raised any kids, and say to them, here's the problem that the kids dealing with. What are you going to do? It's discipleship by proxy. Thirdly, avoid gender confusion. Avoid gender confusion. This is when it's important for young men to be with men and young women to be with women. I I and I say this, I say this, I say this. I j just hear me on this. I say this so many of the places that I go one of the and I'm I've been so pleased since I've been here. It's been just amazing. But you are going to recognize what I'm talking about immediately. I go to homeschool conference, and I've been doing the homeschool conference thing all that long. I I really haven't net the last four or five years. Maybe I've been doing homeschool conferences. But I began to notice something, and I've started to talk about it that makes some people uncomfortable. I have noticed that there is an epidemic of effeminate boys in the homeschool movement right. An epidemic of effeminate boys whose fathers see their role as a homeschool dad as buying the curriculum every year, every year. Boys who are being discipled by their mothers, who would make somebody a great wife one day, but there's nothing masculine about them. That's just wrong. Boys need their fathers, Boys need men. Moms. Hear me on this, because sometimes what happened is dad recognizes the need for this boy to be turned into a man, and he sort of steps it up with intensity, and you respond by putting yourself between the boy and his father because you just don't want him to be that hard on him. Let him go, right, you let him go, because there's things about being a man that you just don't understand. He needs to be hard on him. And you sit there and Dad's telling him, suck it up, son, suck it up. Don't you cry? Do I believe there's wrong for man to cry. I've been crying all weekend. But there are times when you don't. And there are times when a father says to his son, suck it up, son, don't you cry, man up? Butcher up Sally, and Mom wants to rescue him and say, oh, he's just a boy, to which Dad responds, that's right, he's just a boy. But one day he'll be a man and he'll be the head of a household. And tries that he's going to strike and everybody's gonna look to him, and if he crumbles, his whole family's gonna crumble. And now's when he learns that. And from me is where he learns that. Let him learn it, Let him learn it. Let me harden the boy. Please let me do it, because we need men, and this is the way you make men. Had lost mother who got this yo. One of the blessings of my life was when I was a boy again. My mother's single teenage Buddhist mother. She doesn't know God. She's living her life raising a son all by herself. She got pregnant with me when she was seventeen years old. So here I am. I get old enough to find a little trouble and drug infested, gang infested south central LA. There's enough trouble to be found. My mother did not know what to do with me, and then she figured out something. So we got on a Greyhound bus for three days and went from Los Angeles, California, to Baufort, South Carolina, where I then spent the next year and a half with my uncle, who was retired drilling instructor in the Marine Corps. Allah and I got out of trouble quick fast and in a hurry. I lived with a man for the first time in my life, and it was magnificent. He pushed me, he taught me. When I say that, I tell that story, and people always have this picture, you know, of the d I with his hat on, yelling in my face. My uncle never raised his voice at me. He didn't have to. He was every bit the man. He's the kind of man when he walks into a room space where he organizes itself around him. He's that guy. And it was a magnificent thing. And there were moments where I just came to the end of myself and I just didn't want it. I didn't like it. Christmas time comes and you buy me this wonderful Christmas gift that I just loved because I came from the city. Now I'm out here in the country, I'm out here in this where we live in the double white trailer. We're out here in these woods and there's stuff to shoot, and you buy me this pellet rifle. Wasn't a pellet gun. It's a pellet rifle, a daisy pneumatic single pump BB splash pellet rifle. Okay, it was a rifle. It wasn't a gun. It was a rifle, all right, But that was okay. I figured out that there was a rifle. It wasn't a gun. That's cool. I get that. So I'm writing Christmas Day to go out and shoot my rifle. But I don't get my rifle. I get a list. Before you can have your rifle, you must learn to dis little symbol and reassemble your weapon, to clean, carry and control your weapon. Qualify in the backyard on the target range of my design from the firing positions. I ain't want that old gun anyway. I thought he was the meanest man in the world until I got my rifle, and nobody could shoot like me. My mama couldn't teach me that. My mother would get upset those days when I would come home and I would be so dirty that she'd have to hose me off in the backyard before I could come into the house. It made her so upset that I ruined so many clothes. But he was all right because she saw a boy becoming a man. But listen to me, folks, this was a lost woman and her lost brother, and they got that. And what I'm saying is there Christian people out there who are missing this point right. There are men out there in the making who need to be made men. There are women out there in the making who need to be made women. And hats off, hats off to this community, because when it comes to making women, we far exceed anything else that's out there. But I just have to say, on the men's side, in many instances, we're falling down. And the reason we're falling down is because of Dad's again, who think the extent of their responsibility is buying the curriculum and saying it's okay to homeschool another year, not because we're committed to it, but because it works for us for now and there is no vision. It is absolutely not easy, but it's what we're called to see. The discipline, catechism, and discipleship of our children is not just about outward obedience. We're after our children's hearts. We want our children's hearts. We want them to be pliable, we want them to be soft, we want them to be teachable. We want to communicate their need for Christ again and again and again. We want them to show them their sin and their need for a redeemer again and again and again. We want to show them justice and mercy again and again and again. And we want to instruct them. We want to fill them up with the Word of God and the great truths of the faith, and the eventually grab them by the hand and walk with them. I told you I don't share a lot of personal anecdotes. I share that one about my life with my uncle because that's really not about me, and that was just God's grace to me. It really was how God could use my lost mother, who was practicing Buddhism. By the way, yes, my mother is saved. Six months after me, she was converted. And my lost uncle is he there yet? No, he not, but he's still in Beauford. I know where he is, and so I share that with you. But I share this with you, and hopefully you'll understand why. And one of the reasons I don't share a lot of the personal anecdotes is because it's not about me and my story. It's about Christ and his story. But secondly, the last thing you want when you talk about family, there are a lot of people out there. You haven't seen it done. You don't know what to do. So what do you do? You find people out there who are talking about it and teaching it and try to do everything that they do well, that didn't work, that didn't work, well, I'll do what the Bacams do for their children. Only problem is we don't do the same thing for every child because every child's different. A man, there are some of our children. There are some of our children who can get this. There's others why bother You know what I'm talking about? You know, I mean there is there are Okay, So we just children differently. But I had to sell you this. Several years ago, Trey and I, my oldest son, Tray and I started traveling together and we're weary now because we just came back from the Middle East together. We've been traveling together for four years now, four years and I never forget one trip, in particular when we went to a church in a state that shall remain nameless. I'm really close to here, and here we are in this nameless state, really close to hear, and I'm doing this event and I finished this event, and I'm just I'm tired, I'm beat, I'm worn out, and I've talked to a number of people. And after we talked to a number of people, I'm outside and I'm in the parking lot. And while I'm outside in the parking lot, this one young man comes up to me. He is a youth pastor, and no, I'm sorry. He's a college minister, and he has several of his of the college students around with him. And I talked about some of these things, and he knows about some of the stuff that I've written and said about youth ministry, college ministry, so on and so forth. And so he's got a few questions for me while his little cronies stand around, and he's trying to show off because he's got, like, you know, a week's worth of theological training. And so here he is and he wants to ask me this questions, and he wants to ask me these questions. And while he's asking me these questions, he's asking me these questions. Now I'm standing over here facing him. He's facing he's not even facing me. I just I want you know, he's pontificating in front of his friends, try to show off in front of his friends. Well, my son is right here. I'm tired. But I stand there and he says, to the piece and I answer his question. I answer this question. He doesn't like my answer, doesn't know what to do with it, so he goes to another subject. He goes to another subject. I answer that question. It's getting worse for him, and his boys are starting to kind of look down, like, you know what, this ain't going well for you because you're wrong, and he keeps going, and eventually, after a while, it must have gone on for twenty twenty five minutes. Parking Lot's emptying out, and I said, you know what, I keep answering your questions and you keep going on to other things. You're really not interested in my answers, and I'm really tired. So he gets an attitude, so I said, listen, you have been completely and utterly disrespectful to me. I have tried to be patient and kind, but I'm done. And he looks at me and he says, how come you people always got to turn it into a respect issue, at which time his friends simultaneously take a step back. And I looked at him and I said, I hope when you say you people, you mean tall people. I gave him an out and he didn't take it, and he said, no, why is it that colored people always talk about it? I said, really colored people, like for real colored people. I said, you know what, I'm going to leave now. He wouldn't move and his friend. At this point, his friends are kind of going and say, man, come on, let's you know, let's you know, and he he keeps going at it, and finally, firmly, I look at him and I say, this conversation over. You're leaving now, and I'm leaving now, at which point his boys grab him and they take him off. The organizers of the event are out there, and he goes, look, I'm so sorry. I just I'm sorry. I can't blessid listen, that's okay, I'll see you all in the morning by whatever. My son was probably fourteen fifteen at the time. It's with me witnesses all this. We ride back to the hotel and there's just silence. We get back to the hotel room, and there's silence. We lay down in our beds and there's silence, and then Trery goes, Dad, yes, son, did that guy realize that you could crush him? I said, probably, son, Dad? Did you I want to crush it? Oh? Like you wouldn't believe? Son? Silence again, Dad, I'm proud of you. I remember thinking to myself, he can't get this from a book, right unless I became puffed up. The next day at the airport, he messed up our reservation and I was unkind. Now we're getting ready to go through security and this same boy doesn't he want to give me eye contact. And I said, come on, son, we'd go back to the desk. And I say, ma'am, I know you didn't mess up my reservation. I know you didn't do it on purpose. I know that wasn't your fault. And even if you had, I should never have spoken to you the way that I did. Would you please forgive me? She started to cry, And I remember thinking again, when I was up here, my boy couldn't have learned that from a book. Now I'm down here, my boy couldn't learned that from a book. At my best, at my worst, it's discipleship. It's walking together. Here's how you get it, right, son, But lest you think too much of that, More often than not, here's where you're gonna be. We are repentant to people, not just to become Christians, but as Christians. We are repentant to people. What's that about. It's about giving me your hand. Let's walk together, and let's what it looks like when you put feet to all this stuff that you've learned to believe. See if our only goal is that our kids are obedient so that they look good to the outside world, we don't get that. Why do we want obedient children? My son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. The obedience is that give me your heart part. But eventually we move to the let your eyes observe my ways. Do what I say, do what I say, and eventually, when you understand a little better, we'll walk together and you do what I do, and many days it'll be But not that, Hey, Maadon, why that's all discipleship. That's what we're doing as we raise this next generation. Unfortunately, for the most part, you talk about child training and discipline. Most people their vision is this, how do I get my little ones to obey. Is it important? Yes it is, but only in the context this. How do we live a life together with our children and raise disciples to the glory and honor of Christ. Is that a part of it, Yes it is, but please don't let it become the sum total because you miss the biggest part of the picture. Let's pray