The Heart of a Father

As you take your seats, please open your bibles to the Book of Proverbs Proverbs Proverbs chapter number three. Since it is Father's Day this evening, we will turn to the topic of fathers here in Proverbs chapter three. The entire Book of Proverbs really hearkens to the issue of the importance of fatherhood. The Book of Proverbs is, after all, a book that was written by a father two and four his son. It is the epitome of the role of father as disciple maker, the role of father as instructor. The purpose of the Book of Proverbs found there in chapter one, verses two through four. To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice and equity. To give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth. That's the thesis statement. That's the purpose. That's what it's all about. So Solomon is saying to his son, the future king, this is why I'm writing. This is what I want to form in you. The key to the book is found later in chapter one and verse seven. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Fools despise wisdom and instruction. It starts with the fear of the Lord. Essentially, the Book of Proverbs is in many ways the tale of Peers. It's the tale of two sons, the wise son and the fool, the wise son and the fool. If you want a key to understanding and unlocking the truth of the Book of Proverbs, it is this. Understand that at the end of the day, the wise son of Proverbs is not you, it's Christ. Let me say that again, at the end of the day, the wise son of Proverbs is not you, It's Christ. It's also the tale of two women, Lady Wisdom and Dame Folly, or the Harlot. Just like these two sons are two sides of a coin, so are these two women. Just as we are to desire to be like the wise son and flee from being the son of Folly, we are to desire lady Wisdom and to flee from the Harlot or Dame Folly. Dilid and Lungman write this and this light. The alternative between wisdom and folly is more than how to get along and advance in the world. It is a matter of life and death. Proverbs three eighteen, after all, tells us that those who embrace wisdom embrace life. Moreover, the horrible truth about Dame Folly is that she is a murderous She invites people in for fine dinner, but they never come out. Her guests are in the depths of the grave for keys. Here we look at the Book of Proverbs. I love Proverbs. When I'm teaching and instructing on family worship, I always instruct people to start with the Book of Proverbs. You know, there's thirty one chapters in the Book of Proverbs. Thirty one days and a month. You know, read a chapter each night as part of your Bible reading time. It's an amazing way to get started as a family. In our family worship time, we try to get back to and through the Book of Proverbs every couple of years. There's always other things that we do, but we try to come back and go through Proverbs again every couple of years. Using Proverbs to teach wisdom, though, can be tricky. There's four keys here to hold on to. One Wisdom is not law. Wisdom is not law. When you're reading the Book of Proverbs, it's important to recognize that the proverbs are wisdom, they are not law. So Essentially, when we're reading the Book of Proverbs, we're reading about the way things usually are. We're reading principles about the way the world is made and the way things usually are. Not guarantees. It's wisdom, it's not law. It's also important to understand the difference between indicatives and imperatives. Indicatives tell you what something is. Imperatives tell you something to do. So the classic example of this is the proverb that talks about the one who runs when no one is chasing him, but the righteous are bold is a lion. Well, that's not an imperative, right, It's not an imperative that says, don't be this one, be that one? An that tells the difference between this one and that one. And the difference between this one and that one is not that that one tries hard enough to be the wise son of Proverbs. But the difference between this one and that one is that Christ has been formed in one of these and not the other. Thirdly, Christ is the repository of all wisdom. Christ is the repository of all wisdom. This is important to remember when reading the Book of Proverbs. There are a number of people who've taken the Book of Proverbs, and some have done very well taking the Book of Proverbs and for example writing business books. I'm thinking of one in particular right who wrote a number of business books using the principles of the Book of Proverbs, as though the Book of Proverbs just exists as a book of principles, this magic key that will you unlock everything in life if you just grab on to this book of principles. The Book of Proverbs was never meant to be understood in that way. Christ is the repository of all wisdom. The other thing to remember is that the New Testament interprets the Old. Keep these things in mind always. If we keep these in mind, and we don't teach wisdom as law. If we keep these in mind and recognize that Christ is the repository of all wisdom. If we keep these in mind and recognize that, for example, the New Testament interprets the Old, and don't get sort of bogged down in all of this. We keep this in mind and remember the difference between indicatives and imperatives, then will do well, and the Book of Proverbs will serve us well. In mind, Let's look at this passage of scripture here in Proverbs chapter three, and examine the heart of a father. Now, when I say Proverbs chapter three, we often think about verse five, trust in the Lord with all your heart, to not lean on your own understanding. But that happens in a context here, in a broader context in chapter three, where the father is sort of coming to a crescendo in his introduction, laying down some very important principles. And these these principles are indeed important. Verse one, My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments for length of days and years of life and peace. They will add to you. The first glimpse into the heart of a father is that the father desires to instruct his children, to inform his children, to instruct them. My son, do not forget my teaching. Let your heart keep my commandments for length of days, years of life and peace. They will add to you. It's not referring here to the decalogue. This teaching and these commandments are the precepts that a father passes down to a son. These precepts are essential, and there are a few things that carry the kind of weight that the precepts of a father carry. Fathers are important. In fact, we know this. We have sociological research all around the world on this. People who grow up with fathers in their home are do better on all sort of social and psychological measure. They do better in school and are more likely to finish school. They are less likely to engage in violent and reckless behavior. They are less likely to struggle with mental illness problems. They are less likely to commit suicide, they are less likely to be sexually promiscuous. And the list goes on and on and on of the benefits of the presence of fathers in the home. But you wouldn't know this. You wouldn't know this if you listen to the world out there today. If you listen to the world out there today, there is a villain. There is an evil villain out there, and their evil villain out there is an ideology, and it is the ideology of the patriarchy. Have you heard about this wickedness? Not patriarchy, the patriarchy. The UN, for example, is spreading this nonsense throughout the globe with its international global war on patriarchy. Now, patriarchy historically has been understood quite simply as the idea of male headed households. Patriarchy has been understood in other ways as the idea of descendants being traced through the male line, the son of this, son of that surnames, for example, and patriarchal cultures are taken from fathers. Not so in our day. If you listen to the international community today, and if there's any influence from the United Nations in your life today, then patriarchy is not defined in that way. Patriarchy is inherently evil and wicked and destructive toward women and toward fanis families, and is something to be avoided at all costs. This is incredibly wicked, especially when you understand what fathers bring, what God intends for fathers to bring, When you understand the important role that fathers are intended to play, it's pernicious. It's wicked. When we ought to be calling on men to step up, stand up, take their roles, and lead rightly and righteously, we are instead calling masculinity toxic and patriarchy wicked. What do you end up with when you make a villain of masculinity and a villain of patriarchy. You end up in a situation where fathers are not doing the very thing that they are designed and called to do, primarily to teach, instruct they're not then saying, my son, do not forsake my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments for length of days and years of life and peace. They will add to you. This is basic instruction that fathers give to their children, basic information that helps them get through life. Basic information like when you're outside, you can touch that, but don't touch that. You can eat this, but don't eat that. Here's how you cross the street, Can I tell you that? That's one that has become more and more meaningful to me in recent years. Living here now, I mean, for a number of reasons, has become more important to me, like crossing the street where I up, you crossed there or is crosswalks and pedestrians had the right of way, and even then we had to learn how to walk across the street. Here, we don't have crosswalks here. The right of way does not belong to pedestrians. I have learned the pecking order, though at the bottom of the pecking order is the pedestrian. Watch yourself get out of the way. After that come motorbikes. Motorbikes are more important than you they have the right of way over you pay attention to them. Above them come cars, Above them, come trucks. Above them come big trucks. But at the top of the pecking order, the ones that everybody needs to watch out for and get out of the way of are minibus drivers, amen, somebody. They stop for no one. And so crossing the street has been very interesting not only because of that, but it's also important because when I was a child, I remember learning look left, right and left again, drilled into you look left, right, left again. The reason we do this because the way that cars come where I come from here, they come from the opposite direction, because you people drive on the wrong side of the road. There has been many of instance, many an instance when I have almost stepped out in front of a vehicle because I was looking for it to come the wrong way. But you'll be pleased to know I am now well adapted and look the proper way when I'm crossing the roads here in Lusaka, which is wonderful, except three or four times a year I go back to the US and now I'm looking the wrong way there. But these are the kind of instructions that we give children things that they need to know in order to get through life. And it's amazing how many of those things that we remember are things that our fathers have taught us. I didn't grow up with my father. Those of you who know me, you know my story. You know I was raised by a single mother. By the way, just took my mom back. My mom was here, spent two months with us. She had never been before. It was an amazing time. Took her back on the most recent trip and she had the absolute time of her life. It's amazing. Though I didn't grow up with my father, I knew my father and did have opportunity to spend time with my father. And there are so many things that just come back to my memory that my father taught me because there's just something about instruction that we receive from a father amens us different. It's just different. There are things that our mother can tell us over and over and over again, but when a father, I don't know what it is. It's the father's voice, it's the father's size, it's the father's presence, it's all of these things. But it's also a divine order. God designed it this way, and the father, with a true father's heart is going to understand this and not take it for granted, and recognize the duty and responsibility and privilege of instructing his children, giving his children the things that they need in order to make it through this life, to have length of days and years, years of life and peace. Not only instruction, But look at the next one. Look at verse three. Let not steadfast, love and faithfulness forsake you bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, so you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. This is not just instruction. This is transformation. This is not just basic information. This is not just here's how you do this, here's how you avoid that. This is transformation. Look at the difference in the terminology. This first one is my teaching, my commandments. These are just edicts. To remember these things. Hold onto these things. They give you years of life, they'll give you peace. But here he says, let not stay fast, loved and faithfulness forsake you bind them around your neck so you're wearing them like an emblem around your neck, and write them on the tablet of your heart. This means that it's internalized on the tablet of your heart. At the center and core of your being. This is now going beyond what you know to who you are. This is transformation and maturity, so you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and men. The father's duty and responsibility to bring his children to maturity, not just to get them through life, not just to give them information and instruction to get them through life, but to bring them to maturity, to bring his children to a place where they say, when I was a child, I thought as a child. I spoke as a child, I reasoned as a child. But when I became a man, when I became a woman, when I was grown, I put away childish things. A transformation took place, and I am an adult. Now I have internalized what I've been taught. I'm now a disciple, I'm now a man, I'm now a woman. This is our goal again, not just to get the physical maturity. Notice again, these statements. Let not stepfast love and faithfulness forsake you. I want you to be marked by stepfast love. I want you to be marked by faithfulness. I want you to be a man or woman who's known for steadfast love, who's known for faithfulness, who knows these things, who lives these things. Why, because it's like you've put them on like a necklace. It's like you've written them on your heart. It's no longer what you know, but now it's who you are. This is the heart of a father. This is the desire of a true father to seize children walking in maturity, faithfulness, uprightness. And this is what the Book of Proverbs is all about. Thirty one chapters. Thirty one chapters. Unfortunately, when it comes to most men, what we intentionally teach our children couldn't fill thirty one pages, couldn't fill thirty one paragraphs. In many instances, it couldn't feel thirty one sentences because we're just not intentional about instructing, mentoring, and discipling our children. So much of it we leave to others. We bring them to the church and drop them off. We bring them to the school and drop them off. We take them to clubs and other things and drop them off, drop them off, drop them off, drop them off. My duty as a father is to make enough money to be able to afford to send my children to the people who will teach them what they need to know. It's not what the scripture teaches my duty as a father is to teach my children what they need to know. Can I teach my children everything? No, because I don't know everything. I'm not saying that we don't have partners in this process, but there's a difference between having partners in this process and farming out the process completely. Look at Ephesians chapter six. Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother. This is the first commandment, with a promise that it may go well with you, and you may live long in the land. There is that long life again verse four. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Fathers, bring your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It's a little aside here. I've often, unfortunately had the difficult conversation with young women who were pursuing relationships with young men who are not believers, and the Bible is very clear on this. Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. It's not even ambiguous. It's just there's no ambiguity about it. And so I'm always going to go to that text. But I also go to Ephesians five and Ephesian six and ask a couple of questions. Do you understand that God intends for you to have a man as your husband who will wash you with the water of the Word, who will be your spiritual head, your spiritual leader, And then in chapter six, not only that, he will be the instructor of your children, their spiritual leader, their spiritual instructor. If you, as a Christian woman, are pursuing a relationship with a man who is not a Christian, you are telling me that it matters not that you have that kind of spiritual leadership in your life, and it matters not that your children had that kind of spiritual leadership in their life. I'm wondering, if you even know God at all, how could you? How could you? What could any man have going for him that would be more important in your mind that the spiritual instruction, development discipleship of your future children. And if you don't think it's important, just hang around church for a little while, hang around women in church for a little while, hang around married women in church for a little while, hang around honest married women in church for a little while, and eventually you will see a pattern that honest. Married women in the church often have a similar prayer request that my husband would be the spiritual leader in our home. Thank you, ladies for not screaming amen on that. It is a common refrain because when children come into your home, you recognize how utterly important this is that the man who stands before them as their father, stands before them as a priest and a prophet in the home, stands before them giving them not only basic instruction, but also giving them spiritual instruction that will lead them towards spiritual maturity, so that they might indeed be transformed. But what's the foundation of all of this. We want them to be informed, we want them to be transformed, but ultimately we want them to be redeemed. Now we get the Firse five again. This is a father's instruction. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding in all your ways. Acknowledge Him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord. Turn away from evil. That's repentance. That's repentance and faith. Fear the Lord, turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment. To your bones, folks, This is the gospel in the Old Testament. This is the gospel in the Old Testament. What do we ultimately want for our children? We ultimately want our children to trust the Lord with all their hearts. We ultimately want our children to not lean on their own understanding. We ultimately want our children to acknowledge God in all their ways. In other words, to submit the entirety of their lives to the God of the universe. Not just occasionally call on God when the wheels fall off, but to submit their entire lives. You know, my family and I have a practice and when we are at a restaurant, not all the time we try to remember this, but when we're about to eat our food, we'll say to our server something to the effect of, hey, we're about to pray for our food. Is there any way that we can pray for you? And we've had a variety of different responses to that. One that really stands out is when we said that there was a young lady who just just she wasn't doing particularly well in her job and serving tables and she was obviously distracted or whatever, said, Hey, we're about to pray for our food. Is there any way we can pray for you? She sat down and proceeded to just unburden herself. Yes, yes, you can, please, dumb, dumb, dumbed. Now, it usually doesn't happen like that. Do you know what usually happens? Hey, we're about to pray for our food. Is there any way we can pray for you? The answer nine times out of ten is oh, everything's okay. In other words, I don't need prayer because everything's okay. We need prayer when things are not okay. We need to acknowledge Him when the wheels fall off. We need to acknowledge Him. When things are bad. We need to turn then from our self reliance and call on God. That's not what we that's not what we want. That's not what we want. We want to raise children who trust in the Lord with all their heart, who do not lean on their own understanding, who desperately seek after the mind of God in all things, who acknowledge God in all things, who acknowledge God in everything, so, who make their paths straight? And how do they get there? Again? Seven and eight? Don't miss this. Don't be wise in your own eyes. The father's heart is that his children will not think too highly of themselves. Don't be wise in your own eyes. You don't know as much as you think you know, and whatever it is, it's not enough. Don't be wise in your own eyes. You are not in control. Fear the Lord. Turn away from evil. That's faith and repentance. That's faith and repentance. That's the call of the Gospel. The Gospel is the good news of the person and work of Christ on our behalf. The Gospel is the good news of Christ taking our sin upon himself, dying on the tree on our behalf, taking the penalty that was due to us because of our sin, satisfying the righteous wrath of a holy and righteous God, and imputing to us his righteousness because he lived and absolutely perfect, sinless righteous life that we could not live. So he imputes his righteousness to us, our sinfulness is imputed to him. And in this double imputation, as Paul says in Romans five or in Romans three, that God can be both just because he punishes sin and the justifier of the one who places faith in Jesus. And so we turn from our sin and we turn to our God, believing in the person and work of Christ. On our behalf. That's the Gospel and the Old Testament. People fear the Lord and turn away from evil, and then here's the good news. This is what we want. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. This is the heart of a father. This is why it's so wicked and pernicious to be at war with masculinity and to be at war with patriarchy. When you recognize that God thinks so highly of the role and office of father that he shares with it his name. God is Father. God is Father. That's how important father it is. And we're at war with it. Not only is the war from without, but there's also a war from within as men attempt to take the easy road and just think, hey, if I bring in the money so that there's food on the table, so that there's school fees, I'm done, sir. God bless you for bringing in money for school fees. God bless you for putting food on the table. But that is not enough. You have a duty to upholl, a responsibility to fulfill, to instruct your children so that they might be transformed and come to maturity, and ultimately, by God's that they might hear the gospel and that they might respond to it in repentance and faith. If my children have school fees and food on the table but don't get from me the good news of the person and work of Jesus Christ, I failed. I've absolutely failed. If the only thing that they can remember at the end of the day is some instructions that I gave them about how to do this and how to do that, and how not to do this, and how not to do that, they have not gotten from me the essence of the gospel. I've missed. I missed it, and I will just have well educated, well fed children who are hell bound. No, that's not the heart of a father. This, this is the heart of a father, and it's overwhelming. It is absolutely overwhelming. I am not qualified for this job, amen, somebody, I'm not. I chuckle. You know when when young couples are, you know, talking about having children, and you know, we just want to make sure you know to wait until ready, you'll never have kids. You'll never have kids because you'll never be ready. You'll wait until you're ready, and then here's what will happen. You'll say, okay, fine, we're ready, and then you'll get pregnant, the baby will come, you'll start parenting, and you will eventually, you know, after about three four hours, you will eventually say, we were not ready for this, so you might as well just go ahead and do it now. Amen, You're not ready for it. Which is why the heart of a father is a heart that is utterly dependent upon God always. That's the only way to get there from here upon God, modeling utter dependency upon God, pointing our children again and again to utter dependency upon God, Reminding our children that we are who we are because we've come to God in repentance and faith, because we've been transformed, because we've been redeemed by the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ, and that because of it, our greatest goal and desire and highest calling is to point them in that very same direction. May it be so of us by God's grace for his glory. Let's pray, our gracious God. We thank you when we praise you for the privilege of calling you our father, and for those of us who are fathers, for the privilege of being able to carry that title. It is beyond humbling, it is literally overwhelming grant by your grace that we might be found faithful, That we might be found faithful to the end, that we seek to instruct and transform our children and call them to redemption in Christ. For ultimately they are not ours. They belong to You. Grant that we might raise them and teach them, and train them and instruct them, as though we believe that to be true. Grant this we pray for Christ's sake and in his name. Amen.