RefMT2014 Voddie Baucham, 3

This audio is provided from the twenty fourteen REPMONT Conference in Billings, Montana, on June nineteenth through the twenty first. For more information about our conference, those to www. Reformationmontana dot or. Oh, if you'll show me once again in Ephesians chapter five, if you remember, we put this in its context already because we're we're looking at Ephesion six one through four and realized that that was part of a broader context that began all the way back in five twenty two. For the household codes. We saw that you had to come back to five point fifteen in order to see what it was that Paul was saying there. And then we saw three contrasts. Don't be unwise, will be wise, don't be foolish, but understand what the world of the Lord is. Don't be drunk with wine, but be filled with the spirit. On the third contrast, there were three commands. One is that we would be worshipful, the second one that were prayerfully thankful, and the third one that we're submissive to the authority that God places in our lives. These are expressions of that life, that spirit filled life. And then on that third command, we got three contexts wherein we live out this command. The first is the husband wife relationship, the second parents shall relationship, and the third the slave master relationship or the employer employee relationship. So as we look here at verse twenty two, we will see a couple of things. Notice the pattern. The pattern in all of these is that there is the person who is called to exercise submission and or obedience, and there is God's word to that individual to submit, and then after that there is the instruction to the individual who is the recipient of the submission or obedience. And that pattern is no different here in the husband and wife relationship. In twenty two to twenty four, there is the instruction to the wife to submit to the husband, and then in twenty five to the end of the chapter, there is the instruction to the husband in his role of his duty in exercising his headship. So beyond recognizing that particular pattern, we also need to recognize that in each of these instances, the submission that is called for is called for not on the basis of the worthiness of the one to whom the submission is given in human terms, but the worthiness of the one who is the ultimate recipient of that submission in obedience to us Christ himself. And that's no different here beginning of verse twenty two, Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself as savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. And so as we look at this, one of the things that we you know, again, we're talking about reformation and we're talking about family, and this is one of those areas where these two things go hand in hand. We need to understand family from a biblical perspective, but we also need reformation in this area. There has been an influx in our culture, an influx of feminism, and we are completely and utterly unaware of the influx of feminism. Most of us are feminists and we don't even know it. And because of that influx of feminism, we are offended by biblical concepts like these, like this idea of a wife's submission to her husband. This offends us in a number of ways. The interesting thing about it is the ways that it offends us have nothing to do with the text and the way that the text is written, it just offends us because we believe there's something inherently wrong with the idea of a wife being called to submit to her husband. And so one of the ways that we, you know, sort of express that offense is, well, you know, you'll hear something like, you know, this is about the subjugation of women. I want you to notice something in that first phrase, why submit to your own husbands? It doesn't say women submit to men. It's just wives submit to your own husbands. So if you're not married, this is not a reference to you. And if you're not married to another man that's looking for submission from you, then this is not a reference to you. Why submit to your own husbands? I had a young man Alpha tellt the story of a young man who came to me and talked to me about some difficulty that he was having. And he's in a relationship with a young woman and he's just said, I just, you know, I'm just we're struggling, you know, my girlfriend, and yeah, I'm just having a hard time submitting to me. And I stopped and I said, we'll stop right there. Why would your girlfriend submit to you? Well, you know, because because you know, she's my girlfriend, so she, you know, submit to me. The text says wives submit to your own husbands. You are not her husband. It will be completely wrong for her to submit to you. Whoa, whoa. I'm well yeah, well but and he just he couldn't. He didn't know what to do. And then finally he goes, well, well, do not have to know if she's submissive? And how am I gonna know that she's submissive? Is she's not submitting to me? So that's quite interesting. The way you know that she's submissive is that she submits to the authority that currently exists in her life. So how is she doing with submission to her father? Oh? Well, I mean that's you know. And he starts talking about how that's a complicated relationship. It's really explain it to me. Well, you know, her father there's really not you know, a godly man, and her father's you know this, and her father's that. And he starts running down all these things about her father and how the relationship with her father is strained and so she's not submissive to her father because of all these things. And I said, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, let me see if I understand this. So she doesn't submit to her father because she doesn't think her father is worthy of her submission. The Bible never called her submit to her father because of his worthiness, but because he's her father. And you think that she can be unsubmissive to the man who gave her life. But somehow you're cute enough or fine enough, or whatever enough for her to submit to you because you put a ring on her finger. You crazy. That's not how it works. If she's not submitting to her father because her father is flawed, that's what she's gonna learn after a few days of being married to you that you are flawed. Amen, somebody. So if a man being flawed is reason enough for her not to submit, she will not be submissive to you. So if you want to know if she's submissive, check those areas in her life where she's called to submit. And if you want to get to the heart of her submission, then here's what you do. That same woman who's not submissive to her father. Can I ask you another question? I just want to ask I like to ask some questions. Sometimes I ask him, but I prefer to ask them. Let me ask you a question. So she's not submissive to her father. Right now, does she have a job, Well, yes, actually she does, And so explain to me. You know the job that she had. And I said, let me ask you another question. Is she submissive to her supervisors at work? Oh? Yeah? Interesting? Are her supervisors at work more godly and more worthy than her father? Well, no, they're not godly because they're not even Christian and they're not more Okay, now you have a double problem. Problem number one, she's not submissive to the authority that God has placed in her life in terms of her father. But problem number two. At work, she is submissive. She claims not to be submissive to her father because he's not worthy of submission, father, mother, whomever, because her parents are not worthy of submission. But at work, those people are also not worthy of submission. But she is the picture and epito mean of submission to authority at work but not at home. Why this tells you that her submission is motivated by something other than the claims of Christ. This is a problem that's idolatry. If the Lord demands something of you and you will not give it in a circumstance where you don't feel like it but if somebody will attach a check to it, you'll gladly render it. That's idolatry. Are you smelling on stepping in? That's idolatry. I won't submit to my father. I want to submit to my mother. Why, well, because my mother and father they're flawed people, and they're not worthy of my submission. And you go to work, but you'll submit to your boss. Your boss is flawed and not worthy of your submission. Yeah, but my boss gives me a check, which means that your submission is not tied to obedience to Christ. Your submission is tied to your desire to have a check. That is idolatry, pure and simple. It's idolatry. The same person who gets a pit in their stomach when they think about submitting to their husband, or when they think about submitting to their mother or to their father, that same person will go to a job where there's a check attached and they're all smiles and all what can I do for you at all? Yes, sir, no, sir, yes, ma'am no, ma'am, so on and so forth. That hypocrisy, that's idolatry. That's sin, pure and simple. But it also exposes feminism for the lie that it is right. Whys submit to your own husbands? This is not about all men and all women. Next, as to the Lord, remember what we said earlier, This submission is offered to the Lord through the human agency, in this case the husband. So there is a submission to God that is being offered through the act of submitting to the husband. Why for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself It's savior. There's a picture involved here. It's a picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and his bride, the church. There's a drama being played out here. It is the drama of the redemption of God's people and of the communion that Christ has with his redeemed people. So that now, now this submission is actually a picture of a gospel relationship and it has gospel significance. So again, not only are we not talking about you know that all men and all women, and not only are we talking about submitting to the Lord through the submission to the husband, but we're also talking about the Gospel. So this is incredibly significant now as the church submission to Christ. So Also, wives should submit in everything to their husbands. This phrase in everything to their husbands. We know that it doesn't mean things that would be forbidden that you know, no one can command with God forbid or forbid what God commands. What this means is that it's not conditioned. It's not based upon the individual being worthy, because the dividual is not worthy. It's because of their position. There's a saying in the military we talk to another gentleman about this earlier. You don't salute the man, you salute the office. This is not about your respect for the man. It's about your respect for the office. It's about your respect for God and believing that if an individual does not need to be in their particular office, God's big enough to get him out of it or make him worthy of it. Amen. God can do that. God can take care of that. Interestingly enough, if we're not doing this, it's because we're lacking faith. We do not believe that God will take care of us if we submit to the authority that God has placed over us. So, in an effort to protect ourselves, we withhold submission, which means that rather than trust God, I will trust me, which again is idolatry. If you're having a submission problem, you're actually manifesting a worship disorder. This is also not about value, it's about order. It's not about value, it's about order. God does not say you submit to your husband because husbands are more valuable than wives. That's not true, and it's not what's said here. This is simply about order, Folks. Anything with two heads as a monster, either kill it or if you can capture it, put it in a cage and make people pay to come see it. But it's not a healthy thing. Amen. So if there's going to be order within the marriage relationship, then that order is going to have to be carried out through the exercise of submission and the exercise of authority. Then the question comes, But wait a minute. I see this, and I get this, and I get this question a lot, I mean a lot. What about I mean my husband, my husband's not even a Christian, or my husband's not a godly man, or my husband is this he's wrong on that, he's wrong on the other my husband has this issue, my husband has this problem. And people, I mean, I can't tell you how often I get that question, and I sit there every time I get that question, and I just think to myself, Oh, God, why didn't you somewhere in the Bible put some verse that says, likewise, wives be submission to your own husband, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of the word. If you would have just put something like that in the Bible, no woman would ever have to come to me and ask me, what if my husband Wait a minute, that's in there. That's one Peter three. So that even if they are disobedient to the word of God, Hey, I don't write the mail, I just deliver it. That's what the Bible teaches. But riddle me this, why is it? Because I've never had this happen. I've never had a woman come up to me and say, yes, but my husband is you know, he struggles, or yes, but my husband he's not a Christian. Yes, my husband. And again, we're not talking about a husband who's commanding what God forbids, or forbids what God commands. We're talking about a husband who's unwise or ungodly. Never, this has never been the case. I've never had a woman come up to me and say my husband is just my husband's unwise, my husband's godly, and I quote to them one Peter three one through six. This has never happened. I've never had them say, wow, I didn't know that was in the Bible, which means they already know the answer to their question. They're just hoping I'll give them an excuse to sin. There's just somebody, just somebody tell me something other than what I find in the text, because this is just offensive to me. And it's offensive because we think more of ourselves than we do of the Gospel. It's offensive because we believe the feminists more than we believe God. It's offensive because we look at marriage through the lens of our own wants and our own desires and protecting our own station and stance, as opposed to looking at marriage as what it is, this beautiful picture of the gospel, relationship between Christ and his church. Is this easy? Absolutely not? Is it possible? Absolutely yes, It's not only possible, but it has characterized godly Christian women down throughout the ages. It's possible, It's doable, and God's bigger than whatever it is that you're afraid of. There's no way around this. If you want one, I can't help you. There's just no way around this. And no matter who you are, God has called you to submit to the authority of a man who's not worthy of your submission because of your faith in and worship of the God Man who is absolutely worthy of your submission. What does this not mean? You give you an example. So I'm working with this couple. I was counseling this couple, and this couple was just I mean, they were at their wits end. And the problem was that this man was very bad with money, and they had all kinds of money problems. He was just bad with money. And so I'm working through some of this stuff and I'm just collecting information. And as I'm collecting information, I just discover that the wife, this is his true story, has a degree in accounting and finance, business finance and accounting. So I just put the brakes on. I said, time out, pause, pause it for a minute, ma'am, you have a degree in business finance and accounting. Yes, your husband is horrible with money. Yes, those lives are like upside down, inside out, messed up. Right now, marriage on the brink because of how horrible he is with money. He was like, do you have to say it like that, like, yeah, dude, you're horrible with money. She goes yeah, And I just said, how come you don't do money stuff? And she goes, well, because he's the head, and well, well he's in charge, and well we just always thought and I said, stop right there. You have a degree in business finance and accounting. Can I ask you a question. In the business world, if you work for a company and you're in charge of accounting and finance, do you have to be the CEO? And she goes, oh, no, the CEO is always a different person than the person who takes care of the finance and accounting. Oh okay, I was just check it. So why is it that you believe a man in the business world can be the head of a company and in charge of a company and yet have somebody else with better skills in finance who's in charge of the money and still be the head of the company and still be in charge of the company. But in your marriage, you don't think that's possible. They looked at each other and their jaws just dropped. Open because they did not understand this concept of submission. See, here's the problem. What feminism has done to our culture is not just take away our biblical understanding of these ideas and these concepts, but the result of feminism has been that when people come away from it, they often overcorrect in the other direction and do things like that that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Being the leader doesn't mean that you have to do everything yourself. Being submissive does it mean that you get no input. I mean, there's some women I believe they would let their husband drive off the road and kill the whole family just so they could stand up before God and say I was submissive and I didn't scream for him to turn the wheel. This is how ridiculous we've gotten, folks. Being submissive to authority does not mean that we're no longer equal partners in a marriage. Amen. Adam looks at even he says, this is at last bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Eshah because she was taken out of Eah. That was a statement of her equality with him, men and women, completely and totally and utterly equal before God Almighty. So the submission of a wife is not about her losing her identity or her input. It is about her acknowledging as they walk through life together that he has headship and authority in this thing called a marriage, but she is a full fledged partner in the process. There is nothing godly about watching your husband drive off the cliff and you're not stopping to say, hey, beg let's correct that thing a little bit. Do you do you do you hear me? We are in a real relationship. Sometimes what they mean look like he is the person who's you know over here is going listen, this is what I think we ought to do. But I know, I know that you're responsible, and I'm gonna come with you and no matter what, we're gonna pursue it with everything that we got that make it work. Well, here's my two cents, because I want you to have everything that you can in order to make the best decision for our family. See, feminism doesn't just mess us up in saying the wrong thing, but it messes us up in that after we've been feminized by the culture, oftentimes all we know how to do is just run in the opposite direction. And this is not about running in the opposite direction. This is about the scriptures. Let's look at the other half of this equation Verse twenty five. Husbands love your wives. And as I've said frequently, we could just stop right there. You can just end it right there. Husbands love your wives. There it is boom. There's an imperative you can't get around. Husbands love your wives. No choice in about I love it. You know what's awesome about this? He does not say that we have to feel like loving our wives. Just love her, Yeah, but I don't feel like it. That good thing. You didn't tell you had to do that. Just love her, Just love her, And the next time you go, just I just don't feel like it. Cool, that's fine. You don't feel like loving your wife, love her because you know, love your neighbor as yourself. Right, that's what he said. Your wife's your closest neighbor. You don't feel like loving your wife. Love your closest neighbor. Right. She's a Christian. Right by this, all men will know that you're my disciples, that you have loved one for another. You don't feel like loving your wife, love a fellow Christian. Amen, love a fellow Christian. Love your closest neighbor. Things get really bad, Jesus said, love your enemies, right, use whatever you need to, but just love her. Okay, maybe he doesn't just leave us there. Love your wives. Husband loves your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. Just like the submission of the wife is actually submission that's offered to Christ through the husband. The husband's love of the wife is in the same token a love for her that is born of and mirrors the love that Christ has for his bride the Church. We do this because we love Christ. So here's the first thing that we need to know. My wife is a member of the body of Christ. Okay, think of it this way, man, say to yourself, my wife is a member of the body of Christ. And Christ has put me in a position in the life of one of his children with a view toward me having a sanctifying influence in her life, so that she's more like Christ as a result of having been married to me than she would have been had she not. That's what it means for a man to love his wife, to love her not just like Christ, but to love her to Christ because of my love for Christ. This is gospel centered love. This is not love designed to get something from me. This is love designed to give something to My Savior gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her. I member what I said about sanctifying influence, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself and splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. This is my desire. This is a husband's desire in loving his wife that she might be more like Christ. Which means that my love for my wife has to be more than just empty sentimentality. My love for my wife has to be wrapped up in my discipleship of my wife. My love for my wife has to be wrapped up in my desire for her to be conformed to the image of Christ. My love for my wife has to be a picture of my desire to love Christ through my love for my wife. Man, this is not just about me getting what I want. I had to want to ask me a question early on in my marriage, and it just bugged me. I didn't like him, just messed me up. He said, young man, let me ask you something. Well, maybe he said, let me ask you something. When are you more like Christ when your wife is doing and being everything that you desire for her to do and be, or when she's none of those things and you love her anyway, I was ruined. I was ruined because the answer is, I am most like Christ when I'm loving my wife in spite of the fact that she is not doing or being what I desire her to do and be for me. And how many times do guy say I'm leaving why because she's not doing and being what I desire for her to do and be. The answer to that is not to leave. The answer to that is to love. She disappoints me, You disappoint Jesus, and he died for you. She sins against me, You sin against Jesus, and he died for you. She mistreats me, You mistreat Jesus, and he's sanctifying you. How dare you? How dare you walk away from her? Because it's hard? Remember the cross? Remember the cross. You have not loved your wife to that degree, So don't stop now. Remember the goal and the desire is that she would be more like Christ as a result of having been married to me, that she would have been had she not. And how many times is the opposite of that truth? How many times is a woman being dragged down spiritually by her husband instead of being built up spiritually by her husband. How many times does a woman's prayer you ask? Listen, any man who's been in pastoral ministry more than fifteen minutes knows the number one prayer or Christian woman in the church that my husband would be the spiritual leader in our home. That's the number one prayer of Christian women in the church. We're not seeing this, We're not seeing this. This is an imperative that is tied and rooted to the indicative of what Christ has accomplished on our behalf through the Cross. The wait is more verse twenty eight. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. Who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nurses and cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body. So again, your love for your wife is to have this sanctifying influence. She's a member of the body of Christ. You're loving her as a member of the body of Christ with a view toward and a desire for her to be conformed to the image of Christ. By the way Christ is your all in all. Amen, He's your savior, He's your all in all. You desire more than anything else to be like Christ and to be with Christ more than anything in the world. So now, all of a sudden, there's something that's happening. So here here's how a picture it in my mind. You're offering your wife to Christ, and your desire is that she would be a fragrant aroma. Your desire is that as you offer her, this member of his body to him, the result of your love for her as a husband would be a pleasing aroma to Christ because she's being conformed to his image by your love. Again, nothing you're the one who's sanctifying her, but that your love is having a sanctifying influence on her. And when you do this, the response comes, and the response is, enjoy, Lord, I'm offering her to you. Thank you. Enjoy Because through this mystery called marriage, she's not just a member of Christ's body, She's also a member of your body. And there is the mystery of this one flesh union. I keep it in my mind this way way. She's not just mine, she's me. She's not just mine, she's me. I remind myself of that when I when I when I feel myself getting into an argument with my wife. As a man, you get into an argument, and what do you want to do is you want to win? You want to defeat your foe. Listen, for me to defeat my wife would be like my right arm defeating my left. She's not just mine, she's me. Why would I want to humiliate her? She's not just mine, she's me. Why would I want to mistreat her? She's not just mine, she's me. We're one. You love your wife and it has this sanctifying influence on her, And in a Christian marriage, there is this influence that God uses to conform each of us to his image. And you're offering this fragrant aroma to Christ. My desire is to love my wife in such a way that she's more like you. Christ is your all in all, Christ means everything to you. Right, watch this. If my love for my wife is a tool that God uses to conform her to the image of Christ, to make her more like Christ than she would have been had she not been married to me, than to the degree that she becomes more like Jesus, she becomes more like the thing that I love more than anything else in the world, which means that that increases my capacity and desire to love her all that much more. That's just good. Amen. It's different in its different than what we hear it, stiffer than what we see on TV, st different than what we read in most Christian book because most of what you read it's some warmed over psychology, you know, not some biblical gospel centered Christ's exalting picture of the marriage relationship. But that's what this is. This is bigger than you, This is bigger than me. Verse twenty nine, at first thirty one, I'm sorry. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two should become one flesh. Here's an amazing thing. Here's what our culture says. Our culture says. Therefore, a man should become one flesh with a woman, and if that works out, maybe decide to leave. In cleave. I used to make a reference to a particular movie, but I can't do that anymore because I've seen this so many times it's not even shocking anymore. But I remember, I remember the first time I saw it, the first time I realized it, and it just shocked me when I saw it, and it's not even shocking anymore because it's the norm. But I'm watching this movie and again, I'm a movie guy. I'm a movie bof I like older movies. In older movies used to be interesting. In older movies, you know, the old black and white movies, there are two people who meet each other and you know, maybe they start off and they don't really like each other, and they air and odds with each other, and something happens it forces them together and the next thing, you know that I only get in along, but there's this you know, something between them, and then what happens. They get married. Right, that's how movies used to end. People get married. But something has changed and there's this interesting phenomenon again. The first time I saw it, there was this couple and they had a relationship and they had started having a sexual relationship. They were sleeping together, they had moved in together. But there was a moment in the movie when a man said to the woman, I love you, and then they kind of looked at each other like did that just happen? She picks up the phone. She calls her girlfriends, she calls her she called it. Why they said it. They've been having sex for months, they're living together, and she thinks they have crossed this milestone because he mouthed the words I love you. It's absolutely ridiculous and completely and utterly backwards. We don't know what love is. And so you violate a woman, you degrade a woman, you take her as you're concubine, and then she's supposed to be flattered because you say you love her. God help us. The biblical picture is you leave in cleave and then you become one flesh. And the becoming one flesh is a byproduct of believing in cleeping. You commit, you coven it first, and then you won flesh after you covenant. Why why is this significant? Because it is the marriage covenant that makes you one flesh, not the sexual union in and of itself. That is symbolic of your one flesh union. But if you put that before the covenanting, what you have done is you have degraded, you have violated, and you have actually screamed to God, I know a better way. And this has become the norm. This has become the norm. God help us, because there are massive implications to this. Is this something we can't recover from absolutely not. God is able. Amen. God can forgive, God can restore. But there are so many people who have issues that are related directly to this and haven't even acknowledged it. So yeah, we need reformation in our understanding of marriage and family. You better believe it from beginning to end. This is about the Gospel. This is about Christ who laid down his life to redeem his bride, And this is about a covenant relationship that paints a picture to a lost, hurting and dying world of this reality. That is the truest truth that anyone will ever know. That Christ died for sin, once for all that, just for the unjust, in order that he might bring us back to God. That's what this is about. You don't walk away from that, you don't give up on that, you don't just get tired of that. You hope all things, believe all things, you endure all things, and you never fail. That's what loved us, and we were able to love like that only because He first loved us. Let's pray, Father, thank you for reminding us today of this truth. Reminding us today that marriage is about so much more than just our own wants and needs and desires, but that marriage is essentially a testimony. Grant by your grace, that we would live like we believe this to be true, that Christ might be glorified as wives submit to their. Husbands as to Him, and as husbands love their wives as He loved his bride in church. Grant this we pray in Christ's name for his sake and his glory alone. Amenah Right. A solid doctrinal foundation, biblical church structure, the proper use of a church covenants, the ins and outs of church discipline, and how to engage missionally in a way that is both biblical and glorifies God is all part of the ministry of the Reformation Montana's Executive Board, which exists to serve local churches and to help enable them to understand reformation and revivals. Regardless of where you're located inside or outside Montana Reformation, Montana's Reformation and Revival ministry can come to your church or church plant and through a combination of both biblical preaching and seminar style teaching sessions. Refmont leaders like J. D. Hall will lead your church in two to three day sessions to help your church understand the link between Reformation and Revival. For information, go to Reformationmontana dot Organs and clip the link Reformation and Revivals