Take Control Of Your Happiness

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This is not an 0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:29.759 offer to buy your self securities, nor is it investment, 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:30.760 legal or tax advice. 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:33.959 Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks for listening to 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:36.759 our podcast and thanks for supporting the ministry. 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:39.240 If you enjoy today's message, why don't you be a 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:40.800 blessing and share it with a friend. 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:43.840 We appreciate you and pray for God's very best in 0:01:43.920 --> 0:01:58.640 your life. Well, God bless you. It's always a joy 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:01.040 to come into your homes, and if you're ever in 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:04.000 our area, please stop by and see us. These are 0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:06.720 the finest people in all of Houston, Texas. Right here 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:09.840 at Lakewood Chair. I promise you we will make you 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:12.880 feel right at home. But thanks for tuning in. Thank 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:15.120 you again for coming out. I like to start with 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:18.079 something funny, and I heard about this Southern Baptist man 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:21.360 named Bill. He loved to sneak off to the horse 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:24.640 races and bet. One day, after losing almost all of 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:27.920 his money, he noticed a priest stepped down on the 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:31.440 tracks and bless a horse. Sure enough, the horse won 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:35.000 first place. The next race, the priest blessed another horse. 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:37.960 Once again, that horse won, so Bill went to the 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:41.280 ATM machine took out all of his money. This time 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:45.000 the priest not only touched the horse's forehead, but his eyes, 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:48.440 his ears, and all of his hoofs. Feeling confident, Bill 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:51.280 bet all of his money, but right in the middle 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:54.880 of the race, the horse fell over and died. Bill 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:57.280 couldn't believe it. Went to the priest and said, what 0:02:57.320 --> 0:03:00.200 in the world happened. The priest said, that's the problem 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:02.920 with you Protestants. You don't know the difference between a 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:08.160 blessing and the last rights. Hold up your Bible, say 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:11.080 it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:13.440 am what it says, I am. I have what it 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:15.800 says I have, I can do what it says I 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:18.840 can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:23.480 I boldly confess. My mind is alert, my heart is receptive. 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:27.360 I will never be the same. In Jesus' name, God 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:30.880 bless you. I want to talk to you today about 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:36.360 taking control of your happiness. Some people are sacrificing their 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:39.600 own happiness to try to keep everyone around them happy. 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:42.720 They've got to stop by a friend's house to say hello. 0:03:43.320 --> 0:03:46.200 If not, they may get upset. They've got to work 0:03:46.280 --> 0:03:49.680 late every night. If not, the boss may be unhappy. 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:53.120 They've got to loan this friend money. They're in trouble again. 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:57.960 If they don't meet all these demands, rescue this person, 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:02.680 keep this person fixed, solve this person's problem, then they'll 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:07.040 fall out of somebody's good grace. Somebody won't understand. But 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:10.680 God did not call you to keep everyone happy. It's 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:13.960 good to be loving, kind, generous, but you are not 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:18.360 responsible for other people's happiness. You are responsible to keep 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:22.480 yourself happy. Well, Joel. If I don't loan them the money, 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.440 if I don't bail them out again for the twelfth time, 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:29.440 they may get upset with me. Maybe it's time for 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:32.839 them to be unhappy instead of you to be unhappy. 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:38.599 If they get upset, they're not friends, they're manipulators. Your 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:42.520 time is too valuable to go through life. Letting people 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:45.720 control you make you feel guilty if you don't come 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:49.280 running every time they call. The easy thing is to 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:53.880 just give in and bail them out. Don't make any waves. 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:57.640 But as long as you rescue them, you're there to 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.880 keep them fixed and to keep them cheered up. You're 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:05.320 not really helping them. You're becoming a crutch. You're enabling 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:08.920 their dysfunction. The only way they're really going to get 0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:11.839 free is for you to not meet all their needs 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:16.360 and not come running every time they have a quote emergency. 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:18.840 You've got to put your foot down and say I 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:21.360 love you, but I'm not going to let you control me. 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:24.120 I love you, but I'm not going to jump every 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:27.240 time you call. I love you, but I am not 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:30.279 going to feel guilty if I don't meet all of 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:35.400 your demands. If somebody is controlling you, it's not their fault, 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:39.719 it's your fault. You have to set some boundaries quite 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:42.279 allowing them to call you all hours of the day 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:45.440 and night and dump their problems on you. That's why 0:05:45.480 --> 0:05:50.360 we have voicemail. Quit catering to them every time they 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:54.159 throw a fit, ignore it. Quit loaning then the money 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:58.080 every time they make poor choices. Don't take on that 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:02.000 false sense of responsibility. You are not the savior of 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:05.600 the world. We already have a savior. You're not supposed 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:09.760 to keep everyone happy, everyone fixed. If you take on 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:12.560 that job. The one person who will not be happy 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:16.760 is you. I know this man, and for years he 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:19.719 had a problem paying his rent. My heart went out 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:22.960 to him, and I helped him again and again every 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:26.600 other month. Practically he would explain how something had come 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:29.440 up and he couldn't make his payments. After about the 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:33.960 fifth emergency, I started to wise up. He told how 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:37.080 his client hadn't paid him the money should show up 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:41.000 any time a relative got sick, he had to travel 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:44.640 out of town, on and on. After this long, sad story, 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:48.160 he looked at me and said, now, Joel, what are 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:51.640 we going to do. I didn't say it, but I 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:55.160 thought to myself, We're not going to do anything, because 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:58.560 this is not my problem. This is your problem, and 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:01.880 I'm not going to feel guilt because you keep making 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:05.839 poor choices. I believe I would still be helping him today, 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:09.200 five years later, if I had not put my foot down. 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:11.920 A lot of times we do things out of guilt. 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.640 Well I should help him, I feel like and if 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:17.080 I don't, I'm gonna feel bad about it. But if 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:21.360 that person is not taking responsibility, you're not really helping them. 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:24.720 You're hurting them. They're not having to deal with the 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:28.880 real issues. And some people are always having a crisis. 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.160 They're always in need, and it's good to help them 0:07:32.240 --> 0:07:38.080 once twice a dozen times, certainly be kind, show mercy. 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:42.760 But five years later they're still having those regular emergencies, 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:46.560 counting on you to come running. If you keep giving in. 0:07:46.920 --> 0:07:49.800 It's just like they have you as a puppet. They 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:52.760 know if they pull this string, you'll feel guilty. Pull 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.880 this string, you'll come bail them out. Pull this string, 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:58.480 then you'll stay late and do the project for them. 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:03.760 My message to is cut the strings. No more puppets, 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:07.400 no more letting them make you feel guilty, no more 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:10.640 come running, well, Joel, If I do that, they may 0:08:10.720 --> 0:08:13.920 not be my friend anymore. There's your answer. God may 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.280 have just closed that door for you. The truth is, 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:21.200 if they get upset because you don't meet every demand. 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.240 They give you the cold shoulder because you don't call 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:28.280 on que They're not really a friend, they're a controller. 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:31.280 The sooner you break free, the better off you're going 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:34.400 to be. It's like a little child, a toddler. If 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:38.200 every time they throw a fit, you come running, you 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:40.640 give them what they want, they'll continue to do that. 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:44.920 They know what they have to do to get their way. 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:47.760 But if you let them throw that fit a dozen times, 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:52.079 even though they're hollering and screaming, you ignore it, go 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:56.640 about your day, enjoy your life. Before long, they'll realize 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:59.920 throwing a fit doesn't do any good and they'll have 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:04.760 to change. It's the same principle in adults. As long 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:08.360 as somebody can pressure you into doing what they want, 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:11.160 they will continue to do it. But when you don't 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:15.000 respond to their fits, you don't let their guilt cause 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:17.920 you to give in. You don't come running every time 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:20.800 they have a need. That will force them to look 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:24.560 inside and deal with the real issues. I have some 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:28.120 friends this couple. The first several years of their marriage 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:31.800 was very miserable. The young lady went through some unfair 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:37.200 situations as a child, and she was extremely unhappy extremely negative. 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:40.240 If she didn't get her way, she would throw fits, 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.600 go four or five days having a pity party, pouting. 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:47.400 Her husband is as good as can be. He did 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:50.000 everything he could to try to keep her happy. I 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:54.120 was constantly encouraging her, trying to fix her problems, telling 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:57.760 her everything was going to be okay. For three years, 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:02.800 he catered to her night and basically giving up his 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:06.480 happiness to try to keep her happy. One day, it 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:10.720 dawned on him, she's not going to change. He realized, 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:14.160 even though he had good intentions, he wasn't helping her. 0:10:14.679 --> 0:10:18.520 He had become a crutch. He told her, I love you, 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:22.120 but I cannot make you happy. I've tried everything I 0:10:22.200 --> 0:10:26.200 can and I'm done trying. As harsh as that sounds, 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:29.640 she said that was the best thing that ever happened 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.560 to her. That forced her to look inside and deal 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:37.080 with those issues. You may be in relationship with somebody 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:42.000 like that, don't take on that false sense of responsibility. 0:10:42.679 --> 0:10:46.040 God did not call you to be unhappy in order 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:49.800 to keep somebody else happy. And yes, there may be 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:53.439 seasons where we make sacrifices and we have to put 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.000 up with some things to help a friend get wild. 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:59.200 Or to help a loved one overcome. But you cannot 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:03.439 let us see turn into a lifetime where you are 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:08.400 sacrificing your happiness, not pursuing your dreams, putting your life 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:12.280 on hold to try to keep somebody else happy. Life 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:15.920 is too short to go through it letting people control 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:19.800 you who will not make good decisions for themselves. And 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:22.800 there's a fine line here, but you are not responsible 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:27.400 for your spouse's happiness, your children's happiness, your friend's happiness. 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:30.800 You can't make people do what's right, no matter how 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:33.760 hard you pray, how hard you try. You can't make 0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:36.760 a family member serve God, can't make a friend stay 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:40.199 out of trouble. When we love people, it's very easy 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:43.680 to take on that responsibility and spend all our time 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:47.320 and energy thinking we've got to get them fixed. The 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:51.400 problem is some people don't want to be fixed. You 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:54.720 got to turn those people over to the Lord. Quit 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:58.360 being frustrated because they won't do what's right. That's what 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:02.640 it means to become code dependent. Somebody has a problem, 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:06.040 they won't make good choices, and you make the mistake 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:10.640 of letting their problem become your problem. If you're putting 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:14.480 off your happiness until they change. You may be unhappy 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:17.520 for a long time. Why don't you let that person 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:20.480 off of your potter's will. You are not the potter. 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:23.800 God is the potter. God knows how to get people 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:29.000 to change. Your job is to love them, pray for them, 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:33.200 help them when you can, but don't take responsibility for 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:36.199 their poor choices. I talked to a lady a couple 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.800 of weeks ago in the lobby. Her twenty four year 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.800 old son has gotten way off track, and for the 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:47.080 last three years she's been emotionally drained and physically worn out. 0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:50.800 She looks ten years older than normal. You can see 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:53.680 the weight of the world that she's been carrying. She's 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:59.240 constantly rescuing her son, bailing him out, loaning him the money. 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:04.199 He's giving up her happiness until her son gets straightened out. 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:06.920 And of course we all love our children, we do 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:10.720 anything in the world for them, but sometimes the best 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:16.599 thing is to not rescue them, don't keep enabling that dysfunction. 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.440 In the story of the Prodigal Son, the young man 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:25.439 took his inheritance, went out wasted all the money, partying 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:29.680 wild living, making poor choices. He ended up in the 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:33.840 hog pen. No money, so desperate that he was eating 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:39.199 hog food to survive. What's interesting is the father didn't 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:42.920 go rescue him. Father didn't go bail him out, didn't 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.720 send him his staff to get him all fixed up. 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:48.920 He just left him there. The father went about his business, 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:54.280 living life, pursuing his goals. Eventually, Luke fifteen seventeen says, 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:58.280 the young man came to himself. He came to his 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.600 senses and realized, hey, I'm making poor choices. I got 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:04.000 to get back on the right track. He went home 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.920 and got his life straightened out. And I'm all for 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:11.720 helping people, saving them whenever we can from heartache and pain. 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.360 But some people you can help them a hundred times, 0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:17.920 and when they leave, every time, they'll go right back 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:20.600 to the mess they were in. The only way they're 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:22.840 really going to get free is to come to a 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:27.720 place where nobody's bailing them out, nobody's paying their bills, 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:32.440 nobody's acting as a crutch. Then, like the prodigal son, 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:35.440 at some point they're going to come to themselves. They're 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.520 going to realize, hey, I've got to take responsibility for 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:41.440 my life. I've got to rise up and become who 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:44.360 God's created me. To be, But some of you today 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:47.840 you're doing too much for other people and not enough 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:52.479 for yourself. You're so good hearted, so kind, You're sacrificing 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:56.440 your happiness to keep everyone around you happy, but your 0:14:56.560 --> 0:15:00.880 first priority is to keep yourself happy. You need to 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:05.600 evaluate your relationships. If you're doing all the giving and 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:09.640 very little receiving, something is out of balance. If you 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.400 have to keep that person cheered up twenty four hours 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:15.800 a day, something is wrong. You should be able to 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:18.120 tell your friend no, I'm not going to be able 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:22.000 to go and them not try to make you feel guilty. 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:24.920 If they do, they try to give you the culd shore, 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:28.920 they get upset. They're not a friend, they're a controller. 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:32.760 Don't go the next twenty years trying to meet all 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:36.680 their demands. The best thing you could do is cut 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:40.520 the puppet strings. They're not really interested in you, They're 0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:43.680 interested in what you can do for them. You don't 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:48.200 have time to play games, get distracted, entangled trying to 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:52.840 keep everybody around you happy. You have a destiny to fulfill. 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:57.840 Be bold and take control of your own life. When 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:00.880 I was growing up, my grandfather would buy a new 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.720 car every two years, and he would give one of 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:07.560 us grandkids his old car. He was very generous. When 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:10.840 I was a junior in high school, my grandfather gave 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:15.200 me his four year old Buick Lesabra, had a lime 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:19.440 green body and a white top. I loved my grandfather, 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:23.640 but it was the ugliest car on the road. One 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:26.200 of my friends that I played basketball with he had 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:30.160 a car as well. We decided to carpool. I'd go 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:32.240 pick him up a week and take him to school, 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:35.040 and he would drive me the next week. He lived 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:38.560 about fifteen minutes in the opposite direction from the school, 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:40.480 so I'd have to go that way and come all 0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:42.880 the way back by my house. I didn't mind doing that. 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:45.320 He drove a week, I drove a week. This happened 0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:48.800 two or three times. Then his car was in the shop. 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.240 Then his brother needed to borrow the car he couldn't drive. 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:55.680 Then something else came up. It got to where I 0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:58.920 was driving all the time, and I really didn't mind it, 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:02.520 but it seemed like he was grateful. He acted like 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:04.960 I owed it to him to go pick him up. 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.120 One day, I got my nerve up. I asked him 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:10.399 if he was ever going to drive again, and he 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:14.120 explained how he was trying to keep the mileage down 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:18.760 on his car, and basically that I needed to keep 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:21.720 picking him up. He acted like he was doing me 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:24.960 a favor to ride in my car, and even though 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:27.199 my car was ugly, he didn't deserve on being in it. 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:31.920 I did what I'm asking you to do. It's very polite, 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:34.680 had a big smile on my face, but I told him, 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:37.400 I'm sorry. I'm not going to be able to come 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:40.359 out there and pick you up anymore. You would have 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:43.160 thought I told him his life was coming to an end. 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:46.520 He tried to put me on the biggest guilt trip, 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:50.120 told me how selfish I was being. He would hardly 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:53.560 speak to me again. I thought, that is fine with me. 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:56.280 If he's only going to be my friend, if I 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:59.919 meet all of his demands and cater to his every need, 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:03.639 good riddance. I don't need friends like that. Go find 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:06.560 somebody else to control, But you're not gonna control me. 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:10.399 I don't mind being good to people, but I do 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:14.120 mind being used. If you allow it, people will run 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:16.880 your life. They'll tell you what to do and where 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:19.399 to go, and how to dress, how to spend your money. 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.920 It's good to get free from addictions. Free from debt, 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:26.359 free from depression. But one of the greatest freedoms is 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:30.280 to get free from people. Quit letting people pressure you 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:35.040 into becoming something that you're not. Quit living on eggshells 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:38.199 thinking you're gonna fall out of their favor. If you 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:42.840 don't perform perfectly, call them on queue, come running every 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:45.919 time they ask. Then Joel, they may get upset with me. 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:50.399 My message today is let them be upset. If you 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:56.160 spend your life trying to please everyone, letting people control you, 0:18:56.160 --> 0:18:59.639 you may make them happy, but you will miss your destiny. 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:03.439 I would rather please God and have a few people 0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:06.720 upset with me than to please people and have God 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:11.320 upset with me. You got to especially, you need to 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:15.560 especially be careful of high maintenance people. That's what my 0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:19.080 friend was. High maintenance people. You can never do enough 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:22.560 for them. No matter how much you do, they expect more. 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:26.440 You got to be available twenty four to seven, run 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:30.560 their errands, compliment them, keep them cheered up. If not, 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:33.280 they get their feelings hurt. They try to make you 0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:37.560 feel guilty. Don't go year after year playing up to 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:43.160 people like that. High maintenance people are impossible to keep happy. 0:19:43.240 --> 0:19:44.960 If you do that, all that's going to do is 0:19:45.040 --> 0:19:48.479 end up frustrating you. Friend of mine is a pilot. 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:52.240 He told how there are four main principles in flying 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:59.600 an airplane. There is lift, thrust, weight, and drag. You 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:02.480 have to take into account all four of these to 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:07.040 make sure the plane will fly. Most people fall into 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:10.440 one of these four categories. There will be people who 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:15.440 lift you, brighten your day, make you feel better about yourself. 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:18.119 When you leave, you've got a spring in your step. 0:20:18.280 --> 0:20:22.560 They're lifters. There are people who will thrust you. They 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:26.200 motivate you, They inspire you. They challenge you to move 0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:30.600 forward and accomplish your dreams. They are thrusters. Then there 0:20:30.640 --> 0:20:34.600 are people who are a weight. They pull you down. 0:20:35.520 --> 0:20:40.080 When you leave, you feel heavier, discourage, negative, worse than 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:44.000 you were before. Number four, there are people who are 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:48.320 a drag. They've always got a sad story, had a 0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:53.480 flat tire, dishwasher broke, goldfish dyed, mother in law, just 0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:57.880 moved in permanently. They're always in the pits and they 0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:01.440 expect you to cheer them up to solve their problems, 0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:05.680 to carry their heavy load. In life, we all encounter 0:21:05.800 --> 0:21:09.399 people from these four different groups. Here's the key. Make 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:14.240 sure you're spending the majority of your time with lifters 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:20.440 and thrusters. If you're only hanging out with weights with drags, 0:21:20.680 --> 0:21:23.520 they will keep you from becoming all God's created you 0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:28.440 to be. Some people have a perpetual problem, always got 0:21:28.480 --> 0:21:31.320 a sad story, and if you allow it, they will 0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:35.320 use you as a trash can to dump all their garbage. 0:21:35.400 --> 0:21:37.520 You spend an hour with them, feel like you just 0:21:37.600 --> 0:21:41.560 ran a marathon. Their energy suckers. You leave drained and 0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:45.639 worn out. You cannot continue to put that in day 0:21:45.720 --> 0:21:49.439 after day and expect to reach your highest potential. You 0:21:49.520 --> 0:21:52.840 will not lift off. You will not be thrust into 0:21:52.920 --> 0:21:56.200 the amazing future God has in store. If you are 0:21:56.520 --> 0:22:00.760 weighted down, letting people dump their problems on you make 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:04.159 you discouraged, taking all your energy, thinking that you have 0:22:04.240 --> 0:22:09.159 to spend your time keeping them fixed, keeping them encouraged. No, 0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:14.280 it's hard enough to keep yourself encouraged. Don't take responsibility 0:22:14.560 --> 0:22:18.320 for their happiness. And yes, I realize there are times 0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:21.560 that we need to sow a seed, be a listening ear, 0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:25.280 help love somebody back into wholeness. But that should be 0:22:25.400 --> 0:22:30.320 for a season, not an ongoing drama to where every 0:22:30.480 --> 0:22:34.080 day somebody calls you and tells how bad their husband's 0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:36.760 treating her and how the neighbor didn't do her right. 0:22:37.080 --> 0:22:40.000 They're in the pits now. They're expecting you to work 0:22:40.040 --> 0:22:44.480 your magic. It's like guiding Light Jersey Shore, Real Housewives 0:22:44.480 --> 0:22:47.360 of Beverly Hills all put into one Listen. You've got 0:22:47.440 --> 0:22:50.800 enough drama in your own life without listening to everybody 0:22:50.800 --> 0:22:56.640 else's drama. You cannot put that negativity in and expect 0:22:56.680 --> 0:22:58.760 to soar like God wants you to. 0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:00.399 You. 0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:04.120 If you don't make an adjustment in this area and 0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:07.560 not spend so much time with the weights and the drags, 0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:11.159 it'll keep you from God's best Well, Joel, what if 0:23:11.160 --> 0:23:14.399 they get their feelings hurt? What if you miss your destinies? 0:23:15.040 --> 0:23:17.600 What if they get upset with me? What if you 0:23:17.640 --> 0:23:22.040 don't accomplish your God given dreams? Pay attention to who 0:23:22.040 --> 0:23:26.280 you're spending time with. Are they lifters thrusters? Do they 0:23:26.359 --> 0:23:30.600 motivate you, inspire you, challenge you, leave you better than 0:23:30.600 --> 0:23:33.320 you were before? Or is it just the opposite They 0:23:33.440 --> 0:23:36.720 drag you down. Many years ago, I used to get 0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:39.440 my haircut by this young lady. She was as nice 0:23:39.440 --> 0:23:42.600 as can be, had a great heart, but she was 0:23:42.800 --> 0:23:47.000 very negative. Every time I went in, month after month, 0:23:47.280 --> 0:23:50.399 year after year, she would tell me all of her problems, 0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:53.600 how the owners weren't treating her right, they were making 0:23:53.640 --> 0:23:56.600 her work long hours, She had a sister that was 0:23:56.880 --> 0:23:59.920 causing her problems. She was never sure she could pay 0:23:59.880 --> 0:24:03.879 her rent each month. Her father wasn't well. When I left, 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:08.000 always felt so heavy, so discouraged. And I did my 0:24:08.080 --> 0:24:11.560 best to encourage her. I would pray with her, I 0:24:11.640 --> 0:24:14.720 spoke faith into her, I gave her money, I sent 0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:19.080 her customers, but it was never enough. One day I 0:24:19.160 --> 0:24:23.680 realized what I'm telling you, I cannot go where God 0:24:23.760 --> 0:24:27.480 is taking me with her in my life. I love her, 0:24:27.720 --> 0:24:31.200 I pray for her, but I cannot fulfill my destiny 0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:35.120 with that weight and drag being put on me every month. 0:24:35.440 --> 0:24:37.960 And I made a change. And it wasn't easy, because 0:24:38.119 --> 0:24:41.080 I never liked to hurt somebody's feelings. But I knew 0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:45.800 my assignment was too important, my destiny was too great 0:24:46.080 --> 0:24:50.680 to allow someone to continually pull me down. You too 0:24:51.480 --> 0:24:54.040 may have to make a change. And where you do 0:24:54.200 --> 0:24:57.719 business and where you work out, in whose phone calls 0:24:57.760 --> 0:25:01.720 you take. Don't let that negativity go into you day 0:25:01.920 --> 0:25:06.639 after day. You need to be around other thrusters, other lifters, 0:25:06.840 --> 0:25:10.480 people that motivate, people that inspire. That's why so many 0:25:10.560 --> 0:25:13.960 people are drawn to our ministry. There are enough weights, 0:25:14.640 --> 0:25:17.760 enough drags. I'm gonna push you forward. If you get 0:25:17.760 --> 0:25:20.520 around me, I'm gonna do my best to encourage you 0:25:20.600 --> 0:25:24.760 to challenge and inspire you, hopefully leave you better than 0:25:24.800 --> 0:25:27.960 you were before. Now, I know some of you work 0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:30.919 around people who are a weight, or you go to 0:25:31.000 --> 0:25:33.320 school with people who are a drag. You don't have 0:25:33.400 --> 0:25:36.119 a choice. You have to be there. Here's the key. 0:25:36.480 --> 0:25:39.720 Before you go to work, before you go to school, 0:25:40.040 --> 0:25:44.840 you got to get prayed up, praised up, encouraged. You 0:25:44.960 --> 0:25:48.000 gotta set your mind that's going to be a great day. 0:25:48.119 --> 0:25:52.480 You cannot go into that negative environment in neutral. You 0:25:52.600 --> 0:25:57.320 gotta get already filled up, already encouraged. Don't let your 0:25:57.320 --> 0:26:00.840 guard down, stressed out because of the traffic, worried about 0:26:00.880 --> 0:26:03.760 your deadline. Listen to the news now. If you're not 0:26:03.920 --> 0:26:07.520 on the offensive, the weights and drags will pull you down. 0:26:08.359 --> 0:26:10.639 On the way to work. Maybe it's a twenty minute drive. 0:26:10.800 --> 0:26:13.480 Why don't you put on some good praise music, get 0:26:13.520 --> 0:26:17.560 your spirit person built up, have a grateful attitude. Start 0:26:17.600 --> 0:26:20.560 thanking God for what he's done, or put on a 0:26:20.560 --> 0:26:25.120 good teaching CD. Something that inspires you motivates you. Then 0:26:25.240 --> 0:26:27.439 start talking to yourself the right way. This is going 0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:30.359 to be a great day. I have the favor of God. 0:26:30.680 --> 0:26:33.320 I am strong in the Lord. I can do all 0:26:33.400 --> 0:26:36.080 things through Christ. Something good is going to happen to 0:26:36.080 --> 0:26:39.800 me today. That's how you stay strong and not let 0:26:39.800 --> 0:26:42.639 the weights and drags pull you down. You've got to 0:26:42.720 --> 0:26:46.720 build up that resistance. Well, what happens if you live 0:26:46.840 --> 0:26:50.720 with a wait, perhaps you're even married to a wait, 0:26:51.080 --> 0:26:54.240 married to a drag. Don't look at your spouse now, 0:26:54.240 --> 0:26:57.840 that wouldn't be good. You gotta do the same thing. 0:26:58.359 --> 0:27:04.320 Take extra doses of praise, encouragement, inspiration, stay filled up, 0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:09.360 and while God is in the process of changing that person, 0:27:09.560 --> 0:27:12.600 don't let them steal your joy. Some people don't want 0:27:12.640 --> 0:27:15.480 to be happy. They like living in the pits. You 0:27:15.560 --> 0:27:17.600 got to have the attitude. If you don't want to 0:27:17.640 --> 0:27:20.200 be happy, that's fine, but you're not going to keep 0:27:20.200 --> 0:27:22.119 me from being happy. If you want to live in 0:27:22.160 --> 0:27:24.639 the pits, that's your choice. But I'm not getting in 0:27:24.680 --> 0:27:29.480 the pits with you take responsibility for your own happiness. 0:27:29.920 --> 0:27:34.360 Don't let those issues sour your own life. Pray for them, 0:27:34.640 --> 0:27:38.640 be respectful, but don't become codependent where you let their 0:27:38.720 --> 0:27:43.320 problem become your problem and you miss your destiny. Friends, 0:27:43.359 --> 0:27:47.520 it's time to break free. Is there something keeping you 0:27:47.560 --> 0:27:51.320 from being happy? Are you allowing somebody to control you? 0:27:51.800 --> 0:27:55.159 Make you feel guilty because you don't meet all their demands? 0:27:55.480 --> 0:28:00.119 Why don't you cut the puppet screens, set some boundaries. 0:28:00.320 --> 0:28:05.000 Don't miss your destiny trying to keep everyone happy, everybody fixed. 0:28:05.359 --> 0:28:08.880 God did not call you to be unhappy to keep 0:28:08.920 --> 0:28:13.800 somebody else happy. Make sure you have plenty of thrusters 0:28:13.840 --> 0:28:17.359 and lifters in your life. If you'll learn this principle 0:28:17.640 --> 0:28:21.199 of taking control of your own happiness, I believe and 0:28:21.320 --> 0:28:24.840 declare this is going to be a new day. Bondagest 0:28:24.960 --> 0:28:27.639 that have held you back for years are being broken 0:28:27.760 --> 0:28:30.359 right now. You're going to step into a new sense 0:28:30.400 --> 0:28:34.040 of freedom, a new sense of joy, a greater happiness. 0:28:34.240 --> 0:28:38.160 You will overcome every obstacle, defeat every enemy, and become 0:28:38.280 --> 0:28:42.240 everything God's created you to be in Jesus' name, If 0:28:42.280 --> 0:28:46.800 you receive it, can you say amen? We never like 0:28:46.880 --> 0:28:50.000 to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity to 0:28:50.080 --> 0:28:52.760 make Jesus the lord of your life. Would you pray 0:28:52.800 --> 0:28:57.480 with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, I'll repent of my sins. 0:28:58.960 --> 0:29:04.480 Come into my heart. I make you my Lord and savior. Friends, 0:29:04.480 --> 0:29:06.920 if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got 0:29:06.920 --> 0:29:10.320 born again. Get in a good Bible based church. Keep 0:29:10.360 --> 0:29:13.239 God first place. He's going to take your places that 0:29:13.320 --> 0:29:14.240 you've never dreamed of. 0:29:14.920 --> 0:29:18.360 Thank you for listening to the Jolos Deine podcast. Help 0:29:18.480 --> 0:29:21.200 us continue to share the message of hope with those 0:29:21.280 --> 0:29:25.200 all over the world. Visit jolostin dot com slash give 0:29:25.280 --> 0:29:26.959 Hope to give a gift today. 0:29:28.240 --> 0:29:31.120 Thanks so much for listening to today's message. I hope 0:29:31.160 --> 0:29:34.520 you'll subscribe so you can receive the latest podcast to 0:29:34.600 --> 0:29:37.800 keep you inspired all through the week. We're praying for you. 0:29:38.000 --> 0:29:40.440 I know God's best is still ahead. We'll see you 0:29:40.520 --> 0:29:41.000 next time. 0:29:48.080 --> 0:29:50.080 Somewhere is here and our sleep is just as important 0:29:50.120 --> 0:29:52.240 as our weekend plans. So get the sleep you deserve 0:29:52.320 --> 0:29:54.400 with Lisa. For a limited time, save up to seven 0:29:54.440 --> 0:29:57.320 hundred dollars off select mattresses plus two free pillows during 0:29:57.320 --> 0:30:00.040 our summer sale. Check out our hybrid mattress designed to 0:30:00.120 --> 0:30:02.560 keep you cool during those hot summer nights. Lisa also 0:30:02.640 --> 0:30:05.520 offers free shipping and a RISP free one hundred night trial. 0:30:05.720 --> 0:30:08.240 Get the sleep you deserve. Shop our summer sale now 0:30:08.320 --> 0:30:10.760 and save up to seven hundred dollars off select mattresses 0:30:10.840 --> 0:30:13.720 plus two free pillows at Lisa dot com. That's l 0:30:13.800 --> 0:30:16.960 E e SA dot com. Exclusions applied. 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