Fix Your Focus

0:00:01.560 --> 0:00:02.840 Hey, this is Stephen Ferdick. 0:00:02.840 --> 0:00:05.840 I'm the pastor of Elevation Church and this is our podcast. 0:00:05.920 --> 0:00:07.800 I wanted to thank you for joining us today. 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:10.719 Hope this inspires you. Hope it builds your faith. 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:12.880 Hope it gives your perspective to see God is moving 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:18.159 in your life. Enjoy the message, and I feel so 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:22.880 energized about this new teaching series called The Other Half. 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:26.360 We're going to talk about your relationships. How many are 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:31.080 excited to talk about your relationships? 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:35.880 Take a moment if you wouldn't pity me? Would you 0:00:35.960 --> 0:00:36.360 pity me? 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:41.840 Yeah? Because how would you like to speak about relationships 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:43.440 to a room this diverse? 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:49.600 Would you enjoy that? You want to trade places? Because 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:50.600 I know, I know I've. 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:52.360 Been doing this a while now. I know I look 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:55.680 twenty three, but I've been doing this for a minute, 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:59.040 and I know everybody has a different kind of reaction. 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:01.600 We're going to talk about relationships four weeks and then 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:03.240 some people say, well, i'll see you in five. 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:05.080 Am I sending through that? 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:08.360 You know? Because really, really they do. Some people have 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:14.840 been through painful, terribly painful relationship situations, and you almost 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:18.120 think you can predict what the preacher might have to 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:21.800 say about relationships before he even says it. So single 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.280 people are already judging me before I even start my sermon. 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:31.160 Hear me gown okay, and then they tell me to wait, 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:33.279 wait for the one. 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:38.559 Then i'm you know, and if i'm if he hasn't 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:41.479 come in my life yet, I'm not ready. 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:45.119 And though my roommate was totally less ready than me. 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:49.040 She I don't say anything about you know, tell me 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:51.400 not to have sex and sex and when you get 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:56.800 a disease and go to hell and I die. 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:02.720 But what I'm gonna do, I'm going to go straight 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:07.480 to the Bible, and then if you don't like what 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:09.840 I have to say, you can take. 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:12.880 It up with my boss, turning your Bible. 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:17.639 To Matthew chapter six, verse thirty one. And we want 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:21.440 to get into this series today called the Other Half. 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:25.800 If I were to ask you the question are you 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:30.480 in a relationship and your hand didn't go up, you 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:33.480 misunderstand the very nature of what we intend to communicate. 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:38.720 This series is for everyone. Would you touch your neighbor 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:46.800 and say this is totally for you. 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:45.880 When we do it, we'll talk a little bit about. 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:48.560 If you're married, that's important, but there is half of 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:51.160 the church that isn't married. Statistics say half of marriages 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:51.840 and in divorce. 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:53.600 And let's be honest. 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:57.160 If we don't have our relationship with God right, our 0:02:57.200 --> 0:03:01.000 relationship with ourself right, we're never gonna have our relationship 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:05.320 with others. Right. So I hope you'll just listen with 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:10.360 an open mind today and let me pick up in 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:13.120 Matthew chapter six, verse thirty one. I'm probably partial to 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:16.840 this scripture. My dad loved the Sermon on the Mount 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:19.840 and he would read it every morning. So he challenged 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:21.680 me to memorize. And I memorize some of it, but 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:25.000 he memorized the whole thing. I didn't memorize the whole thing. 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:27.680 But I like this part in Matthew chapter six, verse 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:29.560 thirty one. And I never really saw it as a 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:31.040 relationship scripture. 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:34.920 But now that I read it in this season of 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:35.560 my life, I. 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:41.240 See that it's nothing if not a relationship scripture. It 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:45.680 is all about intimacy and provision. And you'll see what 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:48.400 I mean. Jesus speaking says, so do not worry saying 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:52.880 what shall we eat, or what shall we drink, or 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:57.360 what shall we wear? For the pagans, people who don't 0:03:57.360 --> 0:04:01.760 even know God run after all these things, and your 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:05.160 heavenly Father knows that you need them. 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:08.240 Somebody, say God knows what I need. 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:11.000 And tell your neighbor too, in case they've been staying 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:13.160 up stressing about things that are outside of their control. 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:17.160 Tell them God knows what you need. God knows what 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:20.640 you need. And that's a good thing to say. Anytime 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:22.720 in your life you feel like that you don't have enough, 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:24.279 or you don't have what you want, or you don't 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:27.159 have what others have, just remind yourself over and over 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:30.560 again that God knows what I need. 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:31.280 Now. 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:34.640 Sometimes the reason that we can't receive his provision in 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:36.760 some areas of our life is because we don't have 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:41.480 our priorities aligned. And sometimes what we interpret as a 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.960 lack of provision on God's part is a lack of 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:49.159 prioritization on ours. Can I go further, so, he says, 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:53.880 seek first thirty three his kingdom and his righteousness, and 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:59.120 all these things will be given to you as well. 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:02.200 God says, when you align your heart with my heart 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:05.520 and your plans with my purposes, I will give you 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:07.920 the things that the rest of the world has to 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:11.800 grasp for. I will give you the peace that millionaires 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:15.320 can't buy, I will give you. Come on, somebody, Every 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:17.480 good and perfect gift comes from above. And because I'm 0:05:17.480 --> 0:05:20.359 in relationship with God, I have access to everything that 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:22.320 I need to be who He's called me to be, 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:24.839 to do what He's called me to do. And so 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:29.080 knowing these things, I seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:34.040 and all these other factors will be taken care. 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:35.200 Of by my father. 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.360 I mean, sometimes when I'm preaching, I just get into 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:43.200 it myself and I forget you there. Therefore, therefore, do 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:48.640 not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:54.360 Each day has trouble of its own. Now, the people 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:57.240 that wrote the scriptures didn't put a chapter marker here, 0:05:57.279 --> 0:05:59.359 so I'm going to keep going on in chapter seven 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:02.200 because it says here that this is a new chapter. 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:03.400 But to me, it's the same thought. 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:05.560 And this verse that comes next, this is the verse 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:09.679 that everybody who smokes weed likes to quote. Do not judge, 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:16.040 or you too will be judged, for in the same 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:19.240 way you judge others, I just woke them up uptown. 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:23.040 In the same way you judge others, you will be judged. 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:25.120 And with the measure you use, it will be measured 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:28.600 to you. Why you look at the speck of sawdust 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:30.359 in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:32.640 plank in your own eye? How can you say to 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:36.159 your brother, or your wife, or your husband, whoever, your boss, 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:39.200 your kid, how can you say, let me take the 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.159 speck out of your eye. Well, all the time there's 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.800 a plank in your own eye. You hypocrite, First the 0:06:44.920 --> 0:06:48.120 plank out your own eye, then you will see clearly 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:50.680 to remove the speck from your brother's eye. 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:52.839 Do not give dogs what is sacred. 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:57.120 I'm speaking to somebody right now who is selling yourself 0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:02.080 short and lowering and compromising. Your Jesus said, do not 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:08.800 throw your pearls to pigs. Maybe you need to send 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:11.160 a text to that guy before you leave church today 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:14.720 and say, give me my pearls back. Don't even explain 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:16.480 it or put a verse by it, but you'll know 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:21.680 what it means. If you do, they may trample them 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:24.280 under their feet and turn in tear you to pieces. 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.880 I'll finish with verse seven, because we got to stop somewhere. 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:35.560 Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:40.800 you will find. Knock and the door will be opened 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:45.280 to you. I want to call this message fix your Focus, 0:07:46.920 --> 0:07:49.040 because I believe that the only thing you are ever 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:53.560 always in control of is your focus. So many factors 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:58.560 in your life are beyond your control, but one thing 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:01.680 you can always control, if you learn how to do it, 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:06.240 and if you're committed to it, is your focus. I 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:10.120 think that many relationships fail not because of a loss 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:15.640 of love, but because of a loss of focus. That 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:18.200 would be one of the reasons that a church fails 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:22.160 as well, while we're at it. 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:22.680 Is that you lose your focus. 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:29.040 When you stop caring about what God cares about, God 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:34.080 will no longer back you in your endeavor. And so 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:38.360 sometimes what we call failure is really just. 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:40.800 Broken focus. 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:45.920 It's the reason why the passion that exists in some 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:50.760 parts of relationships when it's getting started, tends to leak, 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:53.400 and you wonder where it went. It wasn't necessarily that 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:57.880 you lost the love. You lost the focus. It's very 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:03.000 difficult to keep that first love focus in any relationship. 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:06.080 I think Jesus is calling us back to focus. If 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:08.520 you'll notice the bread on the sandwich from the little 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:12.280 passage that we just read, Both of them start with 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:15.160 seeking seek first, his kingdom, ask and it will be 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:17.439 given to you. Seek and you will find on both 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:20.680 ends of this passage where Jesus is speaking on several 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:28.160 different subjects. Is this idea of focus, especially in our culture. 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:31.160 I think the focus when it comes to our relationship 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:34.679 tends to be a little broken. When I say that 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:40.599 it's broken, I mean that it's misplaced and misleading. Sometimes 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:42.360 we're so focused. 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.120 On falling in love. 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:48.640 That we are very uneducated about the process of staying 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:52.520 in love. Talk to me anytime you want to. And 0:09:53.760 --> 0:10:01.319 there's a romantic notion that is reinforce with every romantic 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:06.439 comedy that the falling part is where the excitement is. 0:10:06.559 --> 0:10:09.079 I was looking at an article getting ready for this 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:13.880 series where the author said there's a reason that fairy 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:18.040 tales end in marriage because nobody wants to see what 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:23.480 happens next. Nobody wants to talk about the other half. 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:26.720 So today, as I open this series, and it really 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:28.760 will get better every week, I hope that you'll bear 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:30.800 with me today as I lay a sort of foundation. 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:34.200 I want to talk about four decisions of focus that 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:37.120 you are making every area in your life. And I 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:39.199 know that some of you should be teaching the marriage 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:42.200 seminar all of you patron saints of marriage, been doing 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:44.679 it thirty and forty years and all of that. I'm 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:46.960 not quite on your level yet. I just celebrated my 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:53.839 fourteenth year. And while somebody's clapping for that, somebody else's. 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:59.840 Life ain't nothing married longer than you've been alive. 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:04.559 I'm gonna let some whip or snapper and some skinny 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:06.040 motocross jeans talk to me. 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:11.319 Type Jens up here trying to tell me how you 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:11.760 married it. 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:21.720 But regardless of the stage of the relationship, it requires 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:24.319 a certain kind of focus. That's all I want to 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:26.240 talk about today. So I want to lay out four areas. 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:27.760 I want you to take notice. Everybody write something down. 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:29.439 If you never written, write anything down because they don't 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.679 love God and don't care about his word. Now watch this. 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:34.559 The first area you got to decide. You got to 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:36.360 decide your focus. Because you can always decide your focus. 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:37.959 You can't always decide about all the factors. You can't 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:39.679 always decide if somebody's gonna stay with you or leave. 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.440 You can't always decide if somebody's gonna ask you out. 0:11:41.440 --> 0:11:42.880 You can always deide if they're gonna to tuch a back, 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.320 but you can always decide your focus. So is your 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:49.920 focus number one on finding or becoming? 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.600 Finding or becoming? 0:11:56.240 --> 0:12:00.800 Jesus said, seek first the kingdom and the others we'll 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:05.080 move into position. But if you seek first the other stuff, 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:09.280 then you will have no center of gravity for the 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:12.880 stuff to revolve around. So it's important that your focus 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:14.760 is not I've been teaching this for years, man. I 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:16.560 used to go around to youth camps and I would 0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:18.920 teach dating seminar and I would say, you know, it's 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:20.640 not an original quote from me, but I'll say it 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.000 all the time because I think it's true. Happiness isn't 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:27.880 finding the right person. Happiness is being the right person. 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:33.720 I'll take it further, since your applause is so tepid. 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:36.960 If you find the right person and you are not 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.839 the right person, what do you think you're going to 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:44.959 do to that poor right person? Now, I'm not suggesting, please, 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:48.000 I'm not suggesting that if you're not married or something 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.559 like that is because you're not ready yet. Because all 0:12:50.600 --> 0:12:53.480 we have to do to disprove that stupid theory is 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:55.160 to look at some of the people who are married. 0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:58.600 So mary doesn't equal ready. 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:03.080 Okay, I could offer you many examples of that, starting 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:07.120 with myself. But what I am saying is that it 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:10.520 is important to God. It as important to God that 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:13.000 you have the right people in your life. But the 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:14.560 only way you're going to have the right people in 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:16.439 your life is if you will be the right person 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:20.079 in your heart. That's the only way. That's the only 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:21.760 way you're even going to attract them to begin with. 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:23.160 And that's the only thing you can control. 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:26.680 I can always can control whether this person comes into 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:28.400 my life, but I can control the kind of person 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:31.640 that I am. You know how you have little memories 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.280 from your childhood that are so random that you wonder 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:36.520 how they're still up there from all these years, and 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:38.240 you kind of wish you could delete them, because honestly, 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:40.559 you need that space for more important things like your 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:43.840 children's names and stuff that you forget sometimes. But I 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:46.440 have a memory. I don't know why. I remember in 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:49.200 sixth grade they gave us the Berkeley County Writing Test. 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:51.719 I remember the prompt of the. 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.920 Berkeley County Writing Test when I was in the sixth grade, 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:57.400 almost word for word. Pretend that you are on an adventure, 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:01.000 or they called it a journey with your friend, and 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:03.160 on this adventure, or journey. 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:05.040 You come across a. 0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:09.720 Valuable, unusual object, describe the object. A couple weeks later, 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.800 the teacher walked in with all of our writing tests 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:15.040 and made an announcement. 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:17.520 She said, I've never had this happen. 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:20.480 Before in however many years of teaching, but every single 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:23.520 one of you failed the Berkeley County writing test. 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:26.000 We laughed. She said, it's not a joke. 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:27.560 She said. 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.840 You wrote beautiful essays. You went into. 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:34.680 Great detail elaborating on the journey with your friends, but 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:37.840 that was not the writing prompt. The writing prompt was 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:41.360 not to describe the journey. The writing prompt was to 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:45.560 describe the object. All of you wrote essays about walking 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:47.560 through the woods with your friends. Some of you traveled 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.560 across the seas with your friends. Some of you flew 0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:53.520 through space with your friends. It was highly entertaining, but 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:56.680 none of you described the object. 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:02.560 The object of relationship, the. 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:08.680 Object of love, is not that somebody else would complete you. 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:15.840 I'm sorry, Renee Zellwegger, but you got it wrong. Your 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:20.080 line was touching. It just wasn't true. Jerry didn't complete 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:26.240 you touch your neighbors. Say you can't complete me. Say 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:29.600 we teach this stuff no wonder are single people cut 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:31.560 their fists up ready to fight me when I want 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:33.960 to preach about marriage, because the way we preach. 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:35.920 It and teach it, we teach it like until you 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:39.040 get married, your life hasn't started. I only got one 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:42.120 question to ask you. If that's true, how can you 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:43.160 worship Jesus. 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:50.680 We worship a. 0:15:50.720 --> 0:16:00.400 Guy who stayed single till they killed him, saying you 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:02.080 have to stay single and to be like Jesus. I'm 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:05.120 like hypocritic to say that, but I'm saying. I'm saying 0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:06.400 if Paul would have. 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:09.280 Waited to fulfill his purpose until he had somebody to 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:11.800 complete him, we wouldn't. 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:16.120 Have twenty three percent of a New Testament. And we 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:19.000 teach it wrong. We teach it wrong. I've taught it wrong. 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:20.240 We teach it wrong. 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.440 In the Book of Genesis, God's describing marriage. You talking 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:25.000 about Adam, and even he says that you know, the 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:27.120 man shall leave his father and mother and go be 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:29.480 with his wife, and it says that the two will 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:30.120 become one. 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:32.200 Let me tell you what it doesn't say. 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:39.440 It doesn't say the halves will become whole. But yet 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:41.720 we teach it and we treat it, and we expected 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:46.240 like the halves are gonna become whole. But I found 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:48.600 out if you go into a marriage half the two halves. 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:50.520 Are gonna make hell, not whole. 0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:54.560 It's great preaching, Pastor seen it. 0:16:56.320 --> 0:17:02.240 That's very true, Pastor. So what is your focus? 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:04.479 Eric, my best my best friend world is here. I mean, 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:08.040 Holly is my best friend, but this is my best 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:09.679 my best friend. This is a guy other than my 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:10.960 son's one of my friends. 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:14.200 Eric is here. He's uh. 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:16.880 He's been my buddy since since high school, really since 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:19.240 middle school. We got in trouble together and Eric still 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:25.320 saved most days. And he he came over to my 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.080 house the other day we were gonna work out, and 0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:29.119 he was all drumpy and sluggish and everything. 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:30.479 I said, what's wrong with you? Man? 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:32.520 He said, well, he said, these I've been. 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:34.960 Up since four am. I said why. 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:37.800 He said, these kids, these punk kids in my neighborhood 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.040 and ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night. 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.719 They've done it ten times. He said, I'm gonna catch them. Though, 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:44.439 I'm gonna catch them. 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:46.399 I had I had a. 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:47.400 Camera on my doorbell. 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:49.919 There's I put a camera in my doorbell, and I'm 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:50.520 gonna catch them. 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:53.399 But these kids are smart man, smart punks. 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:56.280 They came up. They covered the camera on the doorbell 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:58.359 ring from the side. 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:00.119 I'm gonna catch them, but I stopped in at ask 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:00.720 them a question. 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:02.760 I think it's a good question, I said, And what 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:07.240 will you do when you catch them? And that good 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.760 question if somebody's looking for a woman or looking for 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.520 a man, what will you do. 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:16.400 If you catch them? 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:18.639 But we are so focused on the catching that we 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:21.000 don't even pay attention to the commitment. 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.560 That is required back when I. 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:30.679 Note, so what is your focus? Is it what you 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:33.760 can control, which is what God is doing in your life, 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:34.920 or is it finding? 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.359 You know you? I got to find a woman, then 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:38.440 you got to find a ring. 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:41.640 Then you got to find some money, and you got 0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:43.560 to find a date to get married and a place 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:46.119 to get married. Everybody can come to that, all on 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:49.800 the same date, working out continents, different continents, people coming 0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:52.440 together from all these different places in the world. And 0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:55.359 got to find the dresses for the bridesmade something that 0:18:55.400 --> 0:18:58.440 they'll all wear and won't complain about then look good against. 0:18:58.119 --> 0:18:58.840 Their skin tone. 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:02.080 And you got to find a house and find a job, 0:19:02.119 --> 0:19:07.320 and finding finding finding finding, finding finding finding finding You 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:11.679 see the pattern here. But God said, while all of 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:15.880 that has its place, if you will focus on becoming. 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:20.000 Remember he said, the two will become one. 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:25.760 That's the focus. What are you becoming? It's a good 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:26.720 question to ask. 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:31.160 Another thing that Jesus mentions is our tendency to live 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:35.280 in another time. So let me ask my second focus question. 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:38.560 Are you focused on then or now? 0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:43.480 Then or now? 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:48.080 He said, don't worry about tomorrow, not because you don't 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:50.639 have the tendency to, or not because it isn't reasonable to, 0:19:50.840 --> 0:19:51.960 just because it doesn't work. 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:55.240 You know the Corey ten Boom quote. 0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:56.560 You may not know that she said it, but she 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:58.840 said that worried does not empty tomorrow of it sorrow. 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:01.879 It only empties today of it strength. And I believe 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:06.480 that while we've talked so much about the importance of 0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:09.040 not living in your past and the danger of living 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:13.760 in yesterday, I certainly think that a lot of relationships 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:16.200 are sabotaged by things that happened before they ever began, 0:20:18.200 --> 0:20:22.320 that weren't dealt with, And so we project onto other 0:20:22.320 --> 0:20:27.520 people trust issues that were developed because of another person's actions, 0:20:27.520 --> 0:20:31.560 and start saying things to somebody that we just met, 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:39.680 like who's texting you, and it's not that you ever 0:20:40.720 --> 0:20:42.960 caught him doing anything. It's just that it's been done 0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:48.080 to you before. And so now your word, you're bringing 0:20:48.119 --> 0:20:50.240 the past into the present, and that's dangerous. You got 0:20:50.240 --> 0:20:53.560 to deal with that stuff. However, because my text led 0:20:53.600 --> 0:20:56.119 me here, I was a little bit more fascinated with 0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:58.520 this idea of how many of us live not in 0:20:58.560 --> 0:21:03.840 the past, but in the future. Jesus said, don't worry 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:07.800 about tomorrow, and it is equally important that we don't 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:11.200 wish away today waiting for tomorrow to come. 0:21:12.640 --> 0:21:15.560 Tomorrow is a sexy place to vacation in your mind. 0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:21.840 Because it's totally imaginary. Tomorrow is a wonderful place to 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:24.199 visit in your mind. It brings hope into the present. 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:26.240 I think it's cool to have a vision for the future, 0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:27.639 you know. I think it's cool to think I had 0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:29.720 plan ahead Iras and all of that. 0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:30.560 I'm a big fan. 0:21:31.760 --> 0:21:33.800 But I do think at the same time, you can't 0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:38.560 live there. But it's so nice to you know, it 0:21:38.640 --> 0:21:43.359 is so freeing from the constraints of my current struggle, 0:21:43.720 --> 0:21:50.280 which is so real. There's a shuttle myself to tomorrow. 0:21:52.119 --> 0:21:59.680 Tomorrow. I love you Tomorrow. See how good it sounds 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:05.960 it is, I love you tomorrow. 0:22:07.480 --> 0:22:09.560 You never hear anybody saying today. 0:22:11.280 --> 0:22:12.560 See, it doesn't even sound. 0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:15.960 As good, does it. It doesn't even have the same cadence today. 0:22:16.720 --> 0:22:24.399 Today, I hate you. 0:22:25.760 --> 0:22:35.960 Today, I wish you would go away. But tomorrow, tomorrow, 0:22:37.359 --> 0:22:40.400 it's gonna be better tomorrow because my kids aren't gonna 0:22:40.400 --> 0:22:43.360 be in diapers tomorrow. My kids are gonna be out 0:22:43.359 --> 0:22:47.760 of high school tomorrow. I'm be an empty nester tomorrow 0:22:48.000 --> 0:22:50.720 about my identity around my kids tomorrow. You know, my 0:22:50.800 --> 0:22:52.760 spouse any aren't tomorrow. 0:22:54.440 --> 0:23:00.639 It's about focus. It's about focus, and the. 0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:05.000 Only way, the only way till tomorrow is through today. 0:23:05.080 --> 0:23:07.879 So you got to live there. You got to live there. 0:23:08.720 --> 0:23:11.399 You can't do it like well, you know, if I 0:23:11.560 --> 0:23:13.439 had a man, and I know that's easy for me 0:23:13.520 --> 0:23:15.720 to say, I know us whatever is easy for me 0:23:15.760 --> 0:23:17.800 to say, But it's kind of easy for you single 0:23:17.840 --> 0:23:20.920 people to tell us what marriage is like too, all right, 0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:24.640 So we could all have a decent conversation, all right, 0:23:24.840 --> 0:23:27.520 And by the way, I would just put it out 0:23:27.520 --> 0:23:30.040 there to any of us who are married or single. 0:23:30.440 --> 0:23:32.439 Let's talk within the realm of what we know, not 0:23:32.520 --> 0:23:34.679 in the realm of what we think somebody. Have you 0:23:34.800 --> 0:23:38.200 ever noticed how easy it is for you to give 0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:44.159 advice when you're looking at what's in somebody else's I 0:23:46.400 --> 0:23:50.400 Jesus shifts gears in this teaching, and he's going from 0:23:50.440 --> 0:23:53.679 comfort to challenge, and God is good at both. So 0:23:53.720 --> 0:23:55.680 he says, hey, I got you. 0:23:56.000 --> 0:23:57.359 I know what you need. 0:23:57.520 --> 0:24:00.760 You don't need somebody to complete You are already the 0:24:00.840 --> 0:24:04.000 total package. You don't need clothes or food, any of 0:24:04.040 --> 0:24:06.640 these things. I know what you need, and you're good 0:24:06.680 --> 0:24:08.800 in my sight. And your life doesn't begin when the 0:24:08.800 --> 0:24:11.400 next stage starts. It starts right now, So don't worry 0:24:11.440 --> 0:24:17.960 about it now. Don't judge just out of nowhere. What's 0:24:18.000 --> 0:24:24.560 your focus? Is your focus on what is not or 0:24:24.600 --> 0:24:29.720 what you've got. Everything I've preached to you has been 0:24:29.800 --> 0:24:31.960 leading up to this point. So it's about to get good. 0:24:32.040 --> 0:24:33.399 Touch your neighbor and tell them wake up. 0:24:33.440 --> 0:24:36.480 This is the part I want to show you, real quick, 0:24:37.920 --> 0:24:50.080 the two most important tools in any relationship. This is, incidentally, 0:24:50.160 --> 0:24:52.040 the only time you will ever see me carrying one 0:24:52.080 --> 0:24:52.560 of these. 0:24:54.040 --> 0:24:55.639 For illustrative purposes. 0:24:58.440 --> 0:25:02.119 One time Elijah saw me, he was about seven, and 0:25:02.160 --> 0:25:04.560 he saw me pull out my little toolbox. About that 0:25:04.640 --> 0:25:07.120 big And he said, Daddy, you have one of those 0:25:09.440 --> 0:25:15.920 to blow to my masculinity. But I would say, right now, 0:25:17.440 --> 0:25:22.520 when you think about your intimate relationships, and an intimate 0:25:22.560 --> 0:25:26.639 relationship can be with the parent, can be with whatever 0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:30.200 you do your own application. Okay, I can't do everything 0:25:30.200 --> 0:25:31.399 for you. I mean I can put the food on 0:25:31.400 --> 0:25:36.240 the plate, I can't chew it. So when you think 0:25:36.240 --> 0:25:39.400 about that, the first tool, if you reach in here, 0:25:39.440 --> 0:25:43.439 that you have in any relationship. Somebody say, focus, This 0:25:43.560 --> 0:25:45.760 is the first tool that you have in any relationship. 0:25:45.840 --> 0:25:52.280 It is the ability to magnify whatever you choose to magnify. 0:25:53.480 --> 0:25:55.600 Right, So Jesus said, when. 0:25:55.440 --> 0:25:59.840 You make that little speck that's in somebody else's eyes, 0:26:00.320 --> 0:26:04.600 huge thing. Now, now let's break this down, because if 0:26:04.640 --> 0:26:07.960 you're going to see a speck in somebody's eye, what 0:26:08.040 --> 0:26:12.159 do you have to be to see a speck in 0:26:12.200 --> 0:26:16.720 somebody else's eye? Right? That's not something you see from 0:26:16.760 --> 0:26:17.600 a distance. Right. 0:26:18.880 --> 0:26:21.320 You could have I boogers all up in your eye. 0:26:21.359 --> 0:26:25.000 I can't see it from the stage. But if I'm 0:26:25.040 --> 0:26:28.919 noticing a speck in your eye, that means we're close. 0:26:30.280 --> 0:26:35.480 And a lot of people fear intimacy because I don't 0:26:35.520 --> 0:26:37.280 want you to see into me. 0:26:40.119 --> 0:26:41.720 So I keep people at a distance. 0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:45.480 If I can stay up on the stage and only 0:26:45.560 --> 0:26:48.560 let you meet my representative but not see my reality, 0:26:48.920 --> 0:26:51.720 then maybe you'll stay in love with me. But I'm 0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:54.280 scared to let you get up close because I have 0:26:54.400 --> 0:26:57.280 this spec And people do the craziest thing, because when 0:26:57.320 --> 0:27:00.800 you're first in a relationship with somebody. 0:27:00.040 --> 0:27:07.600 Magnify all the amazing things about them. Wow, look how 0:27:07.640 --> 0:27:11.440 funny she is? Look out look, how look? How look 0:27:11.480 --> 0:27:12.880 how laid back he is. 0:27:13.359 --> 0:27:15.720 You don't know that laid back is really code for lazy, 0:27:15.760 --> 0:27:18.879 but you will if you marry him. 0:27:19.040 --> 0:27:28.520 Come on, Wow, it's amazing what you will magnify in 0:27:28.560 --> 0:27:30.000 the beginning of a relationship. 0:27:30.040 --> 0:27:33.160 That'll make you love somebody that you will take for granted. 0:27:33.200 --> 0:27:38.679 When you get into the relationship and get close and 0:27:38.720 --> 0:27:42.560 you choose, in any relationship or in any season of 0:27:42.560 --> 0:27:45.600 your life, you choose what you magnify. I hear single 0:27:45.640 --> 0:27:48.160 people talking about their lonely. I hear married people talking 0:27:48.200 --> 0:27:50.639 about their lonely. I heard a married couple the other 0:27:50.720 --> 0:27:52.760 day talk about having no friends, and it brought them 0:27:52.800 --> 0:27:56.240 to tears. Well, there was a time where they would 0:27:56.240 --> 0:28:00.399 have said to each other, all I need is you. 0:28:02.880 --> 0:28:04.600 But then you get with them and you. 0:28:04.600 --> 0:28:10.840 Realize, well, they're not a savior. And if I'm going 0:28:10.920 --> 0:28:12.360 to be happy in the season of my. 0:28:12.359 --> 0:28:17.720 Life, I got to choose what I magnify, what I 0:28:17.760 --> 0:28:18.359 make bigger. 0:28:18.880 --> 0:28:19.520 Write this down. 0:28:20.080 --> 0:28:25.840 What you magnify, you get more of what you magnify, 0:28:25.880 --> 0:28:30.399 you get more of focus. I'm deciding any given moment 0:28:30.560 --> 0:28:32.520 in a relationship what I'm focusing on. 0:28:32.720 --> 0:28:34.359 I was so mad at my dad. 0:28:35.440 --> 0:28:38.600 I was so mad at that man because he was impossible. 0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:43.320 In the last two years of his life, he was impossible. 0:28:43.560 --> 0:28:46.720 He wouldn't let us take care of him. So he 0:28:46.840 --> 0:28:49.640 moved away. He went to go live by himself. He 0:28:49.800 --> 0:28:51.800 was dying, but he wouldn't let my mom take care 0:28:51.840 --> 0:28:53.520 of him. He wouldn't let us take care of him. 0:28:53.520 --> 0:28:55.720 Anytime we try to put a plan together, he would 0:28:55.760 --> 0:28:58.000 just blow it up. I was so mad at him. 0:28:58.320 --> 0:29:02.200 I got to the point where my dad, anytime I 0:29:02.200 --> 0:29:03.840 would try to talk to him on the phone, we 0:29:03.880 --> 0:29:06.680 couldn't have a conversation. This went on for months. When 0:29:06.680 --> 0:29:08.520 we would get on the phone, he would go into 0:29:08.600 --> 0:29:10.960 a rage. Within two minutes. It would start here and 0:29:10.960 --> 0:29:13.560 it would quickly escalate, and I was so mad at him. 0:29:13.560 --> 0:29:16.000 I would send people that I would pay for to 0:29:16.040 --> 0:29:18.280 go and take care of him, and he would fire them. 0:29:20.400 --> 0:29:23.280 He fired four people that I sent to take care 0:29:23.320 --> 0:29:25.280 of him because he wouldn't stay here and let us 0:29:25.320 --> 0:29:27.320 take care of him. I couldn't see at the time 0:29:27.320 --> 0:29:29.360 that he wasn't responding out of his own will. He 0:29:29.400 --> 0:29:32.160 was responding out of his pain. Because when you're in 0:29:32.280 --> 0:29:37.360 something like that, you don't see the person's intentions or 0:29:37.800 --> 0:29:39.960 you don't see you don't see the place that is 0:29:40.000 --> 0:29:42.440 coming from. You only feel how it's affecting you. I 0:29:42.480 --> 0:29:44.760 was so mad at him, and I just decided, well, 0:29:44.760 --> 0:29:46.560 find if he has to die and we can't speak, 0:29:46.680 --> 0:29:48.280 I can't have somebody treat me like this. 0:29:48.640 --> 0:29:50.480 I was so mad about it, And in the middle 0:29:50.520 --> 0:29:51.000 of being. 0:29:50.880 --> 0:29:53.640 So mad about it, my father in law said something 0:29:53.640 --> 0:29:55.480 to me that made me so upset, because the last 0:29:55.480 --> 0:29:56.480 thing you want to hear when you're. 0:29:56.400 --> 0:29:58.240 Upset is something like this. 0:29:59.160 --> 0:30:07.680 He said, well, try to remember the good times. Try 0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:12.440 to remember the good times. He did a lot of things, right, Well, 0:30:12.720 --> 0:30:16.680 shut up, that's right. This is the one time you're 0:30:16.760 --> 0:30:21.840 not allowed to say amen while I'm preaching. And it 0:30:21.880 --> 0:30:26.640 was Father's Day of you know, twenty twelve, twenty thirteen. 0:30:26.960 --> 0:30:29.880 Forgive me for being imprecise on the date, but. 0:30:30.040 --> 0:30:32.120 My memory of it is. 0:30:32.080 --> 0:30:35.640 That I was driving home from vacation with the family 0:30:36.200 --> 0:30:39.520 on Father's Day, feeling bad that I couldn't do anything 0:30:39.520 --> 0:30:42.360 with my dad, and my father in law's voice in 0:30:42.400 --> 0:30:45.600 my head. He did a lot of things right. And 0:30:45.640 --> 0:30:47.840 I came to an idea, and I asked Holly if 0:30:47.880 --> 0:30:49.640 we could pull over and switch and she could drive, 0:30:49.640 --> 0:30:52.040 because we were going through the town where I grew up, 0:30:52.080 --> 0:30:55.040 where my dad was living by himself. And I had 0:30:55.080 --> 0:30:58.840 the idea right down, one memory for every year that 0:30:58.920 --> 0:31:01.760 he was your dad, and take it to the house 0:31:01.800 --> 0:31:05.920 and give it to him, one good memory from every 0:31:05.960 --> 0:31:09.800 year he was your dad. And man, I'm telling you, 0:31:09.840 --> 0:31:12.840 when I first started making that list, my pen was 0:31:12.840 --> 0:31:16.760 moving so slow. I mean, it was all I could 0:31:16.800 --> 0:31:21.080 do to get a letter on the page. I was 0:31:21.120 --> 0:31:23.560 so mad at him. I was so mad at him 0:31:23.560 --> 0:31:25.000 because all I could see is how he's treating me 0:31:25.080 --> 0:31:29.680 right now. But when I started writing, I started remembering, 0:31:31.800 --> 0:31:35.800 and so I remembered the first thing. I kind of 0:31:35.800 --> 0:31:38.240 remembered was when I played on the Pirates and he 0:31:38.360 --> 0:31:43.480 was my coach, and we sucked so bad that he 0:31:43.480 --> 0:31:45.600 wouldn't let any of us swing at the plate. He 0:31:45.640 --> 0:31:47.760 made us all bunt every time we were at back 0:31:48.360 --> 0:31:54.880 for the whole season. So I wrote that down, bunting. 0:31:55.760 --> 0:31:58.760 It was my first word. It got me started. Then 0:31:58.760 --> 0:32:03.560 I remembered about a fourteen that he couldn't find a 0:32:03.560 --> 0:32:06.200 way to connect with me because I was into music, 0:32:06.720 --> 0:32:10.560 he was into fishing. And he took me to a 0:32:10.600 --> 0:32:15.800 punk rock concert in Ladson, South Carolina. The worst music 0:32:15.840 --> 0:32:18.440 that you've ever heard in your life was played in 0:32:18.520 --> 0:32:21.920 that VW hall that day, But he he took me 0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:24.440 and sat with me, and I wrote down punk rock 0:32:24.480 --> 0:32:29.320 concert Ladson, And then I started remembering how after he 0:32:29.640 --> 0:32:30.920 gave his life to Christ. 0:32:30.760 --> 0:32:32.240 He wanted me to go to church with him. 0:32:32.440 --> 0:32:35.000 One of his customers in his barbershop had invited him 0:32:35.400 --> 0:32:37.480 to their church revival. Now this was not like a 0:32:37.520 --> 0:32:40.760 cod orange revival that's uplifting. This was like a hell 0:32:40.840 --> 0:32:47.240 fire and brimstone revival. And the preacher was preaching so 0:32:47.400 --> 0:32:49.800 hard that we went out to this little country church 0:32:50.040 --> 0:32:51.560 and me and my dad wondered what have we gotten 0:32:51.560 --> 0:32:53.400 ourselves into? And they seated us on the front row. 0:32:53.400 --> 0:32:56.560 Were there on the front row in this independent fundamentalist 0:32:56.640 --> 0:32:59.440 Baptist church, and all the women are in dresses and everything. 0:32:59.480 --> 0:33:01.680 We're in t sh and we're sitting there in the church, 0:33:01.760 --> 0:33:03.120 not knowing what we're getting ourselves into. 0:33:03.160 --> 0:33:04.520 And the preacher got so fired up. 0:33:04.560 --> 0:33:07.600 At one point this little boy stood up and he shouted. 0:33:07.800 --> 0:33:09.800 But he didn't say, Amen, praise the Lord, preach preacher. 0:33:09.840 --> 0:33:10.680 Here's what a little boy said. 0:33:10.680 --> 0:33:12.200 He said, lock the wild hog. 0:33:16.080 --> 0:33:25.239 I never heard that shout before, so I wrote down, 0:33:25.360 --> 0:33:26.560 let the wild hog ee. 0:33:28.120 --> 0:33:29.600 Mean. I knocked on the door and got the house 0:33:29.600 --> 0:33:30.280 and handed in the list. 0:33:30.360 --> 0:33:33.360 I said, here. I didn't even hug him. 0:33:33.400 --> 0:33:36.959 I was here. I made your list thirty two things. 0:33:38.720 --> 0:33:42.960 He said, how did you remember this stuff? Because you choose. 0:33:44.800 --> 0:33:50.400 What you magnify. And our story had a happy ending. 0:33:50.480 --> 0:33:52.960 You know, we reconciled, not right at that moment. At 0:33:52.960 --> 0:33:54.800 that moment, I handed him the list and walked out. 0:33:55.080 --> 0:33:57.360 We don't want to see him, but it started something. 0:33:57.400 --> 0:34:00.000 And I know reconciliation is not always possible on that life. 0:34:00.200 --> 0:34:03.120 And I'm not even saying that it's always preferable. What 0:34:03.160 --> 0:34:05.440 I am saying is that whatever you've lost, if you 0:34:05.520 --> 0:34:07.360 choose to magnify it, you're going to live in what 0:34:07.400 --> 0:34:13.719 you lost. Whatever they're doing to you right now. If 0:34:13.719 --> 0:34:15.880 you want to magnify that, you can forget the thousand 0:34:15.960 --> 0:34:18.000 nice things that they said because of the one text 0:34:18.000 --> 0:34:19.759 that they sent that said that one thing that they 0:34:19.760 --> 0:34:23.080 weren't even thinking about, and in your mind, you will 0:34:23.080 --> 0:34:24.000 begin to magnify. 0:34:24.080 --> 0:34:25.560 Man, we should use these more in. 0:34:25.640 --> 0:34:31.280 Dating because we don't look for anything any warning signs 0:34:31.320 --> 0:34:35.560 and dating we don't ask any questions about their bank account. 0:34:35.719 --> 0:34:42.200 Well they love God, yes, but do they have grocery money? Right? See, 0:34:42.400 --> 0:34:44.640 you need one of these in a dating relationship. 0:34:44.920 --> 0:34:46.360 You need to see as. 0:34:46.320 --> 0:34:51.440 Many as NX as you can see. 0:34:51.960 --> 0:34:53.720 But then you have to use it for a different purpose. 0:34:54.600 --> 0:34:56.479 In marriage. You got to use it in a close 0:34:56.600 --> 0:34:59.040 relationship where you're committed. Look, if you come to this 0:34:59.200 --> 0:35:02.880 church look for crap to get mad about. Let me 0:35:02.920 --> 0:35:05.440 save you a whole lot of time and searching out 0:35:05.520 --> 0:35:12.760 for you will find. What you look for, you will find, 0:35:13.239 --> 0:35:16.720 seek and you will find. Isn't that what Jesus said 0:35:17.600 --> 0:35:18.640 now that applies. 0:35:18.320 --> 0:35:19.640 To the good things and the bad things. 0:35:21.120 --> 0:35:22.920 And this is one thing that my wife is really 0:35:22.960 --> 0:35:25.400 good at, and I'm excited she's teaching the ladies of it. 0:35:25.560 --> 0:35:30.640 In a couple of a couple of weeks, I think 0:35:30.680 --> 0:35:33.799 they said Elevation Ladies Night dot Com. They said, I'll 0:35:33.840 --> 0:35:36.520 get to come to I'm uncom Let me see what 0:35:36.560 --> 0:35:43.200 y'all are talking about while we're not there. Any you know, 0:35:43.320 --> 0:35:48.120 in any time in a relationship that see what you magnify. 0:35:48.680 --> 0:35:50.200 And I don't know if we understand the power that 0:35:50.239 --> 0:35:52.200 we have to magnify things in other people that we 0:35:52.200 --> 0:35:54.080 can bring out of them the good stuff. 0:35:54.880 --> 0:35:56.560 I don't know if we understand the power that we have. 0:35:57.120 --> 0:35:58.840 I told you at the beginning of my sermon that 0:35:58.880 --> 0:36:02.040 I've been traveling a lot lately in preaching, and so 0:36:02.120 --> 0:36:04.839 when I do that, I always feel like I'm cheating home. 0:36:05.440 --> 0:36:06.640 No matter how much I try. 0:36:06.800 --> 0:36:08.600 I probably not doing as bad of a job as 0:36:08.640 --> 0:36:10.120 I think I am, but I tend to be really 0:36:10.120 --> 0:36:12.880 hard on myself. So wherever I'm giving, I'm feeling guilty 0:36:12.880 --> 0:36:14.920 about where I'm not giving or you like that. So 0:36:14.960 --> 0:36:17.480 it's like ezever enough, And so I'm sitting there feeling bad. 0:36:17.719 --> 0:36:20.520 And one Saturday morning, I had all my notes for 0:36:20.600 --> 0:36:23.080 the sermon that weekend spread out on the table, and 0:36:23.120 --> 0:36:25.239 I've been gone somewhere else preaching all week, so I'm 0:36:25.239 --> 0:36:27.640 feeling kind of behind and a little just a little 0:36:27.640 --> 0:36:30.200 bit distracted. The kids are all around me. They're trying 0:36:30.239 --> 0:36:33.080 to get my attention. I'm paying them no attention, and 0:36:33.120 --> 0:36:35.400 they're screaming my name, and I'm not listening and all 0:36:35.400 --> 0:36:37.080 of that. And I know I'm not listening, and I 0:36:37.160 --> 0:36:38.560 kind of don't care because I got to get this 0:36:38.600 --> 0:36:40.560 sermon ready, but I kind of feel awful about it. 0:36:40.800 --> 0:36:42.880 I'm just feeling that thing, like I'm stretched apart. And 0:36:42.880 --> 0:36:44.480 if you don't have a lot of little kids around, 0:36:44.520 --> 0:36:46.840 maybe this wouldn't apply to you. But I think everybody's 0:36:46.840 --> 0:36:48.520 felt this way at some point, just like, well, I 0:36:48.560 --> 0:36:50.720 can't give enough to anybody anywhere. 0:36:50.320 --> 0:36:53.040 And feeling really like a failure was a very mild level, 0:36:53.040 --> 0:36:55.480 but I felt it. I'm feeling up tight and all 0:36:55.560 --> 0:36:57.399 that stuff, and I need to be a good dad, 0:36:57.440 --> 0:36:58.640 but I also need to be a good pastor, and 0:36:58.640 --> 0:36:59.839 I don't know how to be both at the same time. 0:37:00.040 --> 0:37:01.640 In their feeling mother and the kids are yelling, and 0:37:01.640 --> 0:37:03.040 I'm kind of mad at them and annoyed with them. 0:37:03.080 --> 0:37:03.799 But it's not their fault. 0:37:03.800 --> 0:37:05.640 I mean, I'm the one that's been gone and they. 0:37:05.520 --> 0:37:06.760 Really just want anyway. 0:37:06.840 --> 0:37:13.360 Holly speaks up and she goes, kids, your dad is 0:37:13.400 --> 0:37:18.799 a great man. I hope when you grow up that 0:37:18.880 --> 0:37:21.000 you grow up to be a hard worker like your dad. 0:37:22.040 --> 0:37:25.960 He's been gone all week, preaching, doing what God called 0:37:26.000 --> 0:37:28.800 him to do, and providing for our family. 0:37:29.440 --> 0:37:30.200 And now look at him. 0:37:30.200 --> 0:37:32.319 He's got these notes spread all over this kitchen table. 0:37:32.480 --> 0:37:34.960 Let me tell you something. She made me feel in 0:37:35.440 --> 0:37:39.000 just one little speech, one little. 0:37:38.760 --> 0:37:46.200 Speech, she made me feel. She made me bigger. I'm 0:37:46.200 --> 0:37:48.240 telling you, ladies, you can make amend. 0:37:50.280 --> 0:37:54.520 It's bigger. You can't. You can make him stronger. 0:37:54.960 --> 0:37:58.319 You can make him bring in more groceries from the car. 0:37:59.239 --> 0:38:01.280 Just tell him how strong years I'm telling you Holly. 0:38:01.440 --> 0:38:03.080 I don't know where she learned this, but when we 0:38:03.120 --> 0:38:05.200 first got married, I was carrying in the groceries from 0:38:05.239 --> 0:38:06.680 the car one day. I don't do that anymore, That's 0:38:06.680 --> 0:38:08.839 what I kissed for. But I was carrying in. 0:38:08.760 --> 0:38:10.440 The groceries one day, and I had a. 0:38:10.360 --> 0:38:12.640 Couple of bags, you know, a couple bags bagged around 0:38:12.680 --> 0:38:12.960 my arm. 0:38:13.040 --> 0:38:13.760 Bags everywhere. 0:38:13.880 --> 0:38:15.680 I had bags coming in the house and I said, 0:38:16.360 --> 0:38:18.480 I'm coming in the house and Holly. 0:38:18.160 --> 0:38:21.879 Said, Holly said, how do you do that? I said, well, 0:38:21.880 --> 0:38:23.400 it's easy. You know, it's easy for me. 0:38:23.520 --> 0:38:28.680 So I started curling the grocery bags. I grabbed a couple. 0:38:28.840 --> 0:38:31.319 I put a grocery bag in my teeth. I put 0:38:31.320 --> 0:38:36.720 one around my neck. Why because she magnified something so small, 0:38:38.239 --> 0:38:39.920 and you magnified the little. 0:38:39.600 --> 0:38:41.720 Thing and it gets bigger. 0:38:43.360 --> 0:38:46.440 You magnify what you don't have, and it gets bigger 0:38:46.440 --> 0:38:47.960 in your mind until all you can see is what 0:38:48.000 --> 0:38:51.880 you don't have. You magnify what they're not, or do 0:38:51.920 --> 0:38:58.239 you magnify what they've got? See? I think this makes 0:38:58.280 --> 0:39:03.480 all the difference. Are you coming back next week to me? 0:39:03.840 --> 0:39:04.479 This is good? 0:39:05.520 --> 0:39:07.439 Are you going to bring somebody with you next week 0:39:07.480 --> 0:39:13.040 who needs to hear this? That was less enthusiastic. I 0:39:13.080 --> 0:39:15.160 know they will at rock Hill campus. They bring a 0:39:15.160 --> 0:39:18.680 lot of people at rock Hill. So what is your focus? 0:39:19.200 --> 0:39:21.319 Jesus said, You can look at the spec you can. 0:39:21.200 --> 0:39:21.719 Look at the plank. 0:39:21.760 --> 0:39:24.320 It's interesting to me because, knowing very little about carpentry, 0:39:24.360 --> 0:39:26.759 I do realize that the sawdust comes from the same 0:39:26.760 --> 0:39:31.160 material that the plank is made of. Usually, when I 0:39:31.239 --> 0:39:34.840 see something in someone else that makes me angry offended, 0:39:35.600 --> 0:39:44.200 it's because it represents something that's in me. So I 0:39:44.239 --> 0:39:46.920 told you there were two tools in there are when 0:39:47.000 --> 0:39:51.040 it comes to the relationships that matter the most, and 0:39:51.080 --> 0:39:52.719 when it comes to the things that offend us and 0:39:52.840 --> 0:39:57.160 other people. Because everybody has issues and most of us 0:39:57.160 --> 0:40:03.480 have a subscription. You know what a great dating conversation 0:40:03.600 --> 0:40:06.560 would be what kind of crazy are you? 0:40:10.280 --> 0:40:11.320 Because I can't tell. 0:40:11.160 --> 0:40:13.120 From this distance, but if I get close to you, 0:40:15.560 --> 0:40:17.880 but you know all these issues, you got to decide. 0:40:17.960 --> 0:40:25.440 Am I going to focus on theirs or mine? Because 0:40:25.480 --> 0:40:27.439 I think the key to this thing of loving the Lord, 0:40:27.520 --> 0:40:29.560 our God with all our heart, with all our soul, 0:40:29.560 --> 0:40:31.319 with all our mind, and with all our strength, and 0:40:31.360 --> 0:40:32.960 loving our neighbor as ourselves. 0:40:33.239 --> 0:40:42.279 Sometimes you got to put down this and pick up this. 0:40:45.280 --> 0:40:51.440 And just ask God, So, Lord, what is it that 0:40:51.480 --> 0:40:55.160 you're trying to teach me, or what is it that 0:40:55.239 --> 0:40:55.920 I can change? 0:40:55.920 --> 0:40:57.359 Because I tried. 0:40:57.160 --> 0:41:01.680 Changing Charlie and Charlie won't change. So here I am Lord, 0:41:02.719 --> 0:41:05.839 And in the words of the King of pop if 0:41:05.880 --> 0:41:10.480 you want to make the world a better place where 0:41:10.480 --> 0:41:11.360 you're going to start. 0:41:11.840 --> 0:41:14.640 Sometimes you've got to start with your own self. 0:41:14.800 --> 0:41:17.480 And God says, you can't even help the people that 0:41:17.600 --> 0:41:22.880 you love when you're infected with the very issue that 0:41:22.920 --> 0:41:23.880 you're trying to solve. 0:41:25.719 --> 0:41:28.280 So it's loved the Lord your. 0:41:28.120 --> 0:41:31.920 God, that's one half, But it's also loved your neighbor 0:41:32.080 --> 0:41:32.760 as yourself. 0:41:32.800 --> 0:41:33.680 That's the other half. 0:41:34.920 --> 0:41:37.920 You can't have this half right and not have this 0:41:38.000 --> 0:41:43.960 half right. You can't treat people like garbage and worship 0:41:44.040 --> 0:41:49.399 God at the same time. You can't get this right though. 0:41:49.480 --> 0:41:53.080 Until you get this right, you can't treat people well 0:41:53.160 --> 0:41:55.080 if you don't know God loves you, and you can't 0:41:55.120 --> 0:42:01.400 love God until you have received his love freely. And 0:42:01.440 --> 0:42:05.200 that's what makes it across. That's what makes it across. 0:42:05.280 --> 0:42:09.759 That's what makes it complete, is that it's this and 0:42:09.920 --> 0:42:14.319 it's this. One thing I never noticed, though, is that 0:42:16.080 --> 0:42:17.960 Jesus said you'd love the Lord your God with all 0:42:18.000 --> 0:42:20.319 your heart, soul, mind, strength. We go around trying to 0:42:20.360 --> 0:42:24.880 love people and we're not even whole within ourselves. But 0:42:24.960 --> 0:42:28.320 the other thing is that he said love your neighbor 0:42:28.360 --> 0:42:30.720 as yourself. Now, I've always known that that was a command, 0:42:30.719 --> 0:42:35.040 but it's also just an observation that the way you 0:42:35.280 --> 0:42:43.320 love your neighbor is the way you love yourself. If 0:42:43.400 --> 0:42:46.600 you haven't received God's acceptance of you, you won't be 0:42:46.680 --> 0:42:50.000 able to accept anybody else as they are because you 0:42:50.040 --> 0:42:55.920 don't even love yourself. And so a lot of times 0:42:55.920 --> 0:42:56.680 it starts there. 0:42:56.719 --> 0:42:58.000 It starts with saying. 0:42:58.680 --> 0:43:03.640 God, I can't go into these relationships anymore half. 0:43:03.480 --> 0:43:06.240 Empty and needing people. Sometimes I'm so needy. 0:43:06.280 --> 0:43:08.239 I was asking God the other day to help me 0:43:08.320 --> 0:43:10.520 not be so hard on others, and God said, well, first, 0:43:10.520 --> 0:43:12.239 you're going to have to not be so hard on you, 0:43:14.400 --> 0:43:20.319 because what starts here, flows here, flows here, flows here, 0:43:22.440 --> 0:43:27.640 flows here. And I just wanted to begin this series 0:43:27.680 --> 0:43:32.200 today asking you where is your focus? Because if another 0:43:32.239 --> 0:43:34.120 person is at the center of your focus and they're 0:43:34.160 --> 0:43:36.760 responsible for the fulfillment of your joy, you're. 0:43:36.640 --> 0:43:38.200 Going to always be miserable. 0:43:40.360 --> 0:43:43.160 If you're trying to do God's job in fixing somebody 0:43:43.160 --> 0:43:46.000 else and you have a focus on what they need 0:43:46.000 --> 0:43:53.319 to become. Let me tell you something, there is no 0:43:53.960 --> 0:44:00.160 worse strategy for your own personal satisfaction in life to 0:44:00.200 --> 0:44:09.480 place that responsibility in someone else's hands. So for all 0:44:09.520 --> 0:44:11.600 of us who have been saying, you know, I need 0:44:11.640 --> 0:44:14.200 someone to complete me, or I need you to complete me, 0:44:14.360 --> 0:44:16.840 or I need this. The message I think God has 0:44:16.880 --> 0:44:18.440 for us today. 0:44:18.400 --> 0:44:20.160 Is give me my job back. 0:44:22.120 --> 0:44:25.320 I'm a good God, I'm a good father. 0:44:26.280 --> 0:44:27.480 I know what you need. 0:44:28.320 --> 0:44:30.759 And here's the difference between God and everybody else in 0:44:30.760 --> 0:44:31.320 your life. 0:44:31.760 --> 0:44:33.000 Not only does he know what. 0:44:32.920 --> 0:44:36.440 You need, he has what you need and he's the 0:44:36.480 --> 0:44:38.080 only one who has what you need. 0:44:40.040 --> 0:44:41.160 I want you to stand up on. 0:44:41.120 --> 0:44:43.120 Your feet at every location I want to pray for you. 0:44:43.640 --> 0:44:45.719 We're gonna get into this over the next several weeks. 0:44:45.719 --> 0:44:47.880 We're gonna get into this. We're gonna get into it 0:44:48.000 --> 0:44:50.120 so deep that there's gonna be healing that's gonna happen 0:44:50.120 --> 0:44:52.200 in your heart. God is gonna open he said, if 0:44:52.239 --> 0:44:54.600 you would knock, the door would be open. If you 0:44:54.640 --> 0:45:00.600 would seek, you would find where is your focus. Let's 0:45:00.640 --> 0:45:02.400 take a moment before we rush out of here and 0:45:02.400 --> 0:45:03.960 hank it people in the parking lot. 0:45:03.960 --> 0:45:07.320 After we worship God, let's close our eyes. 0:45:07.120 --> 0:45:08.399 And just lift our hands to Heaven. 0:45:08.440 --> 0:45:09.000 Would you do that? 0:45:09.080 --> 0:45:10.719 Some of you never done that before. Just go ahead 0:45:10.719 --> 0:45:12.120 and do it right now. Just lift your hands to 0:45:12.160 --> 0:45:16.520 your Father. And I want you to just begin to 0:45:16.640 --> 0:45:20.600 magnify the Lord and all of the good things that 0:45:20.640 --> 0:45:23.160 He's placed in your life. Some of you are lonely today, 0:45:23.200 --> 0:45:25.640 and I understand, and God understands. 0:45:25.719 --> 0:45:28.200 And it's okay to be lonely. It's okay. 0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:30.640 It's a part of the human experience. Jesus went through 0:45:31.080 --> 0:45:33.960 a loneliness so severe that he prayed that the cup would. 0:45:33.719 --> 0:45:34.560 Be passed from him. 0:45:34.680 --> 0:45:36.560 The ones who should have been there for him abandoned 0:45:36.640 --> 0:45:37.600 him in his hour of need. 0:45:37.880 --> 0:45:39.640 He knew what it was like to be lonely. He 0:45:39.719 --> 0:45:41.560 knows what it's like to be lonely, and. 0:45:41.520 --> 0:45:43.239 He wants to stand up on the inside of you 0:45:43.360 --> 0:45:45.560 right now and remind you that He is your completion, 0:45:45.680 --> 0:45:49.880 your satisfaction, and your fulfillment. Father, I thank you today 0:45:49.880 --> 0:45:51.839 for every person that you brought to church. I thank 0:45:51.840 --> 0:45:54.160 you for the work you're doing in our lives. I 0:45:54.200 --> 0:45:56.880 thank you that we are full and complete in Jesus Christ. 0:45:56.880 --> 0:45:59.440 That we have all that we need in Him, That 0:45:59.640 --> 0:46:02.120 all that we need is in Him. That all that 0:46:02.160 --> 0:46:04.760 we need to be good husbands, to be good wives, 0:46:04.800 --> 0:46:06.880 all that we need to fulfill your purpose in a 0:46:06.920 --> 0:46:10.040 season of singleness, all that we need to be good parents. 0:46:10.080 --> 0:46:12.080 All that we need to forgive people that we need 0:46:12.120 --> 0:46:14.480 to forgive, all that we need is in you. And 0:46:14.520 --> 0:46:17.000 so our focus now is not on what we're not, 0:46:17.360 --> 0:46:18.160 but who you are. 0:46:18.480 --> 0:46:20.520 We thank you God. Let's look at and clap. 0:46:20.320 --> 0:46:23.680 Our hands for the awesome God that you are, for 0:46:23.840 --> 0:46:27.200 the amazing God that you are, for the strong God 0:46:27.280 --> 0:46:30.319 that you are, or the capable God that you are. 0:46:30.640 --> 0:46:31.680 Come on and praise him. 0:46:32.040 --> 0:46:35.680 When you praise him, when you magnify him, he releases 0:46:36.000 --> 0:46:43.239 bless us and you. Thank you. Thank you for joining us. 0:46:43.520 --> 0:46:45.960 Special thanks to those of you who give generously to 0:46:46.040 --> 0:46:49.520 this ministry. Is because of you that this ministry is possible. 0:46:50.000 --> 0:46:52.200 You can click the link in the description to give 0:46:52.280 --> 0:46:56.200 now or visit Elevation Church dot org slash podcast for 0:46:56.280 --> 0:47:00.320 more information and if you enjoyed the podcast, you can subscribe. 0:47:00.520 --> 0:47:01.840 You can share it with your friends. 0:47:02.120 --> 0:47:04.400 You can click the share button, take a screenshot and 0:47:04.480 --> 0:47:06.560 share it on your social stories and tag us at 0:47:06.600 --> 0:47:07.480 Elevation Church. 0:47:07.520 --> 0:47:08.520 Thanks again for listening. 0:47:08.560 --> 0:47:14.160 God, bless you