Breaking Control

0:00:01.120 --> 0:00:02.880 Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:05.960 Thanks for listening to our podcast and thanks for supporting 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:08.880 the ministry. If you enjoy today's message, why don't you 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:11.080 be a blessing and share it with a friend. We 0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:14.520 appreciate you and pray for God's very best in your life. 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:15.960 God bless you. 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:18.720 It's great to be with you today, and I hope 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.279 you stay connected with us during the week through our 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:25.440 daily podcast, our YouTube channel, social media, and you can 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.040 come visit us in person. We'd love to have you 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:30.520 be a part of one of our services. And I'd 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:32.800 like to start with something funny. I heard about these 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:35.920 three sons that left home and went out and prospered. 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:38.960 They got back together to talk about the gifts they'd 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:42.600 gotten their elderly mother. The first son said, I built 0:00:42.600 --> 0:00:45.760 mom a big house. The second son said, I bought 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:49.200 her a fancy car. The third one said, since mom 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.360 loves to read the Bible but can barely see, I 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:55.400 got her a specially trained parent that can quote the 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:56.240 entire Bible. 0:00:56.840 --> 0:00:58.800 A few weeks later, they received a letter. 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.120 From their mother said, Milton, the house you built me 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:03.560 is way too big. Gerald, the car you got me 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:06.959 is way too small. But my dearest Donald, your simple 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:08.400 gift is my favorite. 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:12.520 The chicken was delicious. You say it like you mean it. 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:15.720 This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:17.520 I have what it says I have. 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:20.759 I can do what it says I can do. Today 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:24.280 I will be talked the word of God. I boldly confess. 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:28.280 My mind is alert, my heart is receptive. I will 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:32.200 never be the same. In Jesus' name, God bless you. 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.360 I want to talk to you today about breaking control. 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:39.679 It's easy to go through life doing things out of 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:40.880 guilt and pressure. 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:44.240 A relative will get upset if we don't show up 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:45.280 every time they want. 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:48.880 A friend expects us to meet every demand or they'll 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:53.560 get their feelings hurt. People use control and manipulation to 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:56.720 get their way, and it doesn't mean they're a bad person. 0:01:57.160 --> 0:01:58.920 Sometimes they don't even know they're doing it. 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:02.600 They expect us to perform and be there every time 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:06.000 they call. Put our life on hold and make sure 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:08.880 that they're taken care of. If not, they get sour, 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:11.399 try to make you feel guilty, why. 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:11.880 Weren't you here? 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:15.640 And if we're not careful, we'll take on this false 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:18.160 sense of responsibility. 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:20.000 Thinking that it's our job to keep them fixed. 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:23.079 We have to keep them happy, keep them in courage, 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:24.400 keep them entertained. 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:25.639 But here's the key. 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:30.079 You are not responsible for other people's happiness. You are 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:34.840 responsible for your own happiness. Take that pressure off. Some 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.440 people don't want to be happy. They won't deal with 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:41.359 their issues, they won't forgive, they won't keep a good attitude. 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:45.040 It's much easier for them to rely on you. If 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:48.600 you continue giving in, you'll not only not have the 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:52.840 time and energy for your dreams, but you're enabling their dysfunction. 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:56.480 As long as they have you, they don't have to change. 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:58.280 You have to set some boundaries. 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.720 You can be nice, you can be loving, but you 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:04.840 have to be strong enough to say no. I can't 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:06.440 come running every time you call. 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:07.320 No. 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:09.760 I'm not gonna let you dump all your problems on 0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:11.680 me and expect me to solve them. 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:13.320 Here's the biggest one. 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:16.240 I'm not gonna feel guilty if I can't meet all 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:20.160 your demands. Not gonna live down on myself because I. 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:22.160 Can't perform up to your standards. 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:26.880 Without healthy boundaries, we won't have healthy relationships. 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.120 Well, Joel, what if they get their feelings hurt? What 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:31.480 if you miss your destiny. 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:35.040 What if they get upset and don't speak to me anymore? 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:36.640 God just answered your prayer. 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:42.200 Say thank you Jesus. Seriously, life is too short to go. 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:45.960 Through it being controlled, doing things out of guilt, thinking 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:48.360 if we don't, we'll fall out of their good grace. 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:53.600 That's not a friendship. That's manipulation. They're not interested in you, 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:56.960 They're interested in what you can do for them. A 0:03:57.080 --> 0:04:00.600 true friend doesn't get upset when you say no. They 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:03.440 don't try to pressure you and make you feel guilty, so. 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:04.360 You do what they want. 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:08.760 When my father passed and I stept the minister, some 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:11.720 of our pastor friends asked me to come speak for them. 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:14.880 I was just learning how to minister, who was taking 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:15.920 all my time and. 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:17.680 Energy to speak here on the weekends. 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.480 Plus we had a three month old baby in I 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:22.960 told them that I was honored, but wasn't able to 0:04:23.040 --> 0:04:23.599 at the time. 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:26.919 They all understood except this one man. 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:30.520 He reminded me how he had supported my father, and 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:33.599 how it had always been to our conferences, and how 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:34.680 loyal he had been. 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:38.240 Seems like I could make an exception all this pressure, 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:42.719 this guilt. I felt bad about it for about twenty. 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:46.560 Seconds but I also realized that wasn't a friend, that 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:47.520 was a controller. 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:51.080 He didn't care about me. He cared about how it could. 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:54.479 Help him, And just as strong as he was to me, 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:58.200 I was that strong going back to him. If you're 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:01.520 being controlled, it's not the the other person's fault, it's 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:02.080 your fault. 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:04.160 You have to put your foot. 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:06.600 Down and say I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna jump 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:09.320 every time you call, not gonna be able to meet 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:10.679 all of your demands. 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.400 He got upset. He didn't understand. 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:17.320 But instead of letting them make you unhappy, why don't 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:20.320 you let them be unhappy If they can't. 0:05:20.120 --> 0:05:22.120 Handle it, that's not your problem. 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:26.159 Don't take on that false sense of responsibility thinking you 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:30.800 have to please everyone, rescue everyone, keep them encourage. You're 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:34.599 not their savior. We already have a savior. All that's 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:37.400 gonna do is wear you out. Take the pressure off. 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:42.240 Be respectful, be nice, but be firm. Learn to say no, 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:45.800 I can't do that. Quit letting people call you all 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:48.640 hours of the night and day and get your stirred 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:51.480 up and expect you to solve all their problems. 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:55.560 You have enough problems next time they call. That's why 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:56.920 God created voicemail. 0:05:57.960 --> 0:06:00.840 If they can't get you a few times, maybe they'll 0:06:00.839 --> 0:06:04.279 go to God, maybe they'll start dealing with issues, maybe 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:07.760 they'll recognize you're not the savior. But as long as 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:11.320 you come running every time, you'll become a crutch. That's 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:15.839 a codependent relationship. They'll go their whole life depending on you, 0:06:16.400 --> 0:06:19.080 and that's not only going to limit your potential, but 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:22.760 it's keeping them from getting whole and stepping up to 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.799 who they were created to be. Do them a favor 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:29.440 and break free from that control. I talked to a 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:32.520 lady that was raised in a very negative environment. 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:34.599 From the time she was a little girl. 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:38.320 Her mother was always blaming her for everything that went wrong. 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:41.919 Anytime she'd have a bad day or some kind of setback, 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:45.200 it was always this girl's fault. She grew up with 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:49.000 this guilt and shame, feeling like she was responsible to 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:49.560 keep her. 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:53.159 Mother happy in fix her problems. And this mother was 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:56.880 harsh and abusive. She had issues she hadn't dealt with. 0:06:57.760 --> 0:07:02.560 When people are hurting, when they have bitterness, anger, and insecurity, 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:06.320 often that pain comes out like poison on others. 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:10.120 Doesn't have anything to do with you. Wasn't your fault? 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:13.360 It's just pain they have bottled up that's being released. 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:17.040 They haven't dealt with it properly. She would tell her 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:20.560 daughter how she wasn't gonna amount to anything, and how 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:23.880 unattractive she was, and how she was the reason they 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:25.240 had so many problems. 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:29.960 She used all this guilt, shame, and fear to control 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:32.440 her daughter. Well now the daughter is. 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:36.360 A grown woman in her forties, but nothing has changed. 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:40.200 The mother still calls and beerates her, tells her about 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.440 her problems, puts all these demands on her. You need 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:46.240 to pay these bills, take me to the store, fix 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:47.520 this problem at the house. 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:52.360 Forty years later, this daughter is still being controlled. She 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:55.840 didn't know any better. She lived her whole life. 0:07:55.560 --> 0:08:00.560 With this controlling spirit, feeling responsible to try to help her. 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:04.000 But some people don't want to get help. They like 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:05.840 the attention that it brings them. 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:09.640 They'll use it to manipulate and make you feel guilty 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:10.960 where they can control you. 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:12.720 Don't take that bait. 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:18.120 Be respectful, but you're not responsible for their happiness. And 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:21.880 this daughter was so distraught and so confused, she thought 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:25.160 maybe I am a bad person. She asked her husband, 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:28.600 why did I cause all these problems? Was affecting her 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:32.880 mental health and her reasoning. The enemy loves to use 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:36.200 all that guilt and shame to try to destroy your 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:39.720 self worth and your sense of value, make you feel 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:42.800 like you're the one to blame. Don't believe those lies. 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:45.680 There is nothing wrong with you. You are made in 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:51.199 the image of God. You are a masterpiece, healthy, whole, beautiful, talented, 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:55.240 one of a kind. One day, this daughter heard what 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:58.079 we were talking about, how you're not supposed to live 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:01.840 controlled by people, and it's not your responsibility to keep 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:04.840 everyone happy, and how you have to put up boundaries 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:07.640 to keep yourself healthy and whome. 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:10.280 She decided to make a change. 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:13.560 She told her mother that she loved her, but that 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:15.400 she couldn't meet all those demands. 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:17.600 She was going to care for her, but. 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:19.760 She wasn't going to be able to do all she 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:22.760 had done in the past. The mother got upset and 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.199 went off on her, told her what a terrible daughter 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:29.640 she was. Again, tried to guild her and shame her. 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:32.959 This time, the daughter let it go in one ear 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:36.520 and out the other. She had spent years listening to 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:39.640 how bad she was, how it was her fault, how 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:43.240 she wasn't attractive. You have to come to that point 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:46.600 where you say enough is enough. I am breaking free 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.760 from this bondage, from these. 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:50.320 Lies, from this dysfunction. 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:54.200 You are not supposed to be a doormat for people 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.559 to walk all over control you. 0:09:56.960 --> 0:09:59.800 To mean you make you feel like you're not good enough. 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:04.960 God didn't create you to be in a toxic relationship, berated, 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:10.480 look down on, abused, manipulated. They may not change, they 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.280 like having you as their pond. You have to be 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:16.840 the one to change. You have to rise up. That's 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:19.640 why God has you hearing this today. It's a day 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:23.600 of freedom, a day of breakthrough, a day where those controlling, 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:28.800 manipulating spirits are being broken. That door is open, but 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:31.560 you have to walk out of it. That's what this 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:34.719 daughter did. She told me how she felt all this 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:38.800 pressure lift off of her, all this heaviness. She said, 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:41.800 I have not felt this kind of freedom, this kind 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:45.800 of peace my whole life. What's interesting is the mother 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:50.520 is still the same angry, bitter, upset, blaming her daughter. 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:54.760 But this daughter is enjoying her life. Are you trying 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:57.400 to keep someone happy that is never going to be happy. 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.200 You have this false sense of response ability that you 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:04.320 have to sacrifice your happiness in order to fix this 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:06.960 other person, take that pressure off. 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:08.480 That's not your job. 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:12.480 Your first priority is to take care of you, keep 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:17.160 yourself healthy, whole and free. And this is especially hard 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:20.360 when it's someone close to you, someone you love, a 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:21.800 family member, a relative. 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:25.360 Always be kind, but you have to be strong. 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.640 If this daughter had not made a change, she would 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:34.040 have gone another twenty years depressed, overwhelmed, guilty, feeling wrong 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:39.240 on the inside, all because someone was putting unrealistic demands 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:42.559 on her. And if you're going to break a controlling spirit, 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:45.720 you're going to have to be determined because when you 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:49.640 don't do what you've been doing, what they expect, they'll 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:53.679 have a fit, get upset, try to shame you. Tell 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:55.760 you all they've done for you, how could you not 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:57.000 be there for them? 0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:58.400 Don't buy into that. 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.800 You have a destiny to fore, God has given you 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:07.840 an assignment. The enemy will use control, manipulation, guilt, shame, 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:09.720 try to keep you from your purpose. 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:11.960 It's time to break free. 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.360 You have to put your foot down and say I 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:16.880 love you, but I'm not gonna let you control me. 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:20.640 I love you, but I'm not going to sacrifice my 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:25.280 happiness to try to keep you happy. That's not being selfish, 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:29.040 that's being responsible with the gift God has given you. 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.800 He didn't create you to be controlled. Yes, help others, 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:35.920 of course. Be good to people, but don't let them 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:39.640 control you. If they want to accept you, unless you 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:42.640 perform up to their standards, meet all. 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:44.440 Their expectations, no big deal. 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:47.520 Move on and God will give you some real friends. 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:51.280 That's not a friend, that's a manipulator. You don't need 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:54.720 them for your destiny. The sooner you move forward, the 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:58.520 better you'll be. Don't waste time trying to play up 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:02.800 to people over If you do good enough, they'll let 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:03.680 you in their group. 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:07.320 They'll approve you. No, if they don't recognize the gift 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:10.800 that you are, you need to go somewhere else. You 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.920 don't have to convince people what you have to offer. 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:18.080 Work hard enough, hoping they'll like you, maybe they'll show 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:18.679 you favor. 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:20.880 That's letting them control you. 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:24.880 God has people He's already lined up for you that 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:28.760 will celebrate you, approve you, think that you're awesome. 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:32.480 But until you get rid of the wrong people, you'll 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:33.640 never meet the right people. 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:37.079 Until you get rid of those jerks, I mean, those controllers, 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:41.440 you will never meet the divine connections. If you're being 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:46.360 controlled and manipulated, that's taking your valuable time and energy. 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:49.760 You need to do like this daughter, Recognize what's happening, 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:54.040 make a change, break that controlling spirit. Don't go the 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.400 next twenty years letting that take your joy, keep you 0:13:57.440 --> 0:14:00.240 from the amazing future that God has for you you. 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:03.200 This is what David had to do in the scripture. 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:05.360 His brothers were jealous of him. 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:07.479 They could sense the favor. 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:09.920 On his life, and when he took lunch out to 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:12.400 them when they were on the battlefield, one of his 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:16.040 brothers belittled him, questioned his motives. 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:18.600 What are you doing out here, David? Just trying to 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:19.160 show off? 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:22.320 What have you done with those few sheep you're supposed 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:23.320 to be taken care of. 0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:27.120 They were trying to keep David in their box. 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:31.960 Make them into who they wanted him to be, small, insignificant, ordinary. 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:35.480 David could have tried to play up to them, thought, 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.120 I have to win them over, get them to like me, 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:42.840 do whatever they want, meet all their demands. If he 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:46.200 would have let them control him, then worried about what 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:49.680 they thought, will they accept me? Will I find their 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:54.000 good grace? He would have never fulfilled his purpose. David 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:58.240 had a boundary up. His attitude was, they don't dictate 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:01.960 my self worth, don't need their approval to feel good. 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:02.720 About who I am. 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:06.040 I'm want to run my race, focus on my goals. 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:10.400 Whether they like me or not does not determine my destiny. 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:11.320 He didn't come. 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:15.200 Under that spirit of control and manipulation. He could have 0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:17.680 felt guilty, I'm sure of thoughts were whispering. 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:20.760 Come on, David, this is your family. You should do 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.680 what they ask. You need to make sure they accept you. 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:27.640 But just because someone is kin to you doesn't mean 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:32.280 they're connected to you. Sometimes people closest to you can't 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:34.920 see what God put on your life. They want to 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:38.240 accept the favor, the blessing. They'll get jealous, try to 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:41.360 be little of you, leave you out. It's tempting to 0:15:41.400 --> 0:15:43.960 want to prove to them who we are. Spend our 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:46.800 time and energy trying to convince them to like us. 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:50.520 If you fall into that trap, you'll end up being 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:53.600 controlled and manipulated by what they want. 0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:57.760 You have to do. Like David, be at peace with 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.000 who's not at peace with you. 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:03.880 Be okay with who doesn't accept you if you needed 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:05.120 them for your destiny. 0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:06.520 They would be for you. 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:10.560 Take the high road, be kind, but don't spend your 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:14.600 energy trying to convince them who you are. Years ago, 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:17.600 there was this man I knew from school and we 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:20.440 had the same group of friends, and anytime he had 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:24.119 a problem, something dealing with the relationship, he would. 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:26.720 Look to me to correct it. Every couple of weeks 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:27.680 I would get a text. 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:31.560 It was always in an emergency. This has happened, it's 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:34.440 not right. I'm upset, and you need to figure it out. 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:39.360 And for some reason, I took this responsibility to become 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:44.920 his personal problem solver. I'm nice, my personality is a peacemaker. 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:47.720 I want to keep everyone happy. So I'd drop what 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:49.960 I was doing and go to work. I got to 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:53.640 fix this and straighten out this and convince this person. 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:56.760 I'd get one thing solved, and a week later he 0:16:56.880 --> 0:17:00.560 called back more upset. So and So said this, if 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:03.160 this happens again, I'm gonna do this, and thought, oh man, 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.480 this is bad. I got to get right on this. 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:09.040 I lived on the edge, just waiting for the next text, 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:12.639 the next crisis. Get one thing worked out, but it 0:17:12.680 --> 0:17:15.840 would never be enough. It was always something he was 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:19.000 unhappy about when I would see his name come up 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:21.920 on my phone a text to call, my heart would 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:23.320 think I dreaded it. 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:25.159 This went on for two years. 0:17:26.240 --> 0:17:30.320 Be aware of how maintenance people high maintenance people are 0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:35.800 almost always controllers, always having an emergency. They blow everything 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.000 out of proportion, create all this drama. 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:41.600 If you don't have a boundary up, they'll pull you 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:43.280 into that drama. 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:47.040 All that is is a distraction from your purpose. You're 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:50.480 carrying all this weight and pressure, trying to fix things 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.080 that don't have anything to do with you, trying to 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:56.720 pease someone that doesn't have your best interest at heart. 0:17:57.400 --> 0:17:58.040 One day I. 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:01.800 Realized what I'm telling you, that that was a controlling spirit. 0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:05.080 I was doing it out of guilt. I can't let 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:07.080 him down. What will he think? 0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:10.000 He may get upset, he may not be my friend, 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:14.239 all this pressure, trying to keep him happy, and at 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:18.760 the same time I wasn't happy. I was sacrificing my joy, 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:23.479 my peace, my emotional well being to please him. I 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:26.440 did what I'm asking you to do. The next time 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:29.919 he called, I was respectful, but I said, I'm so sorry, 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:31.760 but I can't help you this time. 0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:33.440 My plate is full. 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:36.480 I have commitments, you're gonna have to work this out. 0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:39.920 You would have thought I took his wife and children. 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:44.280 He got upset, angry, told me how I wasn't a 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:47.320 friend and how could I let him down. The funny 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:49.480 thing is that didn't bother me at all. 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:53.639 I thought i'd feel bad, wrong, be so hard, but 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:57.119 it was just the opposite. I felt peace, I felt joy, 0:18:57.359 --> 0:18:58.280 I felt relieved. 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:00.320 I hung up the phone, went and play maid with 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:04.120 my children, laugh with Victoria, had fun time with my family. 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:08.520 Instead of me being unhappy, I decided to let him 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:12.320 be unhappy. Maybe it's time for you to be happy 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:15.320 and let that other person be unhappy. 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:17.440 You cannot keep everyone fixed. 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:22.080 Don't be guilted into that false sense of responsibility. 0:19:22.440 --> 0:19:24.600 I'm not saying to not help others. 0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:28.960 Be kind, be giving, but don't live under a controlling spirit. 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:33.200 People will take as much as you allow. He tried 0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:35.720 to guilt me, shame me, not loryal, not a friend. 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:39.080 I knew the only way to break that controlling spirit 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:42.560 was to be strong. I quit responding to his text. 0:19:43.200 --> 0:19:45.800 I didn't answer the phone. For me to do that, 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:48.800 that was a miracle, But if I had not done it, 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:49.560 I'd still be. 0:19:49.520 --> 0:19:50.240 Dealing with it. 0:19:51.160 --> 0:19:54.240 There are controlling spirits that want to keep you from 0:19:54.240 --> 0:19:58.000 your purpose to where you waste your valuable time on 0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:01.040 things that are not a part of your destiny, trying 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:05.320 to keep someone happy, letting, guilt and manipulation keep you 0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:06.600 where you're not supposed to be. 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:10.480 Why don't you break free those things that you don't 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:13.480 feel good about? Ask yourself, why are you doing it? 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:14.199 Is it guilt? 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:17.199 What are they going to think? They expect me to 0:20:17.240 --> 0:20:20.120 do it? I hope to win their favor. Those are 0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:25.480 all signs of control and manipulation. Genesis chapter twelve. God 0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:29.399 told Abraham to leave his relatives, leave his father's house, 0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:31.639 and go to a land that he would show him. 0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:34.000 God promised he would bless him in a great way. 0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:38.399 Abraham left. He was being obedient, but he took his 0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:41.720 nephew Lot in all of his family and his herds. 0:20:42.200 --> 0:20:45.120 God just specifically told him to leave his relatives. 0:20:45.720 --> 0:20:49.439 I can imagine Abraham thought, I can't lead Lot. He 0:20:49.520 --> 0:20:52.040 may get his feelings hurt, he may not understand. 0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:56.920 He felt responsible to keep Lot happy, take care of 0:20:57.000 --> 0:20:58.400 his family, make sure. 0:20:58.200 --> 0:20:58.919 They were okay. 0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:03.440 Had good intentions, but it wasn't what God called him 0:21:03.440 --> 0:21:08.280 to do. Sometimes, like Abraham, we're doing things because we're 0:21:08.320 --> 0:21:09.000 good hearted. 0:21:09.760 --> 0:21:11.280 We want to help this relative. 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:13.680 We need to put our dream on hold to take 0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:17.920 care of this friend, this coworker struggling. So we sacrifice 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:21.320 our goals to be good to someone else. But your 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:25.760 dream has an expiration day. Your assignment isn't going to 0:21:25.840 --> 0:21:29.840 last forever. There are windows of opportunities that God presents 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:30.320 us with. 0:21:31.040 --> 0:21:33.280 It is not selfish to run your race. 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:38.159 You can't help everyone. You can't fix every problem. You 0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:41.960 can't keep all your family and friends happy. We should 0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:44.639 always be good to people, but you have to know 0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:49.720 your assignment so you don't get distracted taking responsibility for 0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:54.199 something that you're not responsible for. Abraham and Law arrived 0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:55.200 at their new property. 0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:58.120 It was beautiful. They were excited. 0:21:58.640 --> 0:22:02.120 The problem was with all their flocks and all their herds, 0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:06.160 the land wasn't big enough to sustain them. Both their 0:22:06.160 --> 0:22:10.440 shepherds started arguing. There were strife and contention. This big 0:22:10.520 --> 0:22:14.679 mess could have all been avoided if Abraham would have 0:22:14.760 --> 0:22:18.320 left who God told him to leave. When we hang 0:22:18.400 --> 0:22:21.320 on to things that God tells us to leave, it 0:22:21.400 --> 0:22:25.960 always causes problems, and sometimes we won't walk away from 0:22:25.960 --> 0:22:28.400 a relationship, even though we know it's not. 0:22:28.400 --> 0:22:29.480 Good for us. 0:22:29.760 --> 0:22:32.919 We know we're being controlled, We know they're not treating 0:22:33.000 --> 0:22:36.040 us with respect, they don't value who we are, but 0:22:36.320 --> 0:22:40.080 we keep thinking we'll change their mind. The longer you stay, 0:22:40.320 --> 0:22:43.480 the more difficult it's going to be, the more struggle, 0:22:43.600 --> 0:22:44.560 the more frustration. 0:22:45.520 --> 0:22:46.760 When we hang on the Lot. 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:50.760 The problem is there's no blessing on what God told 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:54.120 us to leave. There's no grace on what we were 0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:55.919 supposed to walk away from. 0:22:56.359 --> 0:22:57.360 And one reason we. 0:22:57.320 --> 0:22:59.440 Don't want to leave Lot is we think we won't 0:22:59.480 --> 0:23:03.240 have any for will be lonely, will never meet anyone. 0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:06.680 You may be lonely for a season, but God will 0:23:06.680 --> 0:23:10.399 bring you new friends, better friends, friends that push you 0:23:10.480 --> 0:23:13.080 off and not pull you down, Friends that bring out 0:23:13.080 --> 0:23:16.320 the best and cause you to blossom, not people that 0:23:16.440 --> 0:23:19.960 hinder you and cause you to shrink back. Is God 0:23:20.000 --> 0:23:23.120 asking you to leave Lot, but you keep making excuses 0:23:23.600 --> 0:23:26.840 taking him with you. Lot may be the people at 0:23:26.880 --> 0:23:30.320 work that sit around at lunch and gossip talk bad 0:23:30.359 --> 0:23:31.200 about the company. 0:23:31.720 --> 0:23:33.240 Why don't you eat somewhere else? 0:23:33.800 --> 0:23:36.639 You can't reach your destiny hanging around people like that. 0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:40.679 Lot may be that friend that causes you to compromise, 0:23:41.320 --> 0:23:44.159 that neighbor that brings out the worst in you, that 0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:48.120 cousin that's not going anywhere. You need people in your 0:23:48.160 --> 0:23:51.760 life that inspire you, people that cause you to dream bigger, 0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:55.560 people that honor God, that love their family, that treat 0:23:55.600 --> 0:23:59.440 their spouse with respect, people that are going places, making 0:23:59.480 --> 0:24:04.080 a difference, setting new standards. If you want separate yourself 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:08.000 from unhealthy relationships, from people you know are not good 0:24:08.000 --> 0:24:10.080 for you, that's where you'll get stuck. 0:24:10.840 --> 0:24:14.320 God has something better. The problem is you still have Lot. 0:24:14.960 --> 0:24:17.760 That's where there's conflict, struggle, mediocrity. 0:24:18.040 --> 0:24:20.480 Do yourself a favor, Get rid of Lot. 0:24:21.280 --> 0:24:24.640 There's a calling on your life, an assignment that only 0:24:24.680 --> 0:24:29.679 you can accomplish. You cannot reach it with critical, jealous, bitter, 0:24:30.040 --> 0:24:34.320 controlling people. Could it be that you are one friendship 0:24:34.320 --> 0:24:36.200 away from going to a new level. 0:24:36.840 --> 0:24:37.480 If you'll just. 0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:41.399 Get rid of Lot, you'll see new doors open, greater favor, 0:24:41.480 --> 0:24:46.399 relationships better than you've ever imagined. Because the land couldn't 0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:50.640 sustain them both, they had to separate. Abraham didn't leave 0:24:50.720 --> 0:24:54.119 Lot when God first told him to, but God always 0:24:54.200 --> 0:24:57.920 gets his way. Sooner or later, Lot is going to go. 0:24:58.440 --> 0:25:01.240 They went their separate ways. Lot and all of his 0:25:01.320 --> 0:25:06.040 family got captured by bandits. More trouble, Abraham had to 0:25:06.040 --> 0:25:09.280 go rescue Loton. He spent all this time and energy 0:25:09.600 --> 0:25:12.440 fighting battles he would have never had to fight if 0:25:12.440 --> 0:25:16.040 he had just left Lot in the first place. Paul 0:25:16.040 --> 0:25:19.280 said in One Corinthians nine, I am free in every 0:25:19.359 --> 0:25:21.440 way from anyone's control. 0:25:22.400 --> 0:25:24.800 That's my prayer for you, that you're not going. 0:25:24.760 --> 0:25:28.920 To live controlled by people, manipulated into doing things out 0:25:28.920 --> 0:25:33.040 of guilt, thinking you're responsible to keep everyone happy, but 0:25:33.119 --> 0:25:36.440 that you will live your life free. Now do your 0:25:36.480 --> 0:25:41.439 part and put some boundaries up. Quit acquiescing to everyone's demands, 0:25:41.760 --> 0:25:45.040 thinking you may hurt their feelings. Remember, if someone is 0:25:45.080 --> 0:25:47.440 controlling you, it's not their fault. 0:25:47.320 --> 0:25:49.800 It's yours. You have to take action. 0:25:50.720 --> 0:25:55.040 Don't go the next twenty years weighed down in unhealthy relationships, 0:25:55.359 --> 0:25:59.359 toxic relationships, giving into unrealistic demands. 0:25:59.840 --> 0:26:01.240 It's time to break free. 0:26:01.800 --> 0:26:05.000 Today can be a turning point. You have a destiny 0:26:05.040 --> 0:26:08.040 to fulfill. God is counting on you to take your 0:26:08.080 --> 0:26:08.840 family to. 0:26:08.720 --> 0:26:09.399 A new level. 0:26:09.640 --> 0:26:12.280 Get focused, get free, and get ready. 0:26:12.600 --> 0:26:14.880 If you'll do this, I believe and. 0:26:14.880 --> 0:26:19.880 Declare that spirit of control and manipulation is being broken. 0:26:20.000 --> 0:26:21.800 Right now, You're going to have. 0:26:21.800 --> 0:26:25.440 A new grace, a new boldness, say step up. 0:26:25.280 --> 0:26:26.720 To who you were created to be. 0:26:27.359 --> 0:26:32.760 Greater favor is coming, new relationships, new opportunities, the fullness 0:26:32.800 --> 0:26:36.960 of your destiny in Jesus' name, and if you receive it. 0:26:37.040 --> 0:26:37.959 Can you say amen? 0:26:39.640 --> 0:26:42.360 I'd like to give you an opportunity to make Jesus 0:26:42.400 --> 0:26:43.439 the Lord of your life. 0:26:44.000 --> 0:26:47.440 Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord, Jesus. 0:26:47.640 --> 0:26:51.480 I repent of my sins, Come into my heart. I 0:26:51.640 --> 0:26:54.800 make you my Lord and savior. If you prayed that 0:26:54.880 --> 0:26:58.280 simple prayer, we believe you got born again. We'd love 0:26:58.320 --> 0:27:00.440 to send you some information on your when you walk 0:27:00.480 --> 0:27:02.679 with the Lord. You can text the number on the 0:27:02.680 --> 0:27:05.440 screen or go to the website. But I hope you'll 0:27:05.440 --> 0:27:08.760 get into a good Bible based church and keep God 0:27:09.040 --> 0:27:09.760 first place. 0:27:10.480 --> 0:27:13.040 Thanks so much for listening to today's message. 0:27:13.160 --> 0:27:15.960 I hope you'll subscribe so you can receive the latest 0:27:16.000 --> 0:27:19.480 podcast to keep you encouraged and inspired all through the week. 0:27:19.640 --> 0:27:21.840 Help us to continue to share the message of hope 0:27:21.840 --> 0:27:23.359 with those all around the world. 0:27:23.680 --> 0:27:26.439 Visit Joelosting dot com or click the link in the 0:27:26.480 --> 0:27:28.639 description to partner with us today. 0:27:28.880 --> 0:27:31.320 We hope you'll share this message with a friend and 0:27:31.440 --> 0:27:33.399 be sure to follow us on social media. 0:27:33.680 --> 0:27:36.959 We're praying for you. I know God's best is still ahead. 0:27:37.200 --> 0:27:38.240 We'll see you next time.