Accept People For Who They Are

0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.880 No one likes to talk about money. Am I saving enough? 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:05.040 Can I buy a house? Am I paying too much 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:07.760 in taxes? Will I be able to retire? What if 0:00:07.760 --> 0:00:10.360 you could unlock insights about your finances in less than 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:12.840 five minutes, with a clear picture of where you stand 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:15.720 today and where your money can work harder. Now you 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:18.759 can visit facet dot com to take the free quiz 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:23.400 and get your financial wellness score today. That's Facet dot com. 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:25.360 This ad is sponsored by Facet. Fast Wealth in Corporated 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:27.280 is an sec registered investment advisor. This is not an 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:29.080 offer to buy your self securities or is it investment, 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:30.080 legal or tax advice. 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:33.960 You're ready for a comeback, and with Purdue Global you 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:37.200 can do more than take classes. You can take charge 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:41.520 of your story, of your career, of your life, Earn 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:43.559 a degree you can be proud of, and get an 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:48.559 education employer's respect. 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Download the uns stap and use the 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:20.840 code I heeart fifty at sign up to receive a 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:23.400 fifty dollars bonus when you fund your account. That's code 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:26.400 iHeart fifty when you sign up at unest dot co 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:29.319 for a fifty dollars bonus. See terms and conditions at 0:01:29.440 --> 0:01:30.120 UNEs dot co. 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:33.440 Hi, this is Joel on Wednesdays, we bring you the 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:48.480 best of I hope you enjoyed the podcast. Well God 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:51.320 bless you so joy to come into your homes and 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.280 if you're ever in our area, please stop buying. Be 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:56.840 a part of one of our services. I promise you 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:59.160 we'll make you feel right at home. And thanks so 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:01.480 much for tuning in, and thank you again for coming 0:02:01.520 --> 0:02:04.360 out today. I like to start with something funny, and 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:07.360 I heard about this young lady. She took her fiance 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:10.799 home to meet her parents. The dad said, son, tell 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:13.399 me about yourself. What do you do? He said, I'm 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:16.880 a Bible scholar. Dad said, that's great, But how are 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:19.760 you going to provide a living for my daughter? He said, 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:22.880 I'm going to study the Bible and I know God 0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:25.720 will provide. He said, yeah, but how are you going 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.000 to afford an engagement ring for her? He said, I'm 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:31.480 going to focus on my studies and I know God 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:34.240 will provide. He said, what a few years you all 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:36.240 may have children. How are you going to provide for 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:40.480 those children? He said, sir, don't worry. God will provide. 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:44.360 Later that night, the man's wife asked him how to 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:46.720 talk with their future son in law. Went He said, 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:50.160 not good. He has no plans, no job, and he 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:54.920 thinks that I'm God. Hold up your bibles. Say it 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:57.960 like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am 0:02:58.040 --> 0:03:00.399 what it says I am. I have what it says 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:03.079 I have. I can do what it says I can do. 0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:06.280 Today I will be taught the word of God. I 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:10.360 boldly confess. My mind is alert, my heart is receptive. 0:03:10.720 --> 0:03:14.360 I will never be the same. In Jesus' name, God 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:17.919 bless you. I want to talk to you today about 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:21.680 accepting people for who they are. When we get into 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:25.120 relationship with someone, it's easy to try to make them 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:28.320 into who we want them to be, especially our spouse, 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.679 our children, the people that are close to us. But 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.680 one of the best things I've learned is God didn't 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:38.160 bring people into my life to make them just like me. 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:44.760 God made us different on purpose, different personalities, different strengths, 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:49.280 different looks. We're all at different maturity levels. The mistake 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:52.600 we make too often is we try to fit people 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.480 into our mold. It's like we've got them on our 0:03:55.560 --> 0:03:59.280 Potter's wheel. We're trying to work out the lumps, get 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:01.119 rid of what we do, don't like, and get them 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:04.840 all fixed up. The problem with this is we are 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:08.280 not the potter. God is. God is the one that's 0:04:08.360 --> 0:04:13.240 making and molding people. Really, we can't change anyone. We 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.360 can encourage them, we can pray for them, we can 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:20.320 lead by example, but only God can truly change people. 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:24.400 When someone doesn't have our same strengths and we're working 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:27.880 over time trying to make them just like us, all 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:32.000 that does is frustrates us, bring stress and tension into 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:35.479 the relationship. You have got to give people room to 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:38.719 be who God made them to be. If God wanted 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:42.600 us to all look alike, think alike, have the same strengths, 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:45.600 the same personalities. He would have made us that way. 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:49.440 Think about this. The same God that made the butterfly 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:53.120 made the locust. The same God that made the poodle 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:56.880 made the bulldog, same God that made the horse made 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:59.560 the mule, and the same God that made me made 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:08.600 my brother Paul. God likes variety. I'm not looking at him. 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:12.480 You may be trying to change someone that doesn't have 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:17.200 your strengths, your kind of personality, your goals, Yet God 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:20.800 made them like that on purpose. You're fighting against who 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:23.400 they really are. This is what I used to do 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:26.719 with Victoria when we first got married. I tried to 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:30.679 make her just like me. I thought, what greater gift 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:34.400 could I possibly give her than that. I'm very naive. 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:40.680 My personality type is I'm very focused, very structured. I've 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:43.560 got a plan and I'm gonna stick with it. Victoria 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:48.760 is not like that. She's spontaneous, fun, outgoing, not rigid 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:53.119 at all. She's incredibly smart, a hard worker, but she's 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:56.800 not routine. She doesn't like to do the same thing 0:05:56.920 --> 0:06:00.039 over and over. Not me. I get up at the 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:04.240 same time every morning, not two minutes, variants, the exact 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:08.200 same time. I eat the same things for breakfast, been 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:10.400 doing it for twenty years. Go to my office at 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:14.000 the exact same time. I'm boring, but I am focused. 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:17.760 That's one of my strengths. I used to think that 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:20.880 it was my calling in life to try to make 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:24.440 Victoria like me, and I had her on my potter's will. 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:28.440 I thought I was supposed to make my strengths her strengths. 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:31.440 One day it dawned on me. I had a revelation. 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:34.880 She doesn't want to be like me. That's not who 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:38.279 she is. She likes being who God made her to be, 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:41.159 just like I like being who God made me to be. 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:44.760 We're not supposed to go around looking down on people 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:48.239 that don't have our same strengths. You'll enjoy your life 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:51.000 a whole lot more if you let people off the 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:55.000 hook and accept them for who they are. Because when 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:59.680 we're always trying to change someone, there's this underlying tension. 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.919 It says there's something wrong with you. You're not like me, 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:08.279 You're inferior. We may not say it out loud, but 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:10.960 with our actions it comes out subtly and how we 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:14.800 treat people. But a mark of true maturity is you 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:18.160 accept people just the way they are. You don't have 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:21.240 this hidden agenda where deep down you're really trying to 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.520 change them and make them more like you. And the 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:27.400 way God made us is we are drawn to people 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:31.080 that have strengths that are different than our own. One 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:34.000 reason I fell in love with Victoria not just because 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:40.320 she's beautiful, smart and talented, but she's fond, outgoing, spontaneous, 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:44.200 She's not stiff, not rigid. She has strengths that are 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:48.000 different than mine. Yet we get into relationship with someone 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.560 and we think, Wow, I love your good qualities, but 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:54.520 I want you to have my strengths as well. The 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:58.160 truth is no person has it all. That's why the 0:07:58.200 --> 0:08:02.320 scripture talks about we have to make allowances for people's weaknesses. 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:06.840 What would happen if we all would start accepting the 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:09.640 people God put in our life and not try to 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:14.360 change them. Number one, we'd have better relationships, and number two, 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:18.280 we wouldn't live frustrated trying to make them into something 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:21.680 that they're not. We have this plant at home. It's 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.239 kind of like an ivy. It's in this large pot 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:27.559 and it drapes over toward the ground. When we first 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:31.080 got married at our townhouse, we had this same type 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:34.040 of plant on our back porch. And I took care 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:36.440 of it. It was my project. Made sure it had 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:39.040 the right amount of sunlight, the right amount of water. 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:45.160 It had these thick, dark green leaves, very lush, very full, 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:49.040 as healthy as can be. If those leaves ever started 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:52.240 turning to a lighter green, I knew it wasn't getting 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:55.280 enough water. I would water it more and in no 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:58.200 time they would be back to dark green. Well in 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:01.720 our backyard now we have this same type of plant, 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:04.640 but I could never get the leaves to look right. 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:08.920 They were always a little bit lighter green, almost on 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:12.560 the verge of being yellow. So I watered them like 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:15.959 I did my last plant, again and again, but didn't 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:19.720 do any good. Still light green leaves. Kind of puzzled 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:22.200 by it, and I thought, maybe something is wrong with 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:24.960 the soil. So I went down to the nursery and 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:28.920 I picked up some fertilizer and I gave that plant food. 0:09:29.120 --> 0:09:33.959 Day after day. I pampered this plant. I prayed over it, 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:36.520 I sang to it, I told it, I loved it. 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:40.480 I did everything I could. Nothing help. I thought, why 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:43.440 can't I get this plant healthy? Why can't I get 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:47.280 these leaves dark green? Finally I called the expert out 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:50.319 the men from the nursery. He looked at it and said, Joel, 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.720 this plant is as healthy as can be. It's nothing 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:56.280 wrong with it. I said, well, why does it have 0:09:56.480 --> 0:10:00.280 light green leaves and not dark green? He said, this 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:04.000 plant is a slight variation from the plant you had 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:08.200 last time. The vines are the same size, same shape, 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.600 They grow at the same rate. The only difference is 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:16.040 one has dark green leaves and one has light green leaves. 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:21.320 Here I had spent months being frustrated trying to make 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:24.800 that plant into something that it was never designed to be. 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:29.280 Too often we do what I did with people. We 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:32.520 think they're supposed to be a certain way. They look 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:36.040 the same, they come from the same family. But just 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:39.040 like this plant, no matter how hard you try to 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:41.640 fit them into that mold, it's not going to happen. 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:45.240 It's not who God created them to be. And we're 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:48.160 not supposed to go around trying to change everybody and 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.520 try to get them to be like their brother, their cousin, 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:52.560 their relative. 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:52.839 No. 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:56.640 Our job is to love people, to accept people, to 0:10:56.760 --> 0:11:00.520 let them be who God created them to be. Spend 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:04.280 your whole life trying to make someone have dark green 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:07.920 leaves when God designed them to have light green leaves. 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.559 When I was a little boy growing up, I would 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:15.440 get into bed every night very carefully, so I wouldn't 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:19.680 mess up the covers. I would sleep perfectly still, I 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:23.200 wouldn't move, wouldn't roll over. When I woke up the 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:26.079 next day, I would get out of bed as carefully 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:29.120 as can be. That way, I wouldn't have to make 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:33.400 the bed up, it was already made. You're talking about structure. 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:36.120 You roll around in your covers. What's wrong with you? 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:41.920 It's funny. Our daughter Alexandra, she's thirteen years old, and 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:47.760 she's just like me, as perfect as can be. Our son, Jonathan, 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:51.560 he's seventeen years old, and he is just like Victoria, 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:57.120 perfect in a different way. Alexandra picks out her clothes 0:11:57.240 --> 0:11:59.480 the night before, what she's going to wear to school 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:02.439 the next day, very prepared. We're going on a trip 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:06.240 in a couple of weeks. Alexandra's already got those clothes 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:09.680 laid out. She knows what she's going to take. Jonathan 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:12.480 has a different approach. He will pick his out not 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:15.479 two weeks before, but maybe a couple of hours before. 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:21.280 Different personalities, different strengths. When Alexandra packs her suitcase. It 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:26.880 is a work of art. Everything is strategically placed, perfectly sectioned. 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:30.120 All she's got all these little bags, bags for makeup, 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:34.400 bags for shampoo, bags for soap, bag of snacks that's 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.199 for the plane ride going. Then, of course there's another 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:41.200 bag of snacks strategically placed. That's for the plane ride 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:45.120 coming back home. When I was Jonathan's age, I was 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.920 playing sports all the time. Jonathan not only plays sports, 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:52.040 but he'll go practice his guitar for a couple hours. 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:55.400 I can't play any instrument. Then he may go right 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:58.360 on his screenplay that he's been working on for a 0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:01.920 year and a half. Never write anything extra unless the 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:06.240 teachers required us to do it. God puts people in 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:09.520 our life that are different than we are, different strengths, 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:13.480 different talents, different goals. Too often we look at them 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:16.839 and say, hey, you're not like me. Let me fix you, 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.680 let me get you straightened out. They don't need to 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.360 be fixed. They don't need to be straightened out. They 0:13:22.400 --> 0:13:28.840 need to be accepted, approved, loved, encouraged. Just because they're 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:33.160 not like you doesn't mean that they're less than. Most likely, 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:36.800 they have strengths that you don't have. They're good at 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:40.360 something that you're not good at. Don't waste your valuable 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:44.080 time and energy trying to make somebody just like you. 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:47.560 Let them be who God made them to be. I 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.040 have a fourteen year old niece named Caroline. This is 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:54.959 my sister Lisa's daughter and her husband Kevin, and Caroline 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:59.920 is not only beautiful, but she's extremely creative. She loves fact. 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:03.600 She's got a great eye for design. She can take 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:07.080 the most unusual clothes and jewelry and put them together 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:10.280 and make them really look great. Nobody taught her to 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.240 do this. It just comes naturally to her. But here's 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:18.160 the thing. Caroline doesn't like traditional. She likes anything out 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:21.480 of the ordinary. She likes her hair any color, but 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:25.240 her normal color, not brown, but red or blonde, or 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:28.360 black or with an orange streak through it. She's got 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:34.240 this incredible personality, so stylish, so fashionable. When God puts 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:37.120 people in our lives like that that are different, it's 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:40.480 easy to think, well, they're far out, they're strange. Let 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:44.200 me get them into my mold. Now. That's like trying 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.880 to make that dark green plant have light green leaves. 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:51.440 It's not who they are. God is the one that 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:55.680 puts the talents, the creativities, the strengths in the different people. 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:58.960 Her job is not to try to change them and 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:03.160 make them like us. We should encourage them, give them advice, 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:07.400 give them wisdom. But take people off of your potter's will. 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:11.480 Don't try to make them just like you. Accept them 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:14.880 for who God made them to be. You see me 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:17.080 up here, and you know it may seem like I'm 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:20.920 really outgoing. I'm very talkative, but the truth is when 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:24.480 I'm not up here, I'm very quiet and reserved. I'm 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:27.880 not super talkative. Of course, Victoria and I we talk 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.360 at home and we have fun together. There's a lot 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:33.800 of laughter in our home. But as much as Victoria 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:36.440 would probably like me to sit down and talk with 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:39.640 her two or three hours every evening, that's just not 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:43.480 who I am and I've grown. I do my best 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:48.480 to communicate properly. But Victoria recognizes that's not one of 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:52.040 my strengths. She doesn't try to make me into something 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:55.880 that I'm not. She accepts the fact that I'm just 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:58.960 not one that's probably gonna sit down and tell my 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:04.160 innermost a feelings. One reason we have a good relationship 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.720 is because we're not constantly trying to change each other. 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:11.720 We accept each other for who we are. If you're 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.320 always working on another person, trying to change them, there's 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:19.800 going to be this underlying resentment that will develop. It says, 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:23.200 why doesn't he talk to me more? Why does she 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:27.160 act that way? It's much better to say, that's just 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.440 who God made them to be. I can't change them. 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:34.080 Only God can, and if he does, great, But in 0:16:34.120 --> 0:16:37.120 the meantime, I'm not going to be frustrated. Here's my 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:41.240 whole message in a nutshell. The other person may not change, 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:44.440 but you can change. You don't have to allow what 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:47.920 they do or don't do upset you. For the next 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:52.200 twenty five years, Victoria has had to make allowances for 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:56.080 my weaknesses. I've had to make allowances for her weaknesses. 0:16:56.720 --> 0:16:59.280 When I come to church, I like to arrive at 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.280 least thirty minutes and it's early so I can go 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:05.879 over my notes and prepare and really be in peace. Victoria, 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:08.040 on the other hand, she likes to come just a 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:11.560 few minutes before the service starts. She prepares at home 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:14.440 and goes over her notes there. For years, I tried 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.760 to change her. I'd say, Victoria, why don't you leave 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:20.800 a little bit earlier, case you get caught in traffic, 0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:24.480 case you get delayed for some reason. We've been doing 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:27.159 this for twelve years and she's never once missed the 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:30.080 opening of the service. I was just trying to fit 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:33.880 her into my mold. When we moved from the other 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:37.160 location to this new building, instead of being a thirty 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:40.399 minute drive, it's only a ten minute drive. I thought, great, 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:43.879 that's gonna solve everything. She's gonna be here twenty minutes early. 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:47.600 But that's not how she saw it. She already calculated 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:50.720 that's twenty minutes for her to get something else done. 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:55.960 Here's my point. She didn't change, but I changed. After 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:59.240 twenty five years of marriage, twenty five years of trying 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:02.159 to make her just like me, I had a breakthrough 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:06.880 a revelation. God made her like that on purpose. I've 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:10.040 learned to accept her and approve her just the way 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:15.760 she is. Are there people are there people in your life. 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:19.080 You're waiting for them to change, and then you're gonna 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.520 be happy. Then you're gonna let them off the hook. 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:24.920 As soon as they fit into your mold. Then you're 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:27.960 going to give them your approval. Now take this in 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:31.639 the right way. They may never change it. May not 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.679 be who God created them to be. The good news 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:38.960 is you can change. Doesn't have to bother you, doesn't 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:42.639 have to lessen the relationship. Don't focus on what you 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:46.320 don't like about that person. Focus on their good qualities. 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:49.800 I've heard it said men, when you're tempted to complain 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:54.000 about your wife's faults, remember it was those faults that 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:57.960 kept her from getting a better husband. Focus on the 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:03.240 good qualities, the reasons that you fell in love. Proverbs 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:07.320 eighteen twenty two says he who finds a wife finds 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:11.760 a good thing and finds favor from the lord husband's 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:15.040 You've got to remind yourself your wife is bringing you favor. 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:18.320 Victoria doesn't let me forget it. She'll go through the 0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:20.800 house and Joe, when you got me, you got favor, 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:23.640 I say, yeah, and I got a lot of other 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:28.679 things too. But here's the key. Give people room to 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:32.440 not be perfect. Your wife may not be the greatest 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:35.960 cook in the world, but she's a fantastic mother. You 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:38.520 and your children are blessed to have that woman in 0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:42.320 your life. See the good. Your husband may not be 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:46.240 the greatest communicator, but he's a hard worker. You never 0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:49.000 have to worry about the bills being paid, focused on 0:19:49.080 --> 0:19:53.080 those good qualities. The scripture says a wife is to 0:19:53.440 --> 0:19:57.080 enjoy her husband. Notice it doesn't say you are to 0:19:57.200 --> 0:20:01.440 remodel your husband, take that this man off your potter's will. 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:06.040 Sometimes we are not enjoying the people God's put in 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:10.480 our life because we're too busy trying to change them. Well, Joel, 0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:13.920 my husband doesn't bring me flowers like Susie's husband. Every 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:17.840 week they have a candlelight dinner every Friday night. He 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:22.480 writes her this beautiful romantic poetry. No quit comparing your 0:20:22.520 --> 0:20:27.040 spouse to Romeo over there, and just accept the person 0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:31.520 God's given you. That other men may be Romeo, but 0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:34.720 I can assure you he has some weaknesses. There's something 0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:37.800 that lady has to overlook. I'll admit I'm not the 0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:41.160 most romantic person, but I remind Victoria all the time. 0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:45.000 I may not be Romeo, but at least i'm jo Leo. 0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:51.520 That's really corny. I didn't come up with that. Somebody 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:56.240 gave it to me the other Instead of complaining about 0:20:56.280 --> 0:20:59.080 what you don't like about a person, well you never 0:20:59.119 --> 0:21:01.720 bring me flowers. Well you never talk to me? Were 0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:05.280 you always too busy? You're never available. Try a different approach. 0:21:05.600 --> 0:21:08.320 Start telling that person what you do like about them. 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:11.840 I really appreciate you being such a great mother. You 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:15.240 are so good with our children. I really appreciate you 0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:18.480 being such a hard worker. You're somebody I can always 0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:22.600 count on. Listen, people respond to praise a lot better 0:21:22.640 --> 0:21:26.240 than they do criticism. Instead of nagging that husband, you're 0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:28.760 so lazy, you never mow the lawn. Why don't you 0:21:28.840 --> 0:21:31.679 get up off this couch. Don't just say have I 0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:34.639 ever told you? When I see you out there mowing 0:21:34.680 --> 0:21:42.360 the lawn, those muscles bulging, a sweat dripping down your face, 0:21:42.440 --> 0:21:46.080 and the wind blowing through you two, pay how incredibly 0:21:46.160 --> 0:21:51.200 handsome you are. You praise him like that, and he'll 0:21:51.200 --> 0:21:56.840 mow the lawn every day. It's amazing what people will 0:21:56.840 --> 0:22:00.880 do when you see the best in them. Honor them 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:04.840 when you respect them. It not only strengthens the relationship, 0:22:05.040 --> 0:22:08.239 but it'll help that other person rise higher. It's like 0:22:08.280 --> 0:22:12.360 a cork that's inside a large bottle. As long as 0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:14.840 there's no water in the bottle, the cork will be 0:22:14.880 --> 0:22:18.240 at the bottom. When you pour water in, the cork 0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:21.640 will always rise to the top of the water. Well, 0:22:21.640 --> 0:22:24.480 the person you're in relationship with is like the cork. 0:22:25.040 --> 0:22:27.720 They may be on the bottom right now, but as 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:32.040 you give encouragement, show honor, show respect, you're pouring water 0:22:32.200 --> 0:22:35.639 into that bottle. They won't stay where they are. They'll 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:38.880 continue to rise to the level that you pour into them. 0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:42.119 You want to make your spouse, your children, your loved 0:22:42.119 --> 0:22:45.960 one a better person. Honor them in a greater way, 0:22:46.000 --> 0:22:49.639 Accept them for who they are. Give them your approval, 0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:53.199 even if they don't fit into your mold. You have 0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:58.040 tremendous power and influence into their lives. You can push 0:22:58.119 --> 0:23:02.560 them further with your honor, your acceptance, your approval, or 0:23:02.880 --> 0:23:06.280 you can withhold it and keep them back. I know 0:23:06.400 --> 0:23:09.600 this young couple that were newly married. The husband was 0:23:09.640 --> 0:23:14.399 a graphic designer, very talented, very creative. His wife was 0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:18.359 so proud of him. She was always bragging on him, saying, 0:23:18.400 --> 0:23:21.080 you are so gifted, You're going to do great things. 0:23:21.520 --> 0:23:24.760 In the first few years of the marriage, this husband 0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:29.600 got several major promotions. His career just took off, It excelled, 0:23:29.640 --> 0:23:32.600 and his wife was so happy and she continued to 0:23:32.760 --> 0:23:35.600 encourage him. But the next four or five year span, 0:23:36.119 --> 0:23:39.800 things had slowed down, didn't get any promotions. He was 0:23:39.840 --> 0:23:42.520 at the same level, doing the same type of work. 0:23:42.760 --> 0:23:46.879 He was still very successful, still proud of himself. The 0:23:47.000 --> 0:23:51.679 problem is he had not met his wife's expectations. She 0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:55.240 thought he should be further and that he wasn't nearly 0:23:55.320 --> 0:23:59.520 as aggressive enough. She didn't say anything out loud, but 0:23:59.560 --> 0:24:03.359 by her actions you could tell she was disappointed. She 0:24:03.520 --> 0:24:07.399 quit pouring in the honor, she quit encouraging. She didn't 0:24:07.400 --> 0:24:11.240 brag on him anymore. Why he wasn't fitting in to 0:24:11.400 --> 0:24:15.240 her mold. He wasn't meeting her standards. And they'd always 0:24:15.240 --> 0:24:18.439 had a great marriage, as happy as can be, But 0:24:18.560 --> 0:24:23.040 now the seeds of discontent started to take root. Long 0:24:23.080 --> 0:24:25.800 story short, A few years later they split up and 0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:29.679 went their separate ways. That's what can happen when we 0:24:29.800 --> 0:24:33.280 try to make people fit into our mold. We quit 0:24:33.359 --> 0:24:37.719 pouring the honor in, we quit respecting. We may not 0:24:37.880 --> 0:24:40.760 say it out loud, but by our actions, they can 0:24:40.800 --> 0:24:43.640 feel that we're disappointed, that we're not proud of them. 0:24:44.160 --> 0:24:46.919 We're focused on their faults and all the qualities that 0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:51.040 we don't like about them. No, take people off of 0:24:51.080 --> 0:24:55.840 your potter's will, your spouse, your children, the people you love. 0:24:56.400 --> 0:24:58.840 They may not have meant your goals, They may not 0:24:58.960 --> 0:25:01.080 be as aggressive as you would like them to be, 0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:05.600 but you have to accept them for who they are today. 0:25:06.520 --> 0:25:08.560 They may not be where you want them to be. 0:25:09.040 --> 0:25:12.480 But God is the one that's directing their steps. God 0:25:12.640 --> 0:25:15.680 is the one that's making them and mold them. Love 0:25:15.800 --> 0:25:20.280 them for who they are right now. Don't have the attitude. 0:25:20.440 --> 0:25:24.680 I'll love you as long as you succeed on my timetable, 0:25:25.320 --> 0:25:28.160 as long as you meet my standards, as long as 0:25:28.160 --> 0:25:30.960 you change the way I want you to change. Now, 0:25:31.080 --> 0:25:34.600 give people room to be who God created them to be. 0:25:35.320 --> 0:25:38.760 God's plan for their life may not be the same 0:25:38.880 --> 0:25:43.080 plan that you have for their life. His timetable may 0:25:43.160 --> 0:25:47.440 be different than your timetable. I can assure you God 0:25:47.560 --> 0:25:51.399 knows what he's doing. His plan will be bigger, better, 0:25:51.800 --> 0:25:57.400 more rewarding, more fulfilling. Now, don't withhold your blessing, keep 0:25:57.480 --> 0:26:01.879 pouring in the honor, keeping current, and keep respecting, and 0:26:01.920 --> 0:26:04.199 God will get them to where he wants them to be. 0:26:05.080 --> 0:26:08.600 But too many people like this woman. They end a 0:26:08.680 --> 0:26:12.760 relationship because there's one main thing they don't like about 0:26:12.800 --> 0:26:18.240 the person. They focus on what annoys them and magnify 0:26:18.400 --> 0:26:21.000 how they've got too much of this or not enough 0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:24.840 of that. They'll go find somebody else that has a 0:26:24.960 --> 0:26:29.080 strength where that other person has a weakness. The problem 0:26:29.240 --> 0:26:32.359 is this new person will have a weakness where the 0:26:32.400 --> 0:26:35.480 other person had a strength. We're just moving things around, 0:26:35.880 --> 0:26:39.600 so always going to come down to overlooking the weaknesses, 0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:43.600 seeing the best in them, accepting people for who they are. 0:26:44.359 --> 0:26:47.720 I've heard it said someone will leave a person that 0:26:47.840 --> 0:26:51.639 has eighty percent of what they need because they find 0:26:51.680 --> 0:26:55.600 the other twenty percent in somebody else. What they don't 0:26:55.640 --> 0:27:00.480 realize is no person has one hundred percent. If you 0:27:00.640 --> 0:27:05.120 leave the ad because you find the twenty in someone else, well, 0:27:05.240 --> 0:27:09.040 sooner than later you will realize that there's twenty percent 0:27:09.200 --> 0:27:12.240 that that new person doesn't have as well. It's much 0:27:12.320 --> 0:27:16.680 better to recognize no one person can give you everything 0:27:16.720 --> 0:27:19.320 that you need. You've got to focus on their good 0:27:19.440 --> 0:27:23.119 qualities and don't be frustrated by what they don't have 0:27:23.480 --> 0:27:25.760 or what they can't give you. It's like that old 0:27:25.800 --> 0:27:28.960 saying the grass may look greener on the other side, 0:27:29.320 --> 0:27:32.520 but it still has to be mode. That's basically saying 0:27:32.680 --> 0:27:35.199 there's still twenty percent that that other person is not 0:27:35.280 --> 0:27:38.879 going to have some of You would see your relationships 0:27:38.920 --> 0:27:41.560 go to a new level if you would start accepting 0:27:41.640 --> 0:27:45.320 people for who they are. Like that plant, you may 0:27:45.359 --> 0:27:48.160 be a dark green leaf, they're a light green leaf. 0:27:48.520 --> 0:27:50.920 But you're doing everything you can to try to make 0:27:50.960 --> 0:27:54.560 them just like you. The problem is that's not who 0:27:54.600 --> 0:27:57.680 God designed them to be. Why don't you let them 0:27:57.720 --> 0:28:00.720 off of your potter's will. Don't try to fix them, 0:28:01.040 --> 0:28:03.720 don't try to make them fit into your mold. God 0:28:03.960 --> 0:28:07.080 is the potter. He knows what he's doing. Now do 0:28:07.200 --> 0:28:11.040 you a part and start pouring the honor in Start 0:28:11.119 --> 0:28:14.880 respecting them in a greater way. Don't love them if 0:28:14.920 --> 0:28:18.080 they meet your standards, love them for who they are 0:28:18.200 --> 0:28:21.840 right now, If you will start accepting and approving the 0:28:21.880 --> 0:28:24.480 people God's put in your life, you'll not only help 0:28:24.560 --> 0:28:28.080 them rise higher and then fulfill their destiny. But I 0:28:28.160 --> 0:28:31.399 believe and declare you will rise higher. You will have 0:28:31.480 --> 0:28:35.679 better relationships, and you will become everything God's created you 0:28:35.720 --> 0:28:40.240 to be. Amen, Do you receive it today? We never 0:28:40.360 --> 0:28:43.440 like to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity 0:28:43.600 --> 0:28:46.440 to make Jesus the lord of your life. Would you 0:28:46.480 --> 0:28:50.920 pray with me? Just say, Lord, Jesus, I repent of 0:28:51.000 --> 0:28:55.760 my sins. Come into my heart. I make you my 0:28:55.880 --> 0:28:59.880 Lord and savior. Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, 0:29:00.080 --> 0:29:02.360 we believe you got born again. Get in a good 0:29:02.360 --> 0:29:05.640 Bible based church. Keep God first place. He's going to 0:29:05.680 --> 0:29:07.440 take your places you've never dreamed of. 0:29:08.520 --> 0:29:11.960 Thank you for listening to the joel Ostein podcast. Help 0:29:12.040 --> 0:29:14.800 us continue to share the message of hope with those 0:29:14.880 --> 0:29:18.760 all over the world. Visit Joelostein dot com slash give 0:29:18.840 --> 0:29:20.520 Hope to give a gift today. 0:29:21.800 --> 0:29:24.720 Thanks so much for listening to today's message. I hope 0:29:24.760 --> 0:29:28.120 you'll subscribe so you can receive the latest podcast to 0:29:28.200 --> 0:29:31.400 keep you inspired all through the week. 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